


Social Distortion and Candlelight

by damiensirius



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Destiel - Freeform, Just wait for it, M/M, Nerd Dean, Past Sexual Abuse, Smoking, Trust Issues, but it will change, destiel smut, punk cas, rape history, starts out innocent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-19
Updated: 2014-12-14
Packaged: 2018-02-05 09:35:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 29
Words: 54,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1813762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damiensirius/pseuds/damiensirius
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas scoffed. "I'm just a fucked up wreck, Dean." He took a sip from his beer and stared on the wall, water dropping out of his hair on the table. "You shouldn't be here."<br/>"But I am here," Dean said and reached with his hand for Cas'. "And I will stay."<br/>Cas inhaled deeply, holding his breath for a moment, before he exhaled shakingly, his tongue playing with his lip piercing. "Why? Why would you stay? I'm a wreck. I'm used, I'm unworthy. I'm not worth your time. I'm not worth anything."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: AverageFan, as English isn't my first language :)

“Dean... Hey! Dean!”  
Dean winced, startled as Jo snapped her fingers right in front of his face. “What?!” he hissed.  
“Focus on your books.”  
He frowned before looking down at the history book lying on the table in front of him. History had never been his favourite subject, but right now he hated it even more. He had to study for an important history test in three days, but as he began reading over the most difficult part, Castiel Novak entered the library and sat only two tables away accompanied by his friends. If Jo wasn't there to remind him the whole purpose of being at the library was to study, he'd probably just sit there and daydream about Castiel the whole time.

He tried to focus on the text he should be reading, but his brain just wouldn't process the words. Instead, he sneaked a peek every now and then at Castiel, just watching him sit there. But... how could he _not_ stare at him?! Castiel Novak was handsome. His black hair was cut into a Mohican hairstyle, he had multiple facial piercings and amazing tattoos... and then those eyes. Those incredibly deep blue eyes.

A sudden pain in his shin almost caused Dean to jump out of his chair.

“Ouch!”  
Everyone turned to looked at him for a moment and Dean realized how loud he had been.  
“What was that for?!” he hissed at Jo.  
“You were staring at him again.”  
“It's not my fault that he's so handsome.”  
Jo rolled her eyes and then closed her book. “Well, _I'm_ done studying.”  
“Wait you can't go now! You said you'd help me!”  
“I can't help you if all you do is stare at that guy instead of actually reading the text.”  
“Okay. I'm reading now. Totally focused.” Dean  _wanted_ to look down. He really did. But then his eyes fell on Castiel and he noticed that Castiel _was looking at him too._

And then he winked. He freaking _winked_

Dean felt his blush creeping onto his cheeks, but he couldn't look away. He just kept on looking until Castiel turned his head to talk to his friend.“I can't believe it!” Jo hissed at him. “You're still doing it.”  
“What? No, no! I- you... he... he winked at me!” Dean stuttered.  
Jo scoffed. “Yeah, sure. As if.”  
"Do I ever lie to you?!”  
She rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Read this stupid text, then we can leave.”  
Dean sighed, but then he actually managed to focus on studying until he finally understood the chapter.

“You see? It wasn't that hard, was it?” Jo asked.  
Dean glared at her. “I hate history. Why the heck do we even have to learn this?! They're all dead anyway!”  
Jo laughed. “And that sums up our super-swot.”  
He rolled his eyes and then packed away his history book into his backpack. “Anyway, gotta go now. I have to pick up Sammy from soccer.”  
“Okay. See ya tomorrow.” Dean hugged her briefly. “Bye, Jo.”

Dean walked out of the library and to his car in the parking lot; where he saw Castiel - whom of which had left half an hour before Dean finished studying - standing next to his motorcycle, smoking a cigarette and talking to some friends. Dean forced himself to look away and walked to his car.  
“Hey,” he heard a deep voice right behind him. Dean turned around and almost fainted from the close proximity of the source of the voice. It was Castiel. And he was so close, no more than a foot away. Castiel just looked at him and Dean realised that he hadn't responded.

“Uhh... hi,” he stuttered and felt himself blushing. He pushed back his glasses and then clenched the strap of his backpack with his right hand. Castiel raised an eyebrow for a brief moment and smirked at Dean.  
I'm Castiel,” he replied.  
“I - uh... I'm Dean.”  
Jesus, this was so embarrassing. He felt that his face was dark red and he couldn't even talk properly. Castiel dragged on his cigarette and then stared after the smoke that he blew out.  
“Are you busy this evening?” Castiel asked him.  
"I- uh, I have to pick my brother up from soccer. And then, uh, studying.”  
"What a shame,” Castiel mumbled.  
Dean didn't know what he should say, so he just nibbled insecurely on his lower lip. Castiel looked at him with narrowed eyes and then raised his hand. He laid his thumb on Dean's lower lip and pushed it gently down, so Dean's teeth let go of it.  
“Don't chew your lip when I'm watching. Otherwise I'm gonna do this to you.” Then he just turned around and walked away.

_DID THAT REALLY JUST HAPPEN?!_

Dean stared with perplexity in the direction Castiel was walking, and tried desperately to remember how breathing worked.  
Only when Sam called him and asked him where he was, he realized he was still standing in the parking lot.

After he picked Sam up and they were back home, he went to his room to study some more. Because apart from the history test taking place in a few days, there was a physics test tomorrow and a huge English essay for next week. He really tried to study and not to think about the fact that Castiel Novak had talked to him and even _touched_ him, but it was so hard. He really wanted to tell someone, but Sam didn't know he was into boys - even if Dean usually told him _everything_ \- and Jo, who was the closest he had ever had to a friend, didn't understand why he was so obsessed with Castiel. So he just kept quiet about it.  
Whilst he made dinner for himself and Sam - their father hadn't come home yet, as per usual - he read some pages in his physics book to catch up the time he had lost due to thinking about Castiel. After the dinner, Sam helped him clean the table and wash the dishes before heading off to see Jessica. She was his soon-to-be-girlfriend and during the past few weeks, Sam had spent almost every free minute with her. Dean was really happy for his brother, that he had found someone like Jess. However, he had to admit that he was a little jealous too. If Sam could be with the girl of his dreams, then why couldn't Dean be with the boy of his?  
_Who knows?_   The voice inside of his head said. _After what happened today... maybe you can._

Dean shook his head, trying to get rid of the thought. He shouldn't be so hopeful. What would a guy like Castiel want from a nerd like Dean?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to tell me if you find any mistakes, so I can correct them! (:

Dean seemed to be right, because the next day, Castiel didn't talk again to him. The whole day Dean secretly hoped Castiel would talk to him again, but nothing happened. And the day after that, it was the same.

Dean tried to focus on the page he should be reading, but his thoughts always circled around Castiel. Dean just wanted the lesson to be over, even if he actually liked English. But it was the last lesson, and Dean just wanted to go.

When the school was finally over, Dean walked out the building to his car. Right in the moment he stood next to his car, he heard a familiar voice right behind him.

“Hello, Dean.”

Dean gulped and slowly turned around. Castiel stood there, his hands in the pockets of his black leather jacket, a cigarette between his lips and black sunglasses on his nose. Usually he had his hair just slightly backcombed, but today he had them gelled straight up. It looked really awesome.

“Are you busy today too?” Castiel asked him and dragged on his cigarette.

 _Yes_ , Dean thought. _History test tomorrow_. But... this was Castiel Novak.

“No,” he said after he'd thought about it for a moment. “Today not.”

Castiel smirked. “Great. You wanna go for a ride?” he asked and nodded towards his motorcycle.

Dean's eyes widened. Castiel would really take him on a ride on his motorcycle? Dean looked at his car for a moment, questioning what he should do with it, when he would go with Castiel now.

Castiel seemed to know what Dean thought. “If you want, you can drive home first. I can follow you and then we can go from there on.”

Dean thought about it for a moment and looked at the red Honda. Actually they weren't supposed to let their cars here after school, but there were some more cars from the people who were still in the library, so that wouldn't be the problem. And Dean didn't really care if someone would damage the car, because that would just increase the opportunities for him to finally get that wonderful Chevy Impala that rusted in the garage for years. Dean begged his father to finally give him the car, but his father said he would only get it when Sam was sixteen and could have the Honda then. Dean had tried to convince his father to give him, Dean, the Impala and let the Honda stay in the garage, but his father still said no. So Dean would just have to wait those two years until Sam was sixteen.

Dean looked back to Castiel and actually wanted to answer him, but right in that moment, Castiel's tongue flicked over his lips and he sucked one of the rings in his lips between his teeth. Dean just stared at Castiel's lips until he saw that they widened in a grin.  
“What did I tell you about chewing your lip?” Castiel laid his thumb on Dean's lower lip. Dean gasped quietly and his teeth let go of his lip. He tried desperately to stay calm, but Castiel's finger on his lips made it really hard for him.

For a while they just stood there, Castiel's finger still on Dean's lips while Dean just stared at him and prayed that he didn't forget how to breathe.

“You didn't answer my question,” Castiel said.

Dean frowned. He had thought that was meant rhetorical.

“I meant the one with the car,” Castiel laughed as if he had read his thoughts.

“Oh,” Dean said hoarsely. “I, uh, we can just let it here.”  
“You sure?” Castiel asked and then took his finger off Dean's lip. Dean nodded.

“Great.” Castiel turned around and walked to his motorcycle. Dean threw his schoolbag in his car and then took a deep breath before he followed Castiel.

Castiel stood next to his motorcycle and when Dean was next to him, Castiel gave him something.  
“It's a headset,” he said. “So we can still talk.” He showed him how to put it on and then gave him a helmet.

“You have two here?” Dean asked surprised.

“I hoped you'd come with me,” Castiel just said.

“Oh.” Dean felt how he blushed. Castiel really wanted to spend time with him?

Castiel sat down on the motorcycle and Dean placed himself right behind him. Hesitantly he laid his arms around Castiel's waist.

“You should better hold right,” Castiel said and pulled Dean’s hands tighter around his waist. Now Dean was pressed against his back and he felt Castiel's wonderful body everywhere on his. He held Castiel more firmly and then Castiel started the engine.

“Where do you wanna go?” Dean heard Castiel's voice over the headset.

“I don't care.”

“Okay.” Castiel drove off the parking lot and for a while they just drove through the village, but then Castiel took a lane, which lead out the village to the forest and Dean got slightly nervous.

After all... just because he was obsessed with Castiel and stared at him 24/7 didn't mean that he really knew him. Castiel seemed to feel that Dean's body tensed.

“You okay?” he asked. Dean needed a moment to think of an answer. He actually _was_ okay. He was just nervous.

“You're not gonna rape me, right?”

Castiel laughed. “No. That's not what I intended to do when I asked you to come with me. And my plans haven't changed. I just drove here, because I can drive faster now.”

In this moment Dean felt the speed change and his hands clenched firmer around Castiel's waist. It was really awesome to drive with him like that. Dean could feel on the way Castiel's body tensed and moved, that Castiel really enjoyed riding his motorcycle.

“How much time do you have?” Dean heard Castiel ask over the headset.

“I don't know. Enough, I guess.”

Castiel chuckled. “Good. I know where we can go.”

A few minutes later he turned left in an unpaved road, which lead slightly upwards.

“Where are we going?” Dean asked curious.

“You'll see,” Castiel just said. When the road got steeper, Dean had to hold Castiel's waist tighter, but not long after that, the ground got even again and Castiel stopped the engine. With faint regret, Dean took his hands off Castiel's waist and climbed off the motorcycle. Castiel let down the stator from the motorcycle and then climbed off too. He placed himself right in front of Dean and then took Dean's helmet off. Dean adjusted his glasses, while Castiel went to the motorcycle and then took his own helmet off too and placed them there. Miraculously, his hair looked still the same as before.

Castiel stepped away from the motorcycle and walked a few yards, before he turned his head and looked at Dean. Dean hastily walked after him and when he stood next to Castiel, Castiel turned his head and nodded toward what was in front of them.

“What do you think?” Only now Dean looked at their surroundings. They were in the forest, behind them, the road from which they came and in front of them a steep slope. It was so beautiful here.

“It's amazing,” Dean said and looked at Castiel. His eyes fell on Castiel's hair and he shook his head in disbelief.

Castiel raised his pierced brow. “What?”

“How do you do this with your hair? You just wore a helmet and it's still incredibly straight upwards.”

Castiel grinned. “Well, something on me has to be straight.”

Dean didn't know what he should say to this, so he just awkwardly stared at Castiel, who still grinned.

“You better accustom with those stupid jokes, because I make them all the time,” Castiel said and then pulled his cigarettes out of his pockets and lit one.

Dean raised his eyebrows. “Does that mean... we're gonna spend more time together?” he asked surprised and only a moment too late he realized how pathetic that had sounded.

Castiel smirked. “Well, I hope so.” He held the pack of cigarettes toward Dean. “Want one too?”

Dean shook his head. “No, thanks. I don't smoke.”

“’Kay.” Castiel put the cigarettes back and then sat down on the floor, leaning back on his elbows.

Dean sat down next to him and looked down to his hands. He didn't known what he should do now, because he didn't want to make this awkward.

“Are you doing this on purpose?” Castiel groaned suddenly.

Dean looked confused at him. “Doing what?”

“Biting your lip.” Castiel leaned on his side and laid one hand on Dean's face. Dean gulped and tried to keep his breathing regularly.

“This is driving me crazy.” Castiel leaned closer to Dean. “Would you mind... if I kiss you?” he whispered against Dean's lips. Dean shook his head; more he couldn't manage to do. In the moment Castiel's lips touched his, Dean let out a quiet moan. Castiel's hand wandered in his neck and pulled him closer. Dean felt the piercings and the heat of Castiel's rough skin pressing against his lips and his heart began to beat incredibly fast. He gasped quietly when Castiel's tongue slipped in his mouth. Dear god, he was pierced there too? The feeling of the silk metal against his tongue was really nice and Dean felt like he could just keep kissing Castiel forever.

Castiel sucked Dean's lower lip between his teeth and nibbled softly on it. Dean moaned again and leaned closer to Castiel. This felt so incredibly good... Dean couldn't believe that this was really happening. Two days ago he had thought that he would never even talk to Castiel and now... now he was kissing him. Castiel slowly pulled back and then pressed several small pecks over Dean's jawline and his lower lips.

“Now I can understand why you always chew your lip,” Castiel mumbled between kisses. “I really like to do it too.”

Dean blushed and when Castiel began to nibble on his lips again and Dean moaned, the blush got even worse.

“Seems like you like it too,” Castiel mumbled and chuckled quietly. Then he leaned back on both elbows and looked to the forest. Dean turned embarrassed his head and looked down to the floor.

“Why did you come with me?” Castiel asked suddenly.

Dean frowned and looked at him. “What?”

“When I asked you if you want to come for a ride. Why did you say yes? You don't know me.”

Dean felt how his face became dark red and he looked away from Castiel. “Isn't this obvious?” he asked with a rough voice.

“Well... no. So please tell me. I'm just curious.”

Dean took a deep breath. “Do you think this is funny?!” he asked then outraged. “Was this all just a trick to embarrass me?! I'm done with this whole 'Let's-fuck-about-the-nerd' thing. This time I'm not just gonna keep quiet about it!”

“Hey...” Castiel said softly and bent over to kiss Dean's jawline. “There is no such thing,” he mumbled against Dean's skin and placed small kisses on his cheek and his mouth angles. “I just really want to know. But if you don't feel comfortable with telling me, then not.”

“I'm sorry,” Dean sighed. “I shouldn't have reacted like that.” He moaned quietly when Castiel's kisses wandered to his neck. “Castiel, you... why do you kiss me all the time?”

Castiel pulled his head back. “Don't you like it?”  
“I do, but...”

“Then what's the problem? You're not one of those who thinks a kiss means a relationship, are you?”

“No. But... why did you ask me to go for a ride with you? Why me? You could have anyone.”

Castiel frowned, but then smirked. “I'm just gonna take that as a compliment now. But why do you say it like that? If I could have everyone then why shouldn't I choose you?”

Dean pressed his lips together and looked down to his hands. “Are we gonna pretend that this isn't obvious now?”

“What should be obvious?”

Dean shook his head. “Nevermind. I don't wanna talk about this now.”

“Fine. Then tell me what you wanna talk about.”

Dean shrugged. “I dunno.”

“C'mon, Dean,” Castiel laughed. “You don't wanna kiss, you don't wanna talk... I'm running out of ideas, babe.”

Dean blushed when Castiel called him babe, but it didn't bother him. “You know what? I think I'm okay with kissing now.”

Castiel laughed and kissed Dean briefly. But then he pulled away and instead laid down on his back and stared up to the sky. He took his black sunglasses off the collar of his shirt and put them on his face. Dean sat cross legged towards Castiel and looked down on him. His black hair was shining in the sun and Dean could see that he was chewing on his piercing again. Dean slowly reached his hand out and touched the short stubbles on the side of Castiel's head. “Do you mind if I do this?” he asked shyly.

“Not at all.” Castiel turned his head slightly aside and Dean ran his hand over the short stubbles and over Castiel's scruffy cheek. Castiel closed his eyes when Dean's finger trailed all over his face.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fee free to tell me if you find any mistakes, so I can correct them (:

This night, Dean tried to study some more for the history test tomorrow, because he didn't do anything for it this afternoon, but he couldn't focus on it. He was thinking about Castiel all the time. They were stayed there until it had gotten dark and then Castiel had brought Dean back to his car and then had left. No more kiss.  
Dean shouldn’t be as disappointed as he was. After all, he had gotten more kisses from Castiel today than he had expected to get in his whole life. But still. He would’ve lied if he had said that he didn’t wish Castiel would have kissed him before he left.

Dean shook his head trying to focus on his school books again. But Castiel was just so distracting…

The next day, on Thursday, in the lunch break, just after the history lesson, Dean and Jo were at their lockers, just about to go and eat lunch, when Jo suddenly froze and raised her eyebrows.  
“What?” Dean asked. She didn’t answer, but just continued staring. Dean frowned, when he suddenly heard this deep voice behind him.  
“Hey, Dean.”  
His eyes widened slightly and his whole body tingled when he slowly turned around. “Hey, Castiel,” he said, embarrassed by his rough voice.  
Castiel licked over his lips and brushed his hand through his hair – which was just backcombed as usual today. “I, uhm, wanted to ask you if you’d like to eat lunch with me today.”  
Dean’s heart skipped a beat and he just stared at Castiel, not able to say something. Castiel seemed to misread the situation.  
“If you’d rather go with her I can understand. But maybe… we could go… I mean… I could go with you… two…?”  
“Oh, don’t worry. I’ll go eat with Charlie today,” Jo said when Dean still didn’t say anything. “See you in English, Dean.” She patted his shoulder and then left.  
Dean knew he should say something, but now he was just too embarrassed by his previous reaction. He felt how he blushed and gulped, his fingers clenching in the shoulder strap of his backpack.  
“So… you ready?” Castiel asked.  
Dean just nodded.  
“Dean,” Castiel said softly and then stepped closer, so there was less than a feet space between them. “Two things. First: Don’t chew your lip.” He grinned and winked. “Second: Stop being so nervous around me. There is no reason to be. I’m not gonna rip your head off.”  
Dean took a deep breath, nodded and actually managed to smile at Castiel.  
“Good. So we can go?”  
“Yes.” Dean nodded and followed Castiel out of the building. Castiel drove Dean to a fast-food restaurant near the school – on his motorcycle again! – where they sat outside and ate together. Castiel sat on the stone table, his feet on the bench and tossed the wrapping paper from his burger in the trash can when he finished eating. He leaned back on his elbows and Dean noticed that Castiel was looking at him.  
“What?” he asked.  
Castiel just raised questioningly his pierced eyebrow.  
“Why are you looking at me?”  
“I like looking at you,” Castiel just said and smiled. He reached with his hand out for Dean and brushed through his hair. “What are you doing today after school?”  
“I should… study,” Dean said, trying not to get too distracted from Castiel’s hand in his hair.  
“In the library?”  
Dean shrugged. “Maybe. Why?”  
“Would it be okay… if I stay with you?”  
Dean raised an eyebrow. “Uhh… sure. If… if you want to…?”  
Castiel smiled and nodded, his hand wandering from Dean’s hair to his cheek. For a while they just look at each other, but then, Castiel suddenly pulled his hand back and turned away.  
“We should go back to school,” he said.  
“Okay.” Dean nodded and threw the wrapping paper from his burger away, while they walked back to the parking lot. During the drive back to school – even though it was really short – Dean noticed how tensed Castiel’s body was.  
“Castiel… is everything okay?” he asked therefore, when they walked back to the school building.  
“Yeah, sure,” Castiel said. “Why do you mean?”  
Dean didn’t really know how he should say it. “I… don’t know. It’s just… you seemed upset.”  
Castiel shook his head. “Nah, everything okay.” He smiled at Dean.  
Dean frowned but then nodded. “Alright.”

This afternoon when the school ended, Dean went to the library. He had to admit, that he was surprised seeing Castiel there. Even if Castiel had said that he’d come.  
“Hey,” Dean said and sat down on the chair next to Castiel.  
Castiel pulled one of his earphones out. “Hey.”  
It was a little bit weird, having Castiel next to him while he studied, since Castiel didn’t have to study by himself, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Castiel didn’t distract him, but just sat patiently there, listening to music, and sometimes reading one of Dean’s papers.  
“Wasn’t this boring for you?” Dean asked when he stopped studying and began to pack his things. He had studied for about one hour – which wasn’t as much as he had if Castiel wouldn’t be here, but still enough.  
“No,” Castiel just said and shook his head.  
Dean frowned. “Really? But why did you stay here? I’m sure you could’ve done more interesting things if you would’ve gone home.”  
Castiel sighed and then pulled his earphones out and stuffed his mp3 player in his backpack. “I’m sorry,” he said then. “If you… if you don’t want to hang out with me, then you need to tell me this, Dean. I’m not a mind-reader.”  
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Dean said hastily. “I just…” He felt how he blushed. “I didn’t want you to think I’m boring.”  
Castiel smiled at Dean. “You’re not.”  
Dean bit his lip insecure. Actually he should go home, because he had already missed dinner yesterday. But he had somehow the impression that Castiel didn’t want to go home.  
“Uhh, Castiel, I… I’d really like to hang out some more with you, but I, uh, I need to go home now and prepare for dinner.”  
“Oh, okay.” Castiel nodded and – if Dean wasn’t completely wrong – he looked slightly disappointed.  
“If… if you want, you can come with me.”  
“Thank you, but it’s okay. I don’t want to impose myself. We will see us tomorrow.”  
“Uhm, okay. So, uh, bye.”  
“Dean?” Before Dean could react, Castiel pulled him closer and kissed him gently on the lips. Dean sighed quietly and buried his hands in Castiel’s hair. “See you tomorrow,” Castiel mumbled against Dean’s lips when he ended the kiss and then turned around and walked to his motorcycle.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it took me so long!!  
> But I hope you like this one!!
> 
> Feel free to tell me if you find any mistakes, so I can correct them (:

In the next time, Castiel and Dean hanged out a lot after school. There was a rumor going around that they were a couple, because someone had seen them kissing. Dean was always uncomfortable when he got confronted with this rumor, because he never knew what he should say. It was not like he and Castiel were in a relationship, but it wasn’t just a typical friendship either.  
But whatever it was, Dean enjoyed it really much. He and Castiel didn’t have that much in common, but they got along really well with each other.  
There was just one thing that bothered Dean. Castiel wasn’t a taciturn person. He talked a lot, about almost everything. But as soon as the conversation came to family, or even just _home_ , he closed up and refused to talk about it. Dean had tried to figure out why, but he didn’t want to push too far, because Castiel was always upset after this.

“Hey Dean!” Jo called him when he was right about to leave the school building. Dean turned around and saw her and Charlie coming after him. “We’re going to the library and work on the Spain essay. You wanna join?”  
Dean cussed internally. He had totally forgotten this. “Uhh, I would but…”  
Before he could finish his sentence, he felt Castiel’s hand on his shoulder. “Hey Dean. You ready?”  
“Uhh yeah,” he said to Castiel, and then to Jo and Charlie: “We’re going to the lake today.”  
“You can come too if you want,” Castiel offered. “Chuck and Zach are coming too.”  
Charlie looked asking to Jo; she looked like she really wanted to.  
“I don’t know,” Jo said. “This essay is really huge.”  
“Oh c’mon, Jo,” Charlie said. “Studying isn’t everything.”  
Jo seemed to think about it for a moment, but eventually she nodded. “Fine. Let’s go. But I need to go home and get my bikini first.”  
“You can have one of mine,” she said. “I live just there,” she explained to Castiel and pointed to a building just on the other side of the street.  
“Okay, cool. I’ll tell Chuck and Zach and we’ll pick you up there. You can drive with them, because the place where we’re going can’t be reached with cars.”  
“Great,” Jo said sarcastically and then just walked off, towards Charlie’s home.  
“I’ll clear this,” Charlie said apologizing and began to walk after Jo. “We’ll wait there, okay?”  
“Sure,” Castiel said. He frowned and looked at Dean. “She doesn’t like me, huh?”  
Dean scoffed and shook his head. “It’s not you, it’s just…” he hesitated for a moment. “That’s just Jo. Once you got through this, she’s really awesome to hang out with, but until then…” He shrugged.  
“Oh okay. That’ll be fun today then.”  
Dean laughed. “Don’t worry. Charlie will calm her down.”  
“Good.” Castiel smiled at Dean and then laid his arm around Dean’s shoulders while they walked back to his motorcycle. Castiel told Chuck and Zach that Jo and Charlie would come with them and then they drove over to Charlie’s house.  
Jo seemed to be in a better mood already, even if the look she gave Chuck when she sat down behind him on his motorcycle should’ve killed him instantly.

When they arrived there, Dean was stunned. Castiel hadn’t overpraised when he had called this place here beautiful.  
“Wow,” Dean just said. “That’s amazing.”  
“I know, right?”  
“Hey Cas!” Chuck threw a pack of cigarettes towards Castiel. Castiel pulled one cigarette out of it, and put it between his lips before he threw it forward to Zach. He pulled a lighter out of his pocket and lit the cigarette.  
Dean saw Jo and Charlie talking to each other; Jo seemed still a little bit upset. Chuck and Zachariah walked over to them and soon they were involved in a conversation – even though Charlie and Zach did most of the talking.  
“You wanna go to the water?” Castiel asked him.  
“Sure.”  
They went a bit offside from the others to change to their trunks and then walked to the lake. The water was cold, but not too cold and it was really refreshing. They swam for a while through the lake, just talking about some things until the others came to the water too and a huge water fight emerged.  
After an hour or something, they all left the water and went back to their things.  
Chuck had brought some music and played it, while they just sat there and talked.  
Jo and Charlie had a discussion over some people from the school and Zach constantly tried to interfere in their conversation, just to annoy them a little.  
Dean and Castiel didn’t talk, but sat just there and listened to the other ones.  
“I like your tattoos,” Dean said and realized one moment too late that he said this out loud. He blushed embarrassed and looked down.  
But Castiel said just “thank you,” and smiled gently.  
“Do they have a meaning?”  
“Some of them.” He pointed to a skeleton on the underside of his left forearm. It held a cigarette in the one hand and a cocktail glass in the other and wore a hat. “That one is the logo from _Social Distortion_ ,” he said. “They’re my favorite band. And here,” he pointed to a small tattoo of a swallow on his hip with the word _jailbird_ under it. “I did it by myself. I wasn’t in the jail or something, but I saw something similar somewhere and I really liked it, so I changed it a little bit and then made it. They mean freedom.”  
“You made this by yourself?” Dean asked surprised. “You’re really talented. It looks awesome!”  
Castiel smiled and Dean could see in his eyes, how much this meant to him. “Thank you.”  
“And the wings?” Dean asked then. They spread almost over half of his back and over his upper arms, black with some dark blue feathers on the ends of them. – Almost the same color as his eyes.  
Castiel shrugged. “I just like wings.”  
Dean smiled. “They’re beautiful.” He was silent for a moment. “Does the cross have a meaning too?” he asked then and pointed to the black baroque cross on Castiel’s chest. “Are you religious?”  
“No.” Castiel shook his head. “I just liked the motive.”  
Dean hadn’t even noticed how close they were sitting, until he raised his head to look at Castiel and suddenly his lips were so close. His breath caught and he bit insecure on his lip.  
“Don’t bite your lip,” Castiel murmured and laid his thumb on Dean’s lower lip. “You won’t like what I’m gonna do if you don’t stop with this.”  
“How do you know?” Dean asked and was surprised from himself that he had the courage to say this. Castiel smirked and in his eyes flashed something up.  
But in exactly this moment, Chuck said: “Whoah guys, get a room!” and the moment was destroyed. Castiel sat back up straight and flipped Chuck off. He stood up and took Zach’s bag and pulled a beer out of it before he sat back down next to Dean.  
He opened the can and took a sip.  
“Where did you get the beer?” Dean asked. “You’re not old enough.”  
“Chuck’s brother bought it for us,” he said. “Do you want one too?”  
“No, thank you.”  
“What are you gonna do this weekend?” Castiel asked him.  
“The Spanish essay. Why?”  
“Chuck makes a party on Saturday night,” Castiel said and nodded his head towards Chuck. “I thought maybe you’d want to come.”  
Dean hesitated. “I don’t know. To be honest… I’ve never been to a party like this. And I don’t know if I’d like them.”  
“Oh. Uh, okay. Well, you don’t have to come. I just thought… maybe we could go together,” Castiel said, suddenly sounding insecure.  
“I don’t know,” Dean said hesitant. “It’s not that I don’t want to go with you. It’s just… I don’t know if I’d fit there. Well, actually I doubt it.”  
“Okay,” Castiel said and brushed with his fingers a strand of hair out of Dean’s face. “No problem.”  
Dean wanted to say something, but exactly in this moment Castiel’s phone rang. When Castiel looked at the display, his whole body tensed perceptibly.  
“Be right back,” he said and stood up. He walked a few yards away before he answered the call.  
Zach frowned and looked over to Dean. “Everything okay with him?” he asked and nodded towards Castiel.  
Dean shrugged helpless. “I don’t know.”  
“Probably his father,” Chuck mumbled glum. Zach sighed and nodded.  
“What is with his father?” Dean asked.  
But Chuck just shook his head. “Ask him by yourself. If he wants to tell you, he will.”  
“Oh, okay.” Dean nodded and looked another time over to Castiel. In this moment, Castiel looked at him too and despite the distance, Dean could see the pain in Castiel’s eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to tell me if you find any mistakes, so I can correct them! (:

Castiel sighed and turned away from Dean, leaning his forearm against a tree. “Yes, dad,” he sighed. His father continued babbling something, Castiel couldn’t understand.  
“Dad, I don’t understand you. I’ll be home in a few hours. Just… go to sleep. – I… I have to go now. We’ll see us tonight,” he hastily ended the phone call, when he saw Dean coming towards him.  
“You okay?” Dean asked carefully when he stood next to Castiel.  
“Yeah, sure,” Castiel said and shove his phone back into his pocket, not looking at Dean.  
“Don’t lie to me,” Dean said, but in his voice laid no accusation.  
“I don’t. I’m fine.”  
Dean pressed his lips together and Castiel knew he didn’t believe him. “It was just my dad, okay?” he said then. “He asked where I am.”  
Dean still didn’t say anything, but just looked at Castiel for what seemed like an eternity, before he eventually nodded. “You wanna talk with me about your dad?” Dean asked. “I won’t ask anything. You can just tell me what you want to.”  
Castiel pressed his lips together. He didn’t know if he should. He didn’t want Dean to think he was weak. But somehow he really wanted to talk with someone about it. He had never told someone. Not even Chuck and Zach. They only knew because they figured out by themselves. – And they didn’t nearly know everything.  
So eventually Castiel nodded and sat down on the ground. Dean wanted to sit down next to him, but Castiel pulled him on his lap, so Dean faced him.  
“My dad… is an alcoholic,” Castiel began quietly, deciding just to tell the facts. “And sometimes… I feel really sorry for him. Because he just feels so bad and he seems to suffer. But… other days…” Castiel licked over his lips and grabbed Dean’s hand, stroking over the soft skin, searching some distraction. “Other days… he makes _me_ suffer,” he said then, his voice hardly more than a whisper. “He…” Castiel stopped and shook his head. “I can’t,” he said then. “I can’t talk about this, okay? I’m sorry.”  
“It’s okay,” Dean said and closed his fingers around Castiel’s hand.  
“I don’t want you to think bad of me,” Castiel said hoarsely, not looking at Dean. He didn’t know why he had just said this. Actually he hadn’t wanted to.  
“I wouldn’t think bad of you,” Dean said. “But if you don’t wanna talk about it, I respect this, okay?”  
Castiel nodded and then laid his hand on the back of Dean’s neck and pulled him down for a kiss. “Thank you,” he murmured against Dean’s lips, not wanting to interrupt the kiss.  
Dammit, he didn’t know how Dean made this, but Castiel was totally crazy about him. In the beginning he had just wanted to mock him a little, because Chuck had told him how often Dean stared at him. But as soon as he had seen those green eyes…  
Dean gasped softly and his fingers clenched into Castiel’s neck.  
“Dean?” Castiel moaned, not being able to interrupt the kiss for more than a split second.  
“Hm?” Dean asked and in the next second he gasped, when Castiel’s tongue parted his lips and slipped into his mouth.  
“Boyfriends?” Castiel asked when he finally could bring himself to loosen his lips from Dean’s for a millisecond again.  
“Oh yes,” Dean groaned and pulled Castiel closer. Castiel couldn’t help but laugh against Dean’s lips. He was happy. Really.  
“I’m sorry,” Castiel said when they could manage to stop kissing. “That was crappy. – The way I asked you to be my boyfriend I mean. I… I can do it again.”  
But Dean laid his finger on Castiel’s lips. “Don’t you dare, Cas,” he said and Castiel grinned at the nickname. “It was perfect.”

***

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Dean asked Castiel when Cas dropped him off at his car on the school’s parking lot.  
“Yeah, it’s okay.”  
“Really?”  
“Sure. You go home and work on your essay now. Don’t worry about me.”  
“Okay. Are we gonna see us this weekend?”  
“If you want to,” Castiel just said.  
“Of course I do.”  
“Okay. Call me tomorrow?”  
Dean nodded and Castiel leaned closer to kiss him gently. “See you then.”  
“Bye, Cas.”

Castiel pulled on his helmet, sat on his motorcycle and drove back home. When he parked in front of the house and walked inside, he instantly smelled the mixture of cheap whiskey and tobacco.  
“Dad?” he asked. “I’m home.”  
His father shouted something and so Castiel didn’t even risk going to the living room, but went upstairs to his room. Not a good day for his dad.  
Castiel closed the door behind his back and tossed his backpack on the bed. He hated being here. Hated all the memories bound to his place.  
After his mother left and especially when the last one of his brothers had been old enough to leave, it had been hell here. As long as Castiel could remember, he had gotten thwacked from his father on an almost daily base. – Not only from his father, to be quite honest.  
It had gotten better about two years ago, because Castiel spent now as little time as possible with his father – or even home.  
Everything was better than just being trapped here. Even if he was just sitting somewhere on a bench and listening to music. As long as he didn’t have to be here.  
Castiel waited until his father fell asleep, before he went downstairs again to make himself something to eat. There wasn’t much food left, but it was enough for a small meal. Castiel sat down at the old wooden table and ate his dinner and drank a cup of coffee when he heard a rustle at the window. When he saw Shadow, a black cat sitting on the windowsill, he smiled and got up to open the window. It wasn’t his cat – it was a stray cat – but it was often here. Castiel petted Shadow, stroking through its silky fur. He chuckled quietly when the cat jumped on the table and began to purr, pressing its small head against Cas’ hand.  
“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” he mumbled when he fondled the cat’s velvet soft head.  
“Who are you talking to?” Castiel suddenly heard his father’s voice from behind. Castiel swallowed hard and turned around, trying to hide the cat from his father.  
“N-no one,” he said hastily.  
“Is it this nasty beast again? I told you I don’t want this in my house.”  
“I-I know… but she has nowhere to go and-“  
“ _She_?” his father spat. “I told you not to get attached to this mangy beast. Get it out of here, before _I_ will get rid of it.”  
Castiel’s heart skipped a beat, when he remembered what had happened to the dog they'd had when his mom had still been there. Castiel grabbed Shadow and pressed her against his chest, hastily leaving the kitchen.  
“Don’t you dare take this upstairs in your room! I want it out of my house!”  
Castiel ignored his father and carried the cat upstairs, locking the door of his room behind him. He knew if he would put Shadow outside, the cat would just come back, and god knows what his father would do to Shadow if he would find her.  
“I’m not gonna let him hurt you,” Castiel said to the still purring cat on his arm and continued to pet her.  
His mind wandered back to childhood-memories again. Bad ones.  
On his fifth birthday, his mom had gotten him a dog, a german shepherd, Buddy. It was a cliché name, but what would you expect from a five years old? Only thanks to his mom, he hadn’t named him “dog”.  
Castiel’s heart still ached when he thought about what had happened six years later. It had been a few weeks after Castiel’s mother had left them. Castiel came home from school and had seen how his father had killed Buddy. He had stood there, unable to move or look away, while his father had drowned his dog.  
Only when it was too late, one of his older brothers, Gabriel, had found them, Castiel still standing there, sobbing and his father next to the dead dog, not caring the slightest bit about Castiel.  
Gabriel had taken him inside and tried to soothe him. Not that it had worked really well, but he had tried.  
From then on, everything had went downwards. His father had begun to drink often and really much, and in his drunk state he had begun to beaten up Castiel and his brothers regularly. Two years later, Michael had been old enough to move out and when Cas had been fourteen, Lucifer had left too and eventually even Gabriel.  
Castiel hadn’t talked to any of them since then and he didn’t plan in changing this. They had left him alone with his father, even though all of them knew his father treated Castiel the worst, because he was so much like his mother.  
Castiel shook his head, trying to get rid of the thoughts. He placed Shadow on the floor and pulled out his phone and his earbuds to listen to some music. When he looked at his phone, he saw that he had gotten a message from Dean.

_Hope you feel better._   
_Call me anytime if_   
_you need to talk_   
_\- Dean_

Castiel smiled when he read the message. It was silly how happy this made him. He shouldn’t react like this to a simple message, but he did.  
Dean was already too important to him and Castiel was afraid that someday he would leave, like everybody else had left him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me some comments or at least kudos so I know if you like it or not (:


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry for not updating for so long!!!  
> But I had a friend over for a week and like zero time for writing...  
> But now I'm back with a long, fluffy chapter for you guys!!!  
> I really hope you like it!

Dean yawned, rubbing his palm over his eyes. He had already spent hours with this damn essay, but he still wasn’t even nearly done.  
When the letters began to blur in front of his eyes, he closed his books and decided to make a break and continue tomorrow. – Or much more today, due to the fact that it was already past midnight. Dean stood up and stretched his back before he walked over to his bed and fell down on it, reaching for the remote for the TV.  
But right in the moment he wanted to turn on the TV, he heard a sound from his window. Dean got up and cautiously walked towards the window and looked out of it. Someone was standing in his yard. Dean opened his window and looked closer.  
“Cas?!” he asked confused when he recognized the person.  
“Hey Dean,” Cas answered and even in the darkness Dean could see the wide grin on Castiel’s face.  
“What are you doing here?”  
“I wanted to see you.”  
“I… uh, okay…?” Dean stuttered, not knowing what to say.  
For a while they just stared at each other in silence.  
“What, do I have to get my ghetto blaster and play a song for you to come down here?” Castiel said then.  
Dean grinned and tilted his head. “That’d actually be pretty nice,” he said then, jokingly.  
“Hold on a sec,” Cas said and suddenly disappeared out of Dean’s field of vision.  
“Wait!” Dean hissed. “You’re not actually…”  
But before he could finish his sentence, Castiel came back, holding a _freaking ghetto blaster_ over his head and playing a song. Dean just shook his head in disbelief, a wide grin on his face. He didn’t know the song, but it sounded really good. For a while he just looked down at Castiel, still holding the ghetto blaster over his head and playing the song.

_I’m your worn in leather jacket_  
 _I’m the volume in your fucked up teenage band_  
 _A Pack of smokes and a six pack_  
 _I’m the dreams you had walkin’ down the railroad tracks_  
 _You and me_

“Do I have to start singing for you to come down?” Castiel asked. “Because I would.”  
Dean shook his head. “Give me a minute. – And turn the volume down, otherwise my neighbors will kill us.”  
Castiel just laughed, but then turned the volume down when Dean closed the window and quickly put on a jacket over his shirt and grabbed his keys before he went downstairs to go outside to Cas. Sam was at Jess’ – the two finally were together – and his father was once again not at home, so nobody would miss him.  
Dean walked around the house to Castiel, who sat on the ground, leaning back, propped on his elbows, the ghetto blaster next to him, still playing quietly music. Dean smiled at him when he walked over.  
“What are you doing here, Cas?” he asked, slight amusement in his voice. “It’s almost one a.m.”  
Castiel tilted his head. “I told you. I wanted to see you.”  
“Didn’t you say I should call you tomorrow?”  
Castiel frowned. “I can leave, if you don’t want me to be here.”  
“No,” Dean said hastily. “That’s not what I meant.”  
He stepped closer to Castiel and wanted to sit down next to him, but just like earlier this day, when they had been at the lake, Castiel pulled him on his lap. Dean grinned and laid his arms around Castiel’s shoulder, when Cas leaned in for a kiss. Sparks of electricity tingled through Dean’s body when their lips met and he sighed quietly. Castiel slowly ended his kiss and nuzzled his forehead against Dean’s neck.  
“Cas?” Dean asked carefully. “Are you okay?”  
“Yes,” Castiel sighed and tied his arms around Dean. “Now I am.”

They sat there for a long time, just cuddled against each other in Dean’s yard and talking. Not heavy stuff, just about some ordinary things. Like music. Castiel showed Dean some of the songs from the CD in the ghetto blaster. They were from _Social Distortion_ , Cas’ favorite band.  
“Do you like this music?” Castiel asked and placed a small kiss on Dean’s mouth angle.  
“Yes,” Dean mumbled and brushed his fingers through Castiel’s soft hair.  
“Really?” Castiel raised his pierced eyebrow.  
“Uh-huh.” Dean nodded and trailed his finger over Castiel’s jawline. He could spend hours like this. Just looking at Castiel’s face, touching every perfect inch of him and talking to him.  
“You’re the first one I know who likes them. I didn’t expect you to do.”  
“Well, I mean it’s not what I usually listen to, but they’re really good.”  
Castiel smiled and then pressed a few times forward, until he stopped at one song. “That’s my favorite song,” he said then.  
“Will you sing it for me? You said you would.”  
Castiel laughed quietly. “Okay. But not the whole song.”  
Dean nodded and then just sat there, looking at Castiel and listened to him singing.

_Children are taught to hate, parents just couldn't wait_  
 _Some are rich and some are poor, others will just suffer more_  
 _Have you ever been ashamed and felt society try to keep you down?_  
 _I begin to watch things change and see them turn around_  
 _Turn around, they'll try to keep you down_  
 _Turn around, Turn around_  
 _Don't drag me down_

The song suited Castiel. Dean could understand why this was his favorite song. And Dean liked his voice. Maybe it wasn’t the common perfect singing voice, but Dean like the deep sound of it.

_Ignorance like a gun in hand, reach out to the Promised Land_  
 _Your history books are full of lies, media-blitz gonna dry your eyes_  
 _Have you ever been afraid, and felt society try to keep you down?_  
 _I begin to watch things change see them turn around_

Castiel stopped singing and instead leaned closer to kiss Dean gently.  
“That was nice,” Dean mumbled against Castiel’s soft lips. “I like your voice.”  
Castiel chuckled quietly. “Thank you.”  
For a while there was nothing to hear apart from the quiet music. Castiel pulled Dean a little bit closer to himself and laid his hands on Dean’s upper arms.  
“Cas? Can I ask you something?” Dean murmured quietly.  
“Of course, Dean.”  
“You… you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. Maybe it’s a personal question.”  
“Just ask. It’s okay.”  
Dean took a deep breath; he didn’t really know how he should ask. “Okay, uhm, it’s just… Somehow, when you’re in public, you seem so distant. Not towards me, but like towards everyone else. But when you’re with me… there are always those touches and kisses and not that it bothers me, I mean I really like it! But it’s just… I’m just curious why. I mean, it’s like you need to touch something of me like every second, and like I said it doesn’t bother me… just… curiosity.” Dean felt how he blushed when he clumsily ended his question. He wasn’t sure if it had been understandable. Especially when Castiel didn’t answer.  
“I’m sorry,” Dean said. “I shouldn’t have asked that.”  
“No it’s okay. Just… give me a second.”  
Dean nodded, waiting patiently.  
“Dean…” Castiel took a shaking breath. “I know I didn’t really told you much about my past, but… so far everyone who meant something to me left. And… even though we don’t know us that long, you’re really important to me. More than you probably should be. And I just… I just need to know that you’re here. That you stay. And I need to feel you, because otherwise you will just disappear. You will leave like everyone else and I will be alone again and I…”  
Dean took Castiel’s face in both of his hands when Castiel almost started hyperventilating and pressed a small kiss on his lips. “Shh,” he said soothingly, “I won’t leave, okay? I’m here. I won’t leave you alone.”  
Castiel nodded, desperately trying to calm down his breath and his fingers clenching in Dean’s forearms. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled between forced breaths. “I shouldn’t react like… like this… It’s just… today…” He hiccupped, still having problems breathing. “Some memories came back and I… I needed to see you.”  
“It’s okay.” Dean tied his arms around Castiel, pulling him closer and trailing his fingers over Castiel’s body. He placed kisses on Cas’ forehead, his temples, his cheeks, his mouth angles, his eyelids, his jawline, his lips… just every place he could reach. Touching Castiel, showing him that he was here. That he wouldn’t leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me kudos / comments so I know if you liked it!! ♥
> 
> The songs I quoted:  
> 1\. Don't take me for granted by Social Distortion  
> 2\. Don't drag me down by Social Distortion


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for 1.5k views guys!!!  
> You are all so awesome!! ♥♥♥
> 
> I hope you like this chapter  
> Enjoy

Later that night, after Castiel had left, Dean laid in his bed, but he couldn't sleep, so he pulled out his phone and looked up some songs from Social Distortion.  
Their music was really nice and the longer Dean listened to it, the more he began to like it. At about five am, he got a message from Cas.

_You awake?_

Dean smiled and wrote back.

_Yeah._

The answer came immediately.

_You shouldn't be._

Dean scoffed.

_You neither._

For a couple of minutes, no answer came. Dean started to worry if he had said something wrong, but then his phone vibrated.

_Good night, Dean._

Relieved, Dean smiled and then typed a message back, before he put his phone aside and switched off the light.

_Good night, Cas._

***

The next morning – well, okay actually it was already noon – Dean got woken up when his phone rang. It was Jo.  
“Hey Jo,” he yawned sleepy.  
“Hey Dean. Did I wake you up?”  
Dean frowned when he noticed the strange tone of her voice. “Yeah, but it’s alright.”  
“Oh okay. Uhm I actually just wanted to ask you if you wanted to work on the Spanish Essay with me and Charlie today.”  
“Uhh I don’t know. Cas is probably coming over today, but I don’t know when yet.”  
She sighed. “Of course. Cas. Like always.”  
Dean rubbed with his hand over his forehead. “Look, I’m sorry, Jo. But can’t you just be happy for me? It’s just studying anyway. It’s not like I’m missing your birthday or anything.”  
“It’s not about me not being happy for you, Dean. But he’s a fuck up. He smokes, he drinks, his father is an alcoholic and every single one of his brothers is or at least was in jail. His whole family is fucked up. You should stay away from him.”  
“Who told you this?!”  
Dean was hundred percent sure, Castiel wouldn’t want her to know all those things, because he hadn’t even told Dean all of this. Dean had known that his family was pretty fucked up and stuff, but not that many details.  
“Chuck and Zachariah.”  
“They told you this?!”  
Jo laughed gloatingly. “I just know how to ask question.”  
Dean scoffed. “You’ve always been manipulative.”  
For a while, Jo didn’t said anything. “Dean…” she began then. “Look, I’m serious. You should get away from him. If the rest of his family is this fucked up, it’s not gonna take long for him to become just like them.”  
Now Dean really got angry. “It’s just none of your business, Jo! Castiel is _my_ boyfriend, not yours. I’m in a relationship with _him_ not with his family. Just go and care about your own crap, I didn’t ask you about your opinion from Castiel, so don’t force it on me.”  
Jo laughed spiteful. “Oh, so it’s official now? Well, you don’t have to come to me when your oh-so-great boyfriend lands in prison.” She ended the call and for a while Dean just stared down at his phone, shaking his head in anger and disbelief. He scoffed and then laid his phone on the nightstand and went to the bathroom to take a shower.  
After this, he got dressed and then went downstairs to get something to eat. Sam still wasn’t here, but that wasn’t really surprising for Dean.  
Dean made himself some scrambled eggs and then went upstairs again to check his phone. There was a message from Castiel.

_Can I come over today?_

Dean smiled and then wrote back.

_Of course. Anytime._

The answer came immediately.

_Awesome. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me kudos / comments, so I know if you liked it (: ♥


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow okay sorry it took me so long to update  
> but I didn't feel good one night and then I was freaking out because of Stony and Stanner and Destiel and Mystrade and then I cried over Misha and yeah  
> you feel me?  
> Anyway, here it is. I hope you like it.

When Castiel climbed on his motorcycle to drive over to Dean, his body slightly relaxed. But the memories to last night’s dream – and the day when this all had really happened – still haunted him. He looked really forward to spending some time with Dean. That would distract him.  
Fifteen minutes later he parked in front of Dean’s house and then walked the few steps to the front door and rang the doorbell.  
Dean opened the door with a bright smile, which made Castiel’s day like three hundred percent better on instant. “Hey, Cas.”  
“Hey.” Castiel leaned in for a brief kiss, before Dean stepped aside and let him in.  
“How are you?” Dean asked him and Castiel could see in those shining green eyes that Dean really cared.  
“I’m fine.”  
“Really?”  
“Yeah.” Castiel smiled at him, even if it wasn’t quite the truth. “You too?”  
“Yes. – You wanna go outside in the garden? Or do you wanna do something else?”  
“No, that’s alright.”  
“Okay.” Dean smiled at him and they went through the back door outside and sat on the lawn. Well, Dean sat. Castiel laid down, resting his head on Dean’s thighs. Smiling, Dean ran his fingers through the short stubbles of hair on the side of Castiel’s head. Castiel closed his eyes, just enjoying the feeling of Dean’s fingers caressing his head and they just sat there in silence. After a while, Castiel dozed off, after all he hadn’t gotten more than two hours sleep last night, but only minutes later, he startled out of his light sleep.  
“Cas?” Dean asked worried. “You okay?”  
“Yes.” Castiel sat up, running his hand through his hair, trying to get rid of the image, which had burned itself in his mind.  
“Are you sure?”  
Castiel nodded, rubbing with his palm over his face. “I don’t… wanna think about it. Can we… just… I don’t know.” He looked at Dean, who still had a worried expression on his face. “Just… do something.”  
“We could go to the lake again,” Dean suggested. “If you want to.”  
“Yes.” Castiel smiled at him. “Sounds nice.”  
“You can have trunks from me,” Dean offered. “So you don’t have to go home and get yours.”  
“Thank you.”  
They changed to the trunks and packed some towels and something to drink and then drove off to the lake. Castiel drove them to the same place they had been yesterday, because it was like always empty there.  
Dean laid the backpack with the towels and the beverage bottles down next to the motorcycles and they went straight to the water. Spending time with Dean really helped Castiel to forget the memories for a while and just relaxed.  
After an hour or something, they left the water and spread their towels on the ground, to lay down on them. Castiel pulled his pack of smokes out of the backpack and lit a cigarette.  
“You shouldn’t do this, y’know” Dean said.  
Castiel just looked at him and frowned.  
“Smoking,” he said then. “It’s not healthy.”  
Castiel just shrugged and dragged on his cigarette. “So?”  
“They could kill you.”  
Castiel sighed. “Look, Dean. It’s not that I don’t know that cigarettes are unhealthy. I just don’t care. I’m gonna die anyway.”  
Dean pressed his lips together. “Fine. I can’t force you to stop with it. But I don’t agree.”  
“Okay.” Castiel smiled at Dean and ran his fingers through Dean’s wet hair before he pulled him closer for a kiss. He felt Dean’s lips stretching in a smile under his and chuckled quietly. “Why are you smiling?”  
“I’m happy,” Dean simply said. “I’m with you and this makes me happy.”  
Castiel frowned and scoffed surprised. “Really?”  
“Yeah.” Dean tilted his head. “Why do you look so surprised?”  
“Because I am. That’s… uhm…” Castiel hesitated. “No one ever said this to me.”  
“Oh, c’mon. This can’t be true.”  
Castiel didn’t answer him, but just lowered his gaze and then finished his cigarette and flicked it away.  
“Really?” Dean asked.  
Still not saying anything, Castiel just shrugged.  
“Well I said it. And I meant it.” Dean bent over and kissed Castiel. “You make me happy.”  
“Thank you, Dean.” Castiel smiled. “You make me happy too.”  
Dean grinned and then pulled his phone out of his backpack.  
“What are you doing?” Castiel asked suspicious when Dean shifted his position and focused his phone on Cas.  
“Nothing,” Dean just said but in this moment, Castiel heard the sound the phone made when someone took a picture.  
“You can’t be serious,” he groaned and then turned on his stomach and buried his face in his arms.  
“I am.” Dean tried to force Castiel to turn his head so he could take pictures, but Castiel refused. “Awh, c’mon. Just a few pictures.”  
“But why now?” Castiel asked. “I look like shit.”  
“You don’t.” Dean climbed on top of Castiel and sat down on the small of his back.  
Castiel chuckled. “That way you won’t get any pictures of me for sure,” he said.  
“I’m just gonna make pictures of your tattoos.”  
“You do this,” Castiel mumbled sleepily. It was actually pretty nice like this.  
After a while Dean laid his phone aside.  
“Cas?” he asked and his tone of voice made Castiel suspicious.  
“What?”  
“Do you… I mean… are those scars?” he asked quietly and trailed his fingers over Castiel’s back. Castiel’s body tensed and he abruptly stood up. Dean fell down for him and looked at him worried.  
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have asked this.”  
“No, I-” Castiel stopped and tied his arms around himself when he felt a panic attack creeping up his chest. He could stop this.  
He just needed to…  
He needed to…  
“Castiel!” Dean suddenly was right in front of him and held his face with both hands. “Breathe. Slow.” Dean inhaled and exhaled deeply a few times, until Castiel managed to breathe with him. “It’s alright. I’m sorry I asked this. Just calm down.”  
“I… I’m sorry,” Castiel managed to say. He turned away from Dean and sank down on the ground, tying his arms around his knees and burying his face between them. “No, no, no, no, no!” he mumbled when the memories took over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me kudos / comments so I see if you liked it ♥


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... here you have the next chaper.  
> There is not much to say to it, so yeah

_“Didn’t I tell you to keep quiet about it?” his father shouted. “I told you not to tell it anyone!”_  
 _“I… I didn’t,” Castiel stuttered. “I-I swear.”_  
 _“Then how did she find out?!” His father’s hand hit his chest and Castiel stumbled and fell down._  
 _“I don’t know!” Castiel crawled away from him, but when his back bumped against the kitchen counter, he was trapped._  
 _“You just should’ve been more careful, you piece of shit!” his father shouted and in the next moment his belt hit Castiel hard. Castiel cried out and curled himself together, trying to protect his face. His father’s belt hit him hard on the back, multiple times. Castiel screamed and cried, trying to escape his father’s hits, but there was nothing he could do._

A sharp pain in his face startled Castiel and for a moment he didn’t know where he was, until he saw Dean in front of him. Dean looked at him with widened eyes, and he looked slightly shocked.  
“I-I’m sorry, Cas,” he stuttered. “I just… I just heard that this would help and I… are you… are you okay?”  
“Yes,” Castiel answered and exhaled heavily when he realized that the flashback was over before worse memories came.  
“Hey,” Dean said softly and pulled him closer and only then Castiel realized that his whole body was shaking. “Shhh.” Castiel clenched his hands in Dean’s arms and forced himself to take deep breaths.  
“I’m so sorry, Dean,” Castiel said when he had calmed down again. “I… I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s been months since my last panic attack and then yesterday… and now again. I’m really sorry.”  
“You don’t have to be sorry,” Dean said gently and cupped Castiel’s face with his hand. “It’s alright.”  
“No, it’s not,” Castiel groaned and leaned his forehead against Dean’s shoulder. “I’m sorry I’m such a fuck up. I’d understand if you break up with me.”  
“Hey, don’t say this. I won’t leave you. I’m here for you.” Dean pressed a kiss on Castiel’s temple.  
“Thank you, Dean,” Castiel mumbled against Dean’s shoulder.  
“Anytime.”

***

After the whole situation had calmed down a little, Castiel and Dean had gone to the water again and afterwards just spent the whole afternoon there, talking and stuff.  
Castiel had really calmed down and felt good again, but as soon as he entered his house this evening, he felt the whole tension coming back. At first, he didn’t know if he should tell his dad that he was home again, but then he decided not to do it, so he would have a little more time in peace. Instead he walked to the kitchen and grabbed a beer – his father wouldn’t notice if one was missing – before he went upstairs in his room.  
Shadow was sitting on the tree outside his window, so he opened the window and let the cat in. It purred pleased when Castiel petted its head and Castiel felt some of the tension drop off.  
He sat down on the rickety chair next to his wooden desk and continued to stroke Shadow while he turned on some music.  
A few minutes later, he heard his father walking upstairs, so he hid the beer can behind some books and hastily carried Shadow to the window and placed her on a thick branch. Right in the moment he closed the window again, his father opened the door to his room and Castiel turned around, involuntarily pressing his back against the window.  
“Where have you been?” his father asked. Castiel narrowed his eyes. His father sounded much less drunk than usual. Cas wasn’t sure if this was good or bad.  
“Outside,” he just said.  
“Where?”  
“At the lake.”  
“Alone?”  
Castiel gulped. “Uhh, no.”  
His father stepped closer; Castiel wanted to step back, but he already stood with the back against the wall. Nervously he licked over his lips and tried to calm down his breath.  
“Who was with you?” his father asked.  
“Uhh, a… a friend,” Castiel lied. His father didn’t know that he was into boys and Castiel was sure that he wouldn’t be pleased if he found out.  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” his father asked with a dangerously quiet voice.  
“Y-you were… asleep,” Castiel stuttered.  
His father slapped him in the face and then roughly grabbed Castiel’s chin and forced him to look at him. “You _don’t_ just go out without telling me where you are,” he snarled. “Do you understand?!”  
“Y-yes.” Castiel’s voice was rough, filled with fear.  
“I asked, _if you understood_?!” his father shouted now.  
“Yes,” Castiel said, this times forcing his voice to be louder. Before he could prepare for this, his father’s fist hit him hard in the face.  
“You fucking piece of shit,” his father said. “Who do you think you are? You won’t ever leave this house without my permission again, or I will chain you up in here and let you _rot_. You understand?”  
“Yes!” Castiel couldn’t hold back a cry when his father threw him on the floor and he hit his head on the wall.  
“You are a fucking disgrace. I should’ve drowned you with this dog.”  
His father left the room and left Castiel behind, laying on the floor and screaming internally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please please please leave me kudos / comments so I know if you like it!! ♥♥


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm so so so so sorry it took me so long to upload a new chapter.  
> But I have loads of familiar / personal problems atm and it's difficult to focus on writing then.  
> I will try to upload regular again, but no promises, I'm sorry.

Dean and Sam were watching TV when they suddenly heard a loud knock on the door. Dean turned his head and frowned. They had a doorbell, and even if someone knocked, then they usually knocked more than just once.  
“I’m gonna look who it is,” Sam said and stood up. While Sam went to the door, there was another knock and then a loud thud and the sound of shuttering glass.  
Now Dean stood up too and followed Sam. In the moment he left the living room, he heard someone say his name. And he knew this voice. He would recognize it under thousands.  
“Cas?” he asked and ran to the door. Cas kneeled in the doorway, head bent and the shattered pieces of a bottle whiskey around him. “What happened?”  
Cas opened his mouth to answer him, but instead he started sobbing. Dean went hastily to him and shove his hands under Castiel’s armpits, helping him up on his feet.  
“Uhm, could you explain why we let this drunk freak in?” Sam asked frowning.  
“It’s okay,” Dean said and breathed heavily under Castiel’s weight. “He’s my boyfriend.”  
Sam looked surprised and maybe even a little shocked at him, while he more or less carried Castiel inside.  
“Your… what?”  
Dean ignored him and brought Castiel upstairs to his room.  
“Stop crying, Cas. Please,” Dean said when he let him down on his bed. “Tell me what happened.”  
But Castiel just fell down on his side and pressed a pillow on his face, still sobbing.  
“Please Cas,” Dean pulled the pillow away and in this moment he saw it. Almost Castiel’s whole face was bruised and bloody.  
“Jesus Castiel! Who did this to you?”  
“It… It was my father,” Castiel mumbled when he slowly stopped crying.  
“Why did he do this?” Dean asked, desperately trying to stay calm.  
Castiel laughed almost hysterically. “Because I didn’t tell him that I’d go out. Because _he was asleep_. And now when I go back he’s gonna chain me up again.” The laughter got louder until he broke down sobbing again. “He’s gonna kill me, Dean.”  
“No, Cas.” Dean pulled Castiel against his chest and held him tightly. “He won’t kill you. We’ll call the police, okay? He won’t harm you anymore.”  
“No!” Castiel pushed Dean back. “No police! Promise me you won’t call them!”  
“But Cas, you-”  
“ _Promise me!_ ”  
Dean sighed, but when he saw the panic in Castiel’s eyes he eventually nodded. “Fine. I won’t call them, until you’re okay with it,” he said then.  
“Good.” Castiel sank down on the bed and laid his hand over his nose.  
“Does it hurt?” Dean asked. “Should I get you some ice?”  
“No,” Castiel mumbled. “Just stay with me.”  
Castiel tied his arms around Dean’s neck and pulled him closed for a kiss. Dean felt that Castiel needed this, so he didn’t pull back. Castiel buried his fingers in Dean’s hair and his tongue slipped into Dean’s mouth. Dean couldn’t help but let out a quiet gasp, his fingers tangling into Castiel’s hair.  
“Cas,” Dean said when he ended the kiss. “I’m going downstairs for a moment and tell Sammy and bring you some water, okay?”  
“Don’t go,” Castiel mumbled.  
“I’ll be back in a minute, alright?”  
“Okay.” Castiel pressed his lips briefly on Dean’s. Dean stood up and went downstairs. Sammy had just cleared up the shards from the bottle and looked questioningly at Dean.  
“Is he… alright?”  
Dean sighed and shook his head. “Not really. But, uhh, listen, Sammy. I… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about him… I just-”  
“It’s alright,” Sam interrupted him. “We’ll talk somewhen else. Go and look after him.”  
“Okay. Thank you, Sammy.” Dean grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge and went upstairs to Castiel again.  
When he entered the room, Castiel stood with the back towards him in front of the window, staring out of it.  
“Cas? You alright.”  
“You know… my dad never loved me,” Castiel said quietly without answering Dean’s question. “But that isn’t even the worst. What really bugs me… is that my mom did. But she left though.” He scoffed. “Not that I could blame her. He didn’t love her either. He just stayed with her because she was pregnant.” Castiel was quiet for a moment. “But then came Michael. He’s my oldest brother. My father _adored_ him. – Still does, even now after Michael left.” Castiel ran his fingers through his hair. “My mom… she almost died at Michael’s birth. But my father wanted more children. Well, _sons_ actually. So he forced her to have more children with him. He _raped_ her.” Castiel sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. “So my mom got three more children. Gabriel, Lucifer and me. All of us boys. You would think my dad would be happy about it. But Lucifer and I never were good enough. Well, Lucifer always rebelled. He was the first one who realized how fucked up our father was. Especially after our mother left and he began to hit us more often. You know, he almost never hit Michael. Because Michael was always his favorite child. I’m not just saying this, Dean. I’m serious. Michael and Gabriel… those two were just how he wanted them to be. But me and Lucifer not. Lucifer was like I said always a rebel and I… I’m just too much like my mom. That’s all he needs… to hate me.” Castiel’s voice broke and he wrapped his arms around himself. Dean walked up to him and hugged him tightly.  
“That’s not your fault,” he whispered. “None of this.”  
Castiel shook his head. “That’s not even all.”  
Dean raised his eyebrows. “There’s more?”  
“Yes,” whispered hoarsely.  
“Do you… do you want to tell me?”  
Castiel shook his head. “You would hate me.” Castiel’s voice broke. “If you knew… you would hate me.”  
“I would never hate you,” Dean said and pressed his lips on Castiel’s temple. “But if you don’t want to talk about this, it’s okay.”  
Castiel laid his hands around Dean’s waist and nuzzled his head in the crook of Dean’s neck. “Don’t leave me alone,” he mumbled.  
“Of course not.” Dean stroke soothingly Castiel’s back. “You should drink some water,” he said after a while and pulled back a little so he could look at Castiel.  
“Okay,” Castiel yawned and rubbed with the back of his hand over his eyes.  
“You’re tired.” Dean couldn’t help but smile a little. Castiel looked adorable with his messy hair. “How much sleep did you get last night?”  
“Maybe three hours.” Castiel grabbed the water bottle Dean reached him and then drank out of it.  
“Okay. You need to sleep now. Do you want a shirt from me or something?”  
“No, I’ll just keep mine,” Castiel murmured and then fumbled on his belt, but he seemed to have problems with even grabbing the right part to open it.  
“Lemme help you,” Dean said and then opened the belt for him. It was slightly awkward, but Dean decided to just ignore this.  
“Thank you,” Castiel mumbled and then pulled off his jeans and then laid down on Dean’s bed. Dean took off his jeans too and pulled on a different t-shirt before he laid down as well. Castiel moved closer to him and Dean wrapped his arms around Cas.  
Almost immediately, Castiel fell asleep. Dean on the other hand, laid awake for hours. He couldn’t stop thinking about all those terrible things, which had happened to Castiel and his family. _And he didn’t even know all of it._  
How much worse could this story even get?  
Dean rubbed over Castiel’s back and buried his face in his black hair. He just wanted Castiel to never get hurt again. To be happy. To be safe.  
To feel loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me kudos / comments, so I know if you liked it ♥


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm really sorry for updating so irregularily but atm there is just so much shit happening in my life etc etc, I won't go into detail now.  
> And - as sad as it makes me - it won't really be better in the next time.
> 
> On Monday (28th of July) I'm going to a clinic, where I won't have internet access. I can go home every weekend, which means I won't be able to update more than once a week - maybe if it flows twice.  
> I'm really really sorry guys, but there is just no other possibility atm.  
> I will try therefore to write longer chapters, but I can't promise it.  
> I'm sorry.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like this chapter.  
> Enjoy.

Castiel woke up the next morning with a terrible headache. He groaned and turned on his stomach to bury his face in a pillow, when his arm touched something. – Someone, he corrected himself when he realized it. He jerked upright and looked at the person next to him. Dean.  
When he looked around, he noticed that he wasn’t at home.  
How did he get here?  
“Cas?” Dean mumbled sleepily and turned on his back, blinking a few times. “You’re awake.”  
“Uh… yeah.”  
“Are you okay?” Dean sat up and looked worried at Castiel.  
“I, uh, I guess so. When did I come here?”  
Dean shrugged. “At about eleven or twelve. Don’t you remember it?”  
Castiel shook his head and buried it in his hands when the headache got worse.  
“Do you need a painkiller?” Dean asked hastily.  
“No. No pills.”  
Dean frowned but luckily didn’t ask. “Okay. But… if it gets worse, just tell me.”  
Castiel just nodded. Dean opened his mouth to say something, but before he could do this, Castiel asked: “Can I use the bathroom, please?”  
“Sure. It’s just next door.”  
Castiel nodded and then climbed out the bed and went to the bathroom. After going on the toilet, he washed his face with cold water and then placed his hands on the edge of the lavabo. He looked horrible. His eyes were red with dark rings under them – plus he still had a black eye from his father –, his cheek was swollen and his hair was oily and even messier than usual and he smelled like a cheap liquor store.  
He guessed that Dean would be okay with him using the shower, so he took off his shirt and his underwear and then took a quick shower.  
After this, he felt a lot better. He dressed again and then went back to Dean’s room. Dean stood in front of his closet and had just put on some trousers.  
“Sorry for not asking before I showered, but I…”  
“No problem,” Dean interrupted him. “Are you alright?”  
“Yeah. Sure. I… uh, I guess I’ll head home then.”  
“Cas… I know you said you don’t remember last night, but _I_ do. You got beaten up from your father and from what you told me, it’s gonna get much worse if you go home now.”  
Castiel’s whole body tensed. “What did I tell you?!” he asked sharply.  
Dean frowned. “You, uh, you told me from your father. How he treated your mother and you and your brothers.”  
“What _exactly_ did I tell you?” Castiel prayed that he didn’t tell him everything. If Dean knew the whole truth…  
“Well, that he… forced your mother to have more children with him, that he always hit you and your brothers… that… Michael was his favorite son… and you and Lucifer… that he…”  
Castiel gulped when Dean hesitated with telling him. What if he had told him everything?  
“That he hit you two the most because Lucifer rebelled and you were too much like your mother.”  
Castiel exhaled relieved. “That’s all?”  
Dean nodded. “Yes.”  
“Thank god,” Castiel muttered under his breath.  
“Cas… I know there is more. And I know you don’t want to talk about it. But just… _if_ you change your mind and need someone to talk to… Just know I’m here.”  
“Yes. Thank you, Dean.” Castiel chewed on his lip. “But I really need to go home now. My father… he’s gonna get angrier the longer I stay away.”  
Dean looked really worried. “Are you sure you don’t want to call the police?”  
“Yes. And Dean… please promise me you won’t call them either.” Castiel looked pleading at Dean. "It would just make things worse. Really.”  
Dean hesitated. “Look, Cas. Yesterday you said your father had threated you to chain you up. Can’t you understand why I’m worried about you?”  
Castiel forced himself to a laugh, even though he just wanted to break down and cry. “I understand. But don’t worry, Dean. He often says things like that. But those are just empty threats. He won’t do this,” Castiel lied. In fact, he wasn’t so sure about this. It wouldn’t be the first time his father would chain him up somewhere. Castiel forced himself to take a deep breath when he felt a panic attack creeping up in his chest. “So… don’t call the police, okay?”  
“One hour, Castiel. You can go home, but if you haven’t called me one hour after you left, I’m gonna call the police okay?”  
“Okay.” Castiel forced himself to a smile and nodded. “So I’ll go now.”  
“Fine,” Dean said even if he still looked as if he wanted to keep Castiel here. They walked downstairs to the front door.  
“Thank you for… for last night, Dean. And I’m sorry I did this.”  
“Don’t apologize. It’s alright. But Cas… please be careful, okay? Not just with your dad, but in general. You shouldn’t drive when you’re drunk. – Well, you shouldn’t drink in general, but I understand why you did this. Just… just please be careful. And don’t hesitate calling me or coming here if you need me, okay? I’m always here.”  
“Thank you, Dean.” Castiel’s voice broke and he pulled Dean closer for a kiss. They just stood there for a while, entwined in each other’s arms, even after the kiss had ended.  
“Be careful, okay?” Dean whispered. “I’m worried about you.”  
Castiel just nodded and buried his face deeper in the crook of Dean’s neck. He knew that he should go home. His father would be furious. But nobody had ever cared so much about him as Dean did and so Castiel just wanted to stay here for a little bit longer.  
But eventually he had to pull back because he knew he had to go home.  
“One hour,” Dean said. “Call me as soon as you get home. And if your father does something to you… you come back instantly. Or I’ll get you with the police in an hour.”  
“Don’t worry. I’ll be alright. I’ll call you.” Cas kissed Dean again and then walked to his motorcycle. His smile dropped as soon as he put on the helmet and he drove off without looking back again. He managed to stay calm as long as he was in sight, but as soon as he knew Dean couldn’t see him anymore, he stopped at the roadside and climbed off the motorcycle. He broke down on his knees and yanked the helmet off his head because he couldn’t breathe. His whole body was shaking and he bit down on his hand to hold back a scream.  
He didn’t want to go back home.  
But he had to.  
If he wouldn’t go back by himself, his father would get him and then everything would be even worse. Castiel didn’t even have to imagine what his father would do to him. Because he had already experienced this once. Back then, he had only been fourteen. So he guessed that now, it would be even worse.  
Castiel forced himself to get up again, even if he was still sobbing uncontrollably and he could barely breathe and put his helmet back on. His whole body was still trembling and he needed four attempts to start the engine before he finally managed.it.  
He didn’t need nearly as long to get home as he wished. When he parked the motorcycle in front of the house and climbed off it, he felt tears burning in his eyes again. But he forced himself to hold them back, when he pulled the helmet off and walked slowly to the front door.  
“Dad?” he called. “I- I’m home.” He hated how much his voice was shaking, but he couldn’t help it.  
For a moment nothing happened, but then he heard his father’s heavy steps slowly coming closer.  
“Where have you been?” his father asked when he stood right in front of Castiel.  
Castiel had to fight against the urge to step back. His father wasn’t much taller than him, but when he was angry, he seemed huge.  
“I… at- at a f-friend’s,” Castiel stuttered.  
“Didn’t I tell you not to leave the house again?!”  
“I-I’m sorry.”  
His father hit him hard in the face. “You better be. And now go upstairs in your room. I’m not done with you. Castiel’s heart skipped a beat but then he slowly nodded and went to his room.  
He was already close to a panic attack again. But somehow his brain still worked and he realized that this would probably be his last chance to call Dean and make sure he wouldn’t call the police.  
Castiel pulled his phone out of his pocket and called Dean, nervously looking at the door.  
“Cas?” Dean asked when he picked up the phone. “Are you alright?”  
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Castiel said, forcing himself to calm down. “I just wanted to call and tell you that you don’t have to call the police. My dad didn’t do anything to me.”  
“Really? And is he angry? I mean… will he do anything to you later?”  
“No. It’s alright. He’s probably already asleep again,” Castiel lied. “I’m gonna go and make myself something to eat. I’ll talk to you later.” Castiel was surprised, how easy it was to lie; usually when he was so close to a panic attack, he couldn’t get out a word. But it was probably just his worries about Dean.  
“Okay. Be careful, Cas. We see us.”  
Castiel ended the call and shove the phone back in his pocket, right in the moment the door opened and his father came in.  
When Castiel saw the look on his father’s face and what he held in his hand, he couldn’t help, but stumble backwards until his back hit the wall.  
He knew – with one glance he knew – if his father would beat him to death today, that would be considered as a lenient end of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me kudos / comments so I know if you liked it ♥  
> (and sorry again)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating last weekend guys, but I only was out the clinic on Sunday and I just had no time for typing and uploading it.  
> Therefore you will get two or three chapters this weekend, I wrote really much in the last two weeks!!  
> I hope you like it!  
> Enjoy ♥

“Did your, uhh, boyfriend leave?” Sam suddenly asked behind him. Dean winced startled and turned around. He was in the kitchen and after Castiel had called, he had been relieved, but still worried. What if his father would hurt him again?  
”Yes,” he said then to Sam.  
Sam chewed on his lip. “So, uh, how long are you two together?”  
”Not long. A few days.”  
Sam nodded and for a while, there was silence between the brothers. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Sam asked then. “I heard rumours, but the whole time I thought they weren’t true because I thought you’d tell me if you’re gay. – Especially if you have a boyfriend!”  
”I’m sorry, Sam,” Dean apologized. I know that was wrong from me. But I just… I didn’t know how. And I didn’t know how you’d react and-“  
”Dean…” Sam interrupted him. “You are my brother. I will always love you. No matter if you’re straight or not. I don’t care. As long as it makes you happy, I will always be there for you.”  
”Thank you, Sammy.” Dean smiled and hugged his not-so-little brother.  
”No need to thank me. – So… is he… is he alright again?”  
Dean pressed his lips together. “I don’t know if I’m allowed to talk with you about this. It’s just… he has some problems at home with his father and… well, yesterday it got worse again and I’m really worried about him.”  
Sam nodded understanding. “Did his father… hit him?”  
Dean hesitated a moment, but then nodded. “But Sam… don’t tell anyone, okay?”  
”Of course not. But if I can help somehow… just tell me, alright?”  
”Sure. Thank you, Sammy.”

This had been six hours ago.  
Now, it was short after seven, Dean was in his room, nervously walking around. He hadn’t heard from Castiel since the phone call, despite several messages Dean had sent.  
At 8:30, after another unanswered call, Dean just couldn’t wait any longer. He grabbed his car keys and went downstairs to go to Castiel. But when he came into the kitchen, he stopped surprised.  
”Dad?!”  
His father sat at the kitchen table, drinking a beer, as if he hadn’t just been away for three days.  
”What are you doing here?!”  
”I live here,” his father said without looking at Dean.  
”Well, uh, yeah. But you haven’t been home in three days. And before this, only for two hours. Don’t you think you could at least say hello?”  
His father scoffed. “As if you were planning to spend time with me. Or do you wanna tell me, you aren’t on your way out right now?”  
”Well… yeah. It would’ve been nice to know that you’re here though. When did you even come back?”  
”’Bout two hours ago,” his father said and emptied his beer.  
”Does Sam know that you’re here?”  
”Yeah. Saw me when he went out.”  
”Okay. – Uh, listen, I really need to go now, but-“  
”Just go,” his father interrupted him. “Don’t worry about me.”  
”When are you leaving again?”  
”Tomorrow evening.”  
”Good. Then we’ll see us later or tomorrow.”  
”Good.”  
Dean left the house, but when he sat in his car and started the engine he realized that he didn’t even know where Castiel lived. He sweared and then pulled out his phone. Castiel still didn’t pick up, so Dean just phoned around until he got Chuck’s number, who could finally tell him where Castiel lived.  
As soon as Dean figured it out, he drove off. It was only a small house, near the forest, a bit off from everyone else. Dean walked to the door, but before he knocked, he hesitated a moment. What if Castiel would get in trouble for Dean being here?  
So Dean pulled his phone out of his pocket and called Castiel again. But once again, no one picked up.  
Right in the moment, he wanted to knock, he heard a loud bang – a shot?! – from behind the house. Even though his mind screamed not to do it, Dean walked around the house.  
There was no one; just the beginning of the forest. Dean frowned, but then he heard another bang. – Another couple of bangs, to be exactly.  
 _Stupid!_ , his mind screamed when he followed the noise. _You’re gonna get killed!_

But Dean continued walking. After a few minutes, the forest got lighter and eventually he found a small clearing.  
”Cas?” he asked surprised when he saw who was there. Castiel sat on the ground, a bottle of whiskey in one hand, a gun in the other one and shot aimlessly on the trees.  
When he heard Dean’s voice, he jerked around and shot in his direction. Dean screamed shocked, but the bulled missed him.  
”Jesus, Cas! It’s me!” Dean raised his hands defending. Castiel’s eyes widened and he let the gun fall down.  
“Dean?! What are you doing here?”  
Dean slowly walked closer and saw new injuries on Castiel’s face. Dammit. Castiel’s other eye was now bruised too, his nose seemed to be broken and his lips were swollen and bruised.  
Castiel awkwardly stood up and stumbled towards Dean. Dean caught him before he fell down and in the moment, Castiel tied his arms around Dean’s neck, he started sobbing. Dean soothingly stroke Castiel’s back and for a few minutes, Castiel was just crying.  
”He’s gone!” he managed to say then.  
”What? Who?”  
”My- my dad,” Castiel sobbed. “He’s gone!”  
Dean licked over his lips, hesitating before he talked. “Don’t get me wrong,” he said then, “but isn’t this good?”  
”No!” Castiel cried out and then sank down on his knees, burying his face in his hands. “Last time he left like that… he brought _them_ ,” he slurred. Dean could hardly understand him.  
”Them?” he asked, kneeling down too. “Who do you mean?”  
Castiel looked up, his blue eyes as cold as Dean had never seen them. “ _Friends_ of him,” he said with a weird emphasis of the word friends.  
”What did they do to you, Cas?” Dean asked. In this moment he felt a first raindrop landing on his head. Castiel didn’t answer him. It began to rain harder fast. Dean grabbed Castiel’s arm and pulled him up on his feet.  
”Let’s go inside.”  
Castiel nodded and stumbled on Dean’s side through the forest. When they arrived at the small house, they both were soaked in water.  
”Is it okay for you to be here?” Dean asked.  
Castiel nodded wordlessly and pushed the door open. They entered and Dean looked around curious. Everything was pretty old and maybe a bit shaggy, but actually not so bad.  
Castiel shrugged off his jacket and threw it carelessly on the floor. He only wore a tanktop under it and Dean could see even more bruises on his arms and abrasions on his wrists.  
Still without saying a word, Castiel entered a small kitchen and took a beer out of the fridge.  
”Do you think…” Dean asked hesitant. “It’s a good idea… to drink even more.”  
Castiel just looked at him in a way, which made clear what he thought about it.  
”Alright,” Dean sighed.  
Castiel opened the can and took a sip. He walked to a light switch, because since the storm had begun, it had gotten dark fast. He pressed it, but nothing happened. Dean heard him swear quietly and Castiel hit his fist against the wall and leaned his forehead against his arm.  
Dean was really worried. Castiel looked so exhausted and sad and hurt and just… _done_. “Cas… are you…”  
”Don’t,” Castiel whispered. “Please just… don’t talk. I can’t-“ his voice broke. For a moment Dean thought Castiel was crying, but then he turned around. His eyes were red, but there were no tears.  
Castiel placed the beer on the kitchen table and opened several cupboards before he found what he was searching for. He took out some big candles and placed them on the table before he pulled a lighter out of his pocket and lit the candles.  
When he lit all of them, he sat down on one of the wooden chairs and Dean sat down vis-à-vis from him.  
Castiel looked down on the table, his hands cramped around the can. He took a sip and then exhaled shakily.  
”Dean…” He pressed his lips together. “You shouldn’t be here.”  
Dean reached over the table and laid his hand around Castiel’s. “Of course I’m here. I’m always here for you.  
Cas scoffed. “I’m just a fucked up wreck, Dean.” He took another sip from his beer and stared on the wall, water dropping out of his hair on the table. “You really shouldn’t be here.”  
”But I am here,” Dean said and reached with his hand for Cas’. “And I will stay.”  
Castiel inhaled deeply, holding his breath for a moment, before he exhaled shakily, his tongue playing with his lip piercing. “Why? Why would you stay? I’m a wreck. I’m used, I’m unworthy. I’m not worth your time. I’m not worth anything.”  
”Cas…” Dean moved his chair around the table, so he sat next to Castiel. “Please talk to me. I want to know what happened to you. Why do you think like this? Please talk to me!”  
Castiel ran his hand through his wet hair and chewed on his lower lip. “You would hate me.”  
”I wouldn’t,” Dean said secure.  
”You would.”  
”Cas.” Dean turned around so he looked at Castiel. “Look at me.”  
Castiel hesitated, but then he turned his head and looked over at Dean.  
”Did you hurt my brother?” Dean asked.  
Castiel frowned. “No. Of course not.”  
”Then… did you steal something from me?”  
Castiel shook his head.  
”Did you kill someone without any reason?”  
”No.”  
”You see?” Dean said. “I won’t hate you.”  
”You will be disgusted by me.”  
”Cas.” Dean laid his hand on Castiel’s cheek and pulled him closer for a soft kiss. “I won’t, okay? No matter what, I’m here for you. Just trust me.”  
But those seemed to be the wrong words. Castiel’s body tensed. “I can’t trust. I can’t trust anyone.”  
Dean nodded slowly. “Look, you don’t have to fully trust me. But please, just tell me what worries you. It’s just… it seems like it really pulls you down, because you’re afraid I’ll judge you for it. Just please tell me. You’ll see I won’t judge you. Please.”  
Castiel hesitated. He laid his hand over Dean’s, which laid still on his cheek and exhaled shakily.  
”Are you… are you really sure you want to know this? Because it’s…” he sighed. “I don’t think you want to know this.”  
”Please tell me, Cas. I think it would help you to talk about this.”  
Castiel sighed. “Alright.” He took a deep breath and seemed to search for the right words for a moment. “Since my father and I are alone… he has always been cruel to me. Some of the things you know, like the hitting. But… there is more.” He hesitated. “Worse.” Castiel took another sip of his beer. “The first time it happened… I was fourteen. My father had lost his job and we were running out of money. I worked in a store on the weekends, which brought some money, but my father spent all of it for alcohol and of course it wasn’t nearly enough.” Castiel sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. A few drops of water landed on the table. “So my father found a method to earn money fast. And in a way _he_ hadn’t something to do for it.”  
Dean frowned and to be honest, he was kinda afraid to hear what had happened to Castiel.  
”My father,” Castiel continued. “He… had some… _friends_. And whenever we ran out of money or whenever he simply wanted _more_ he would call them and they… they…” Castiel’s whole body was trembling. Dean took his hand and pressed gently.  
Castiel took a deep breath. “They paid him,” he said then. “They paid him to… to have sex with me.”  
Dean’s eyes widened and he couldn’t help but let out a small shocked sound.  
”I… I don’t know how much they paid him… but I think it was really much. Especially… one of them. Bill.” Castiel winced when he said the name. “He… he would pay my father more so he was allowed to… “live out his preferences” with me, like he said it. I heard them talk about it. At first I didn’t know what he meant, but when he came upstairs and began doing all those things to me…”  
Dean couldn’t believe what Castiel was telling him. That was so… cruel. But he didn’t interrupt him, because by now the words seemed to just float out and perhaps it was good for Castiel to get this off his chest.  
”He… he tied me up and he… hit me and spanked me and… sometimes he brought _things_. Like whips. He liked it when I was hurt. When I was bruised or bleeding and especially when I screamed. He… was so cruel to me. I mean… the others were bad enough, but he… it was just too much. The… the scars on my back… most of them are from him. I got the tattoo to cover them up… but if you look close enough, you can still see them.”  
When Castiel ended, they both sat there in silence for a while. Dean was just completely stunned. He couldn’t believe Castiel had to go through all of this.  
Castiel sighed when Dean didn’t say anything. “I’m sorry, Dean,” he apologized then.  
”No,” Dean said hastily. “Don’t be. I… I just don’t know what I should say. You’re so…” Dean hesitated, searching for the right word. He felt Castiel’s body tensing.  
”Strong,” he said then. “You went through all of this and you’re still such an incredible and amazing person.”  
Castiel relaxed slightly. “Do you really think this?”  
”Yes. It’s… it’s incredibly cruel what happened to you. And if there’s a way I can help you… then please tell me. No matter what, I’m here for you. Don’t forget this.”  
Castiel laughed briefly and clearly relieved and then tied his arms around Dean’s neck and hugged him tightly.  
”Thank you, Dean!” His voice was quiet, but Dean could hear how relieved he was.  
”No need to thank me.” Dean rubbed over Castiel’s back and so they just sat there for a while in silence. Until Dean noticed that Castiel yawned.  
”You’re tired,” Dean said.  
”Yeah, but don’t leave. I can’t sleep anyway.” Castiel’s grip tightened and he nuzzled his head in the crook of Dean’s neck.  
”I won’t leave you. But you can come with me.”  
Castiel shook his head. “Can’t leave here,” he mumbled sleepily.  
”Cas… I don’t think it’s good to stay.”  
”You don’t understand. If I’m not here when my dad comes back, he will be raging.”  
”Fine. But I’ll stay with you.”  
”You sure?”  
Dean nodded. Castiel sighed, but then nodded too before he emptied the beer can with a big gulp and tossed it in the trashcan.  
”I don’t think the electricity will work upstairs.” Cas pulled out a paraffin lamp and lit it, before he gave it to Dean and then took the candles.  
Dean followed him upstairs where Castiel stopped in front of a door. “Uh…” he said hesitating. “My room isn’t as big as yours and…”  
”It’s alright, Cas.”  
Cas nodded, noticeably nervous before he opened the door. Dean entered the room and looked around. The room was small, but it looked nice. There was a bed, a closed and a desk, everything made of dark wood.  
”It looks nice,” Dean said.  
”Really?” Castiel smiled. He placed the candles on the desk and Dean did the same with the paraffin lamp.  
”Uhh, if you want, you can have a dry shirt from me,” Castiel offered.  
Dean looked down on his still wet shirt. “That would be nice.”  
Castiel opened the closet and pulled a t-shirt out of it. “This okay?”  
”Sure.” Dean took off his own shirt and hanged it over the back of the chair which stood next to the bed before he pulled on Castiel’s shirt. It was black, like most of Castiel’s clothes, and on the back was the logo from _Social Distortion_.  
Castiel pulled off his tanktop and took on another one, which had the logo from _Social Distortion_ on it too. Dean smiled when he saw it.  
”What?” Castiel asked.  
Dean just grinned and turned around, showing Castiel the back of the shirt he was wearing. “Coincidence?”  
Cas laughed too. – Dean was really happy about this.  
”I just have too many shirts from them.”  
”Possible.”  
Castiel leaned his arm against the closet and used the other hand to open the shoelaces from his boots before he toed them off. When he walked across the room to close the curtains, Dean couldn’t help but notice how good Castiel looked. It was probably the wrong time, but – damn – Castiel should wear tanktops and sweatpants more often.  
”Why are you looking at me like this?” Castiel asked.  
Dean blushed lightly and hoped Castiel couldn’t see it in this light. It was stupid, but suddenly he was nervous again, like he had been the first few times they had talked.  
Castiel noticed it immediately. He narrowed his eyes. “Oh, don’t go back to nervosity! I thought we were through this.”  
”Sorry.”  
Castiel walked towards him and when he stood right in front of him, Dean couldn’t help but grin. He had never noticed so far, but without those heavy boots, Castiel was good two inches shorter than Dean.  
”Don’t bite your lip like that,” Castiel murmured rough and laid his thumb on Dean’s lower lip, just like he had done it the first day they had talked. “You know what I’ll do if you bite your lip like that.”  
Dean grinned and then bit his lip on purpose. he felt weird doing this, because he thought it looked stupid, but it had the effect, he wanted it to. Castiel growled and pulled Dean closer for a kiss. Dean gasped quietly when he felt Castiel’s teeth scraping against his lower lip and pulled him closer. Castiel grinned and nibbled on Dean’s lower lip.  
When Dean felt how Castiel stood on his tiptoes, he couldn’t hold back a brief laugh.  
”Why are you laughing?” Castiel asked him.  
”I’m sorry. But I never noticed how small you are.”  
Castiel scoffed. “Oh, wow. Thanks.”  
”I’m sorry,” Dean laughed.  
Castiel laughed and then pulled Dean with him to the bed. Cas climbed on it, laying his hands on Dean’s shoulders. “Who’s small now?”  
”That’s cheating!” Dean laughed and climbed on the bed too.  
”Be careful,” Castiel warned when they almost lost balance. “I don’t know how stable this bed is.”  
Dean laughed but his laugh went over in a moan, when Castiel kissed him again. Somehow they managed to lay down without interrupting the kiss. Castiel’s lips wandered over Dean’s jaw and Dean tried embarrassed to hold back his moans.  
”Wait… Cas.” He somehow managed to pull away even though he actually didn’t want to. “Don’t make me a hickey.”  
”Why not?” Castiel grinned and continued sucking on Dean’s neck.  
”No…” Dean let out a quiet gasp. “Not today. Please.”  
”Why not?” Castiel repeated, mumbling against Dean’s skin.  
”I, uh, I actually don’t care, but my dad is home at the moment and if I come home with a hickey he will just ask questions I don’t want to answer.”  
”Oh.” Castiel pulled back and sat up. “So you don’t want him to know who your boyfriend is.”  
”Cas.” Dean tiled his head. “It’s not about _who_. Believe me, it’s not that I don’t want him to know that _you_ are my boyfriend. It’s just that he doesn’t know I’m into boys. And if he finds out, his reaction will be bad. Especially if he finds it out like this. So please just give me some time to find a good opportunity to tell him, okay?”  
”Sure.” Castiel kissed him briefly on the lips. “I understand.”  
”Thank you. – So, no hickey please.”  
”No hickeys,” Castiel agreed. “Not where your dad can see them.”  
Dean wanted to protest, but when Castiel’s lips glided down over his neck and he shove the collar of his shirt away to suck on his collarbone, Dean groaned and gave up.  
”I love how you taste,” Castiel mumbled and then kissed Dean’s lips again.  
”You’re still drunk… aren’t you?” Dean grinned.  
”Maybe,” Cas chuckled. “But it’s the truth.”  
Dean laughed and messed Castiel’s hair even more up. “I think you should sleep.”  
”I won’t be able to sleep anyway,” Cas mumbled. “Last night was the first night in like two weeks that I could sleep more than two or maybe three hours.”  
”Then it’s even more important for you to sleep.”  
”I know.” Cas bent over and picked something up from the floor. He laid down next to Dean again and then Dean saw that it was Castiel’s phone. Cas reached Dean one of the earbuds and started playing music.  
For a while they just laid there in silence, listening to the music.  
”Dean?” Castiel said on.  
”Hm?”  
”I… I just wanted to thank you. For… not hating me. And not being disgusted by me.”  
”Of course not.”  
Cas moved closer to Dean and snuggled his head against his chest. Dean placed his glasses on the nightstand and then stroke gently the back of Castiel’s head and his back, trying to soothe him a little.

Not even that much later, Castiel fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me kudos/comments so I know if you liked it ♥


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys  
> so so so so sorry for not updating last weekend, but I couldn't get on a computer...  
> Therefore you'll get at least two chapters this weekend.  
> The first one - this one - is really short and kinda pointless  
> anyway, maybe some of you like it though.  
> I will update this afternood or tonight with the next  
> So, I hope you like it.  
> Enjoy.

Castiel woke up the next morning with Dean cuddled against his chest. He had slept surprisingly good last night. – Well, the last two nights actually.  
Still too little, but more than usual. He had only woken up four times. He knew that there actually was another reason for this – said reason just snuggled his head in the crook of Castiel’s neck – but Castiel just convinced himself that it was the alcohol.  
Speaking of alcohol… he had a massive headache.  
Again.  
Castiel sighed and buried his face in the pillows. Dean groaned quietly, shifting his position and mumbled Castiel’s name. For a moment Castiel thought Dean was awake, but when he realized that he was _not_ , a wide smile appeared on his face. – A smile which turned into a grin when Dean quietly moaned.  
Dean was dreaming about him. A _good_ dream, how it seemed.  
Castiel knew he shouldn’t do this, but he caught himself letting his hand glide under Dean’s shirt and stroking his hip. Dean gasped and moved his hips against Castiel’s hand.  
Castiel knew the he should stop because Dean would be embarrassed if he found this out, but Cas couldn’t bring himself to stop. He liked all the small sounds Dean made; he didn’t want to stop hearing them. Especially because he knew, he couldn’t do this when Dean was awake.  
Castiel always acted as if sex and all this stuff was no big deal for him, when actually it was. He had never had sex voluntarily and all his attempts had ended with a panic attack and a new ex.  
Castiel’s hand still laid on Dean’s stomach, but he didn’t move it anymore. Dean moaned his name again, but then suddenly opened his eyes. For a moment he looked confused, but when he looked at Cas, he blushed lightly.  
”Morning,” he mumbled hoarsely.  
”Morning,” Castiel said and grinned. “Interesting dream?”  
Dean blushed even more. “I talked, didn’t I?” he asked embarrassed.  
”A little bit.”  
”Oh god no,” he groaned and buried his face in Castiel’s chest.  
”You don’t have to be embarrassed. I found it quite flattering.”  
”Don’t talk about it,” Dean said against Castiel’s chest.  
”If it helps, I dream about you too, sometimes.”  
Dean didn’t answer, but Castiel felt his lips widening in a grin. Castiel pulled Dean’s face to his own and kissed him.  
”So, you want to tell me ‘bout that dream?” Castiel grinned.  
Dean hit him with a pillow in the face. “Oh shut up!”  
Castiel laughed and hit Dean back before he placed the pillow under his head. Dean laughed too and then turned on his stomach and propped on his elbows. “Are you feeling better today?” he asked then.  
Castiel nodded. “I’m sorry about last night, by the way. I was just drunk and afraid and I’m sorry I told you all this stuff.”  
”Don’t feel sorry about it,” Dean said and stroke through Cas’ hair. “I’m glad you told me.” Dean kissed Castiel briefly. “I can understand you better now. And I’m sure someday you’ll be able to trust again.”  
Castiel sighed and lowered his gaze. “I’m sorry I said this, Dean. I… I know I should trust you.”  
”Cas.” Dean pecked his lips. “Don’t feel bad. It’s okay. And, look, if you wouldn’t trust me the tiniest bit, you wouldn’t have showed up drunk at my house and you wouldn’t have told me all this. That needs a lot of trust, Cas. So be proud of how much you learned to trust again.”  
Castiel thought about Dean’s words for a moment and then smiled. “Thank you, Dean.”  
”No need to thank me.” Dean smiled at Castiel.  
”I think there are a lot of reasons.” Castiel pulled Dean closer in a tight embrace. For a while they just laid there in silence.  
”So, are you sure you don’t want to tell me about that dream?”  
Dean hit him on the shoulder and sat up. “You’re such an idiot! You always destroy everything,” he said, but Castiel could see on his laugh, that Dean wasn’t serious.  
”I’m just curious. That’s no crime.”  
Dean grinned. “Whatever. I won’t tell you. – But maybe I’ll show you someday.” Despite his smirk, Dean blushed when he said this.  
Castiel grinned; he liked the idea, even though it made him insecure. Of course, Dean would want to have sex someday. And Castiel really wanted it too. He felt safe with Dean. Maybe it would work out with him. Hopefully. Because Castiel really didn’t want to lose Dean.  
”I’m sorry,” Dean said. “If this was awkward what I said.”  
”It wasn’t,” Castiel said hastily. “I was just thinking.”  
”About?” Dean asked and wiggled his eyebrows.  
Castiel tilted his head and grinned; shaking his head lightly. “Not about what you think now,” he said, when actually he had.  
Well, somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me kudos / comments so I know if you liked it ♥


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...  
> there is the second chapter for today  
> maybe I'll be able to post a third  
> no promises though  
> I hope you like it  
> Enjoy ♥

Short after twelve, Dean went on his way home, after Castiel had reassured him that he was okay and promised him that he would keep his phone on.  
Right when he entered the house, he heard a door banging shut and little after that, his father came downstairs, looking really angry.  
”Did you and Sam fight again?” Dean asked and sighed.  
”He was angry because I don’t want to meet his girlfriend.”  
Dean frowned. “Well, why don’t you want to?”  
His father shrugged. “It will be over soon anyway. He’s fourteen, you know how it is. Or do you really think this will hold?”  
Dean sighed and buried his face in his hands. “Please tell me you didn’t say this to him like this.”  
”Why shouldn’t I? It’s the truth.”  
”Jesus Christ, dad!” Dean shook his head in disbelief. “Jess is really important for Sammy, okay? If you were here then and now, maybe you’d know it!”  
His father looked angry at him. “I’m working my ass off for us to have a nice home and this is what I get?” he shouted. “You should better be grateful!”  
”Grateful?!” Dean scoffed. “Yeah, maybe we do have a nice house and maybe we do have more money than we had back then in Kansas, but do you wanna know what we don’t have? A dad. A real father who’s really there for us and doesn’t just drop by every now and then. You know what I think? Probably you have another family somewhere. It wouldn’t surprise me, it would just be an explanation. Hopefully you’re a better father for them than for us!”  
After Dean spoke, his father just stared at him for a long second before his hand jerked forward and hit Dean right in the face. Dean suppressed the reflex to hit back and instead shove his glasses back in position and stared angry at his father.  
”Don’t you ever say something like this again!” his father shouted. “Be grateful that you have a father!”  
Now Dean laughed. Almost hysterically. “Grateful that I have a father?! I think you have no idea how right I am with what I’ve said. You remember the year Sammy was eleven? You only came home once. Do you remember how Sammy didn’t want to see you? He was _afraid_ of you. He didn’t _know_ you anymore. Do you remember how he called you “sir” the whole evening after I could convince him to come downstairs? Do you wanna know why he didn’t want to accept that _you_ are his father? Because for him, _I_ was his father. You have no idea how often he called me dad back then. Because you were never there to care for him, so _I_ had to do it.”  
Dean walked past his father without giving him time to answer and went upstairs. Sam stood on top of the stairs, his eyes slightly red; probably he had cried.  
”I heard what you two were fighting about,” he said quietly.  
”You shouldn’t have listened,” Dean said and gently ruffled Sam’s shaggy hair.  
”But you were right,” Sam said. “With what you’ve said. You were always here for me. He wasn’t.”  
Dean just pulled his brother in a brief hug. “Let dad some time to calm down,” he said then. “If you want, I can drive you over to Jess.”  
Sam shook his head. “No, it’s alright. She’s not home.”  
”Okay.” Dean walked towards his room, but before he entered it, Sam held him back.  
”Dean? Do you think dad will say us goodbye before he leaves?”  
”I don’t know,” Dean said honestly. “But I doubt it.”  
”Maybe he’ll think about what you said to him. Maybe it’ll change something.”  
”Yeah. Maybe.” Dean couldn’t really believe this, but if he acted like he did, Sam would feel better. And really, Sam smiled at him, before he turned around and went to his room.  
Dean entered his own room and closed the door behind him before he quietly sighed. It had been long since the last time he and his father had had a fight like this. – And even longer since the last time his father had hit him.  
He pulled his phone out of his pocket, to see if there was a message from Castiel. When he saw that there was one, he smiled and then opened it.

_Can I pick you up for school tomorrow?_

Even though this meant that they wouldn’t see each other today anymore, Dean was happy about it.

_Sure. Sounds nice._

But the SMS had also reminded Dean that he still had a lot of school stuff to do. In the first moment he wanted to call Jo – just out of habit – but then he remembered how she had been acting lately and put the phone away again and started alone instead.  
He got only halfway through his Spanish essay when he started getting hungry, but it wasn’t due until Friday anyway so he laid his schoolbooks aside and went downstairs to cook something. His father wasn’t in the kitchen anymore and a short look out of the window was enough to see that his car was gone.  
What a surprise.

Dean sighed and then pulled out the things he needed for cooking. Not long after that, Sam came downstairs too.  
”Dad’s gone?” he asked.  
Dean just nodded.  
”’Course he is,” Sam scoffed and walked closer to Dean, to look what he was cooking. “Can I help you with something?” he asked then.  
”If you want to.”  
Sam nodded and so they finished cooking together. Later, after they had eaten, they still sat at the table together.  
”So… have you been at your boyfriend’s last night?” Sam asked Dean.  
Dean nodded. “Yeah, he didn’t reply to my messages and I was worried about him, so I drove there to check if he was alright.”  
”And… is he?”  
Dean shrugged. “More or less. – Still problems with his father, y’know?”  
”Oh. Okay. – By the way… I don’t even know his name.”  
”Castiel,” Dean said and smiled involuntarily.  
”You like him,” Sam grinned.  
”’Course I do,” Dean said and turned his head when he felt how he blushed.  
”Aww, my big brother is in love.”  
”Oh yeah? What ‘bout you, Samantha?” Dean mocked him and grinned satisfied when he saw how Sam squirmed by the sound of the nickname. “Who was talking 24/7 ‘bout Jessica’s oh-so-wonderful hair and her – what did you say? – “ocean blue eyes”? And – oh – how nice and smart she is!”  
Sam’s face was dark red and he hit Dean with the spoon. “You’re an idiot.”  
Dean laughed and then took the spoon out of Sam’s hand and put it in one of the plates to bring it to the kitchen together with all the other stuff.  
Sam brought the rest of the things and they cleaned up together. “You wanna watch a movie or something?” Dean asked Sam when they finished.  
”Sure.”  
They went to the living room and spent the evening with watching some movies. – Dean casually checking on Cas every now and then.  
When Dean went to bed, he noticed that he was still wearing Castiel’s shirt. He smiled when he laid it aside and instead pulled on his pyjama.

The next morning, after a brief moment of hesitation, he put the shirt on again.  
He went downstairs to prepare breakfast for him and Sam and ran his hand through his – still wet from the shower he had taken this morning – hair. Right when he wanted to call, Sam came downstairs.  
”I already wanted to ask this yesterday… but who are _Social Distortion_?” Sam asked when he sat down and poured cornflakes in a bowl.  
”Oh, they’re Cas’ favourite band. They’re quite good.”  
Sam raised his eyebrows and grinned. “You’re wearing your boyfriend’s shirt? That’s _so cute_.”  
Dean blushed. “It was raining and my shirt got wet and-”  
”No explanation needed,” Sam said and raised his hands. “I don’t want to hear about buttsex in the rain.”  
Dean scoffed in disbelief and shook his head. “Bitch,” he said.  
”Jerk,” came back immediately.  
When they finished breakfast, Sam had to go, so he wouldn’t miss the school bus and Dean cleaned up briefly before Castiel came.  
With a wide smile on his lips, Dean left the house and walked down the driveway to Cas. Castiel took off his helmet to kiss Dean.  
”You look good,” Dean said when he saw the change. The sides of Castiel’s hair were shorter again and in the longer part were some strands of blue.  
”Thank you.” Castiel gave Dean the second helmet and Dean put it on, before he climbed on the motorcycle behind Castiel and tied his arm around him.  
Castiel drove off and a few minutes later, they parked on the school parking lot.  
”Did your father come home?” Dean asked Castiel when they walked over to one of the benches, which stood near the entrance. Castiel shook his head and then sat down, taking Dean’s hand and rubbing with his thumb over the back of it.  
”Not yet,” he mumbled.  
”You know… if you want to, you can come to us anytime, okay?”  
”Thank you.” Cas leaned his head against Dean’s and kissed his temple. “We gonna eat lunch together?” Castiel asked then.  
”I’d love to,” Dean said and smiled then.  
”Great.”  
Castiel leaned back and opened his leatherjacket because it already began to get warm. When he leaned forward on his thighs, Dean frowned when he saw the familiar grey fabric.  
”Are you wearing my shirt?  
Castiel raised an eyebrow and tilted his head. “Well, you’re wearing mine too.”  
Dean blushed and grabbed the hem of the shirt nervously. “Guess so.”  
Castiel scoffed and pushed Dean with his shoulder. “Would you finally stop being nervous around me? Sometimes I think it’s over, but then you start again.”  
”Sorry,” Dean mumbled. “It’s just…”  
”It’s just what?” Castiel asked when Dean didn’t continue talking.  
”It’s just… you’re so… _you_ and I’m, well, I’m me.”  
Castiel scoffed. “What the hell do you want to say with this?!”  
”I, uh…”  
”Dean.” Castiel turned towards Dean. Dean nervously looked at the students around them, but when he met Castiel’s dark blue eyes, he forgot about them.  
”You’re smart,” Castiel said then. “So would you please stop talking bullshit? What do you mean with this? Are you seriously thinking that I’m any better than you?”  
”Well… yes…?” Dean said hesitant. To know this, you only had to look at Cas and then at Dean. Dean really didn’t know why Castiel was acting like this.  
Castiel laughed. “For a nerd, you’re surprisingly stupid, babe,” he said and then kissed Dean briefly. Dean blushed lightly but then Castiel pulled him up on his feet.  
”Time for class,” he said when he saw the confused look on Dean’s face.  
”Oh.” Dean hadn’t realized that the time had gone by so fast.  
”See you at twelve,” Castiel said and kissed Dean briefly before he walked down the hallways. Dean had to go in the other direction, so he turned around and walked to his classroom. He was pretty much trapped in his thoughts, which really wasn’t good, because the exams came closer fast, but there was just so much going on right now.  
On the one hand, he and Castiel were so happy together, but on the other hand, there was this thing with Castiel’s dad going on. What if he would really start this thing with the… prostitution? Dean didn’t really know how to call it. – Anyway, what if he would start this again? Dean couldn’t let this happen to Castiel again, but he didn’t want to call the police when he knew exactly that Castiel didn’t want it.  
And then, now there was of course this thing with his own father. He hadn’t heard from him since yesterday, which actually wasn’t unusual, but after the fight they'd had, Dean was worried.  
But right now, Dean couldn’t change anything in any of those cases, so he forced himself to focus on class again.

In the lunch break, Castiel waited for Dean outside the building. He smiled at Dean and laid his arm around his waist when they walked together to his motorcycle.  
”How was class?” Dean asked.  
”Boring,” Cas grinned. “How ‘bout you?”  
”Yeah. Couldn’t really focus.”  
Castiel wanted to say something, but right in this moment, someone behind them shouted: “Hey, faggots, where you going?”  
Castiel didn’t turn around, but Dean felt the arm around his waist tensing. Dean looked at him worried, especially when the guys kept calling them names.  
Suddenly a stone hit Dean on the back of his head. It wasn’t really big, but it hurt though. He winced and ducked his head, rubbing the spot the stone had hit.  
When Castiel realized what had happened, he suddenly stopped walking. “Did he just throw a fucking _rock_ at you?” Cas hissed.  
”Cas, it’s… it’s alright. I-“  
Before Dean could finish the sentence, Castiel turned around. “Who the fuck just threw this fucking rock?” he shouted. Everyone around them stopped and stared at Castiel.  
There were many rumours about Castiel, because almost no one really knew him. He had never acted especially conspicuous. Well, he had done some stupid things in the school, but he had never freaked out like this. Never.  
Castiel’s eyes scanned the people around them until one guy grinned and stepped out of a group of his friends.  
”Guess that was me. What’ya gonna to ‘bout it… faggot?”  
”Big mistake,” Castiel growled and then attacked the guy. Dean tried to hold him back, but Castiel freed his arm instantly. Dean couldn’t do anything while Castiel and the other guy fought. Well, actually it was more Castiel thwacking him and the other guy trying to stay alive.  
”Goddammit, Cas! You’re killing him!” Dean shouted when Castiel didn’t listen to all his efforts to make him stop, and just landed another hit on the blond guy’s nose.  
”Stop! Just. _Fucking._ Stop!”  
Castiel stopped for a moment and looked at Dean, holding the other boy’s nape firm in his hand.  
”It’s enough, okay?! Just stop it!”  
Castiel forced the other boy to turn around and pressed his back against the wall. “Look, asshole,” he hissed. “I honestly don’t give a fuck whatever names you call me. If you want to, use your whole fucking repertoire on me. I honestly couldn’t care less about your opinion about me. But if I _ever_ catch you throwing a rock again – _ever_ – then I’m gonna fucking rip you apart. You understand me?”  
The guy nodded shakily, visibly afraid from Castiel.  
Castiel hit him once against the chest. “I asked,” he growled slowly. “If you fucking understand me!”  
”Y-yes,” the blond guy stuttered.  
”Good.” Castiel turned around and shrugged his leatherjacket back up on his shoulder and wiped the blood off his nose. “Same counts for you, douchebags,” he said to the guys which just stood around and watched. No one said anything when Castiel walked past them towards Dean.  
After all, Cas _had_ done a lot of bullshit, but everything had been relatively… “quiet”. So it was actually good understandable that everyone was so shocked.  
”You almost killed him!” Dean said a little furious when they walked to Castiel’s motorcycle.  
Castiel scoffed. “I didn’t _almost kill him_. His nose is broken, not more.”  
”As if. Why did you freak out like this?”  
”He threw a fucking rock at your _head_!”  
”It didn’t even hurt!”  
Castiel turned towards him, rage flaming in his dark blue eyes. “That’s not the point!”  
”Then what is?!”  
”The point is,” Castiel hissed. “That my father almost killed me once with throwing a rock at my head.”  
Dean’s whole body froze and he stopped walking. Castiel didn’t wait for him, until he stood next to his motorcycle.  
”I’m sorry, Cas,” Dean said quietly when he was next to Castiel again. “I didn’t know that.”  
”It’s alright,” Cas mumbled quietly.  
”No it’s not. I’m really sorry.”  
”You don’t have to be. You’re not the one who threw the rock.”  
”Well, yeah. But I should’ve known that there is something more. You wouldn’t freak out like this without a good reason.”  
”You’re not a mind reader, Dean. Now stop apologizing. We really need to go now.”  
They had to hurry a little bit with eating, but they made it back to school in time.  
”See you at four,” Cas said and pressed a kiss on Dean’s forehead, before he walked to his classroom.

The afternoon felt like an eternity. Dean couldn’t stop thinking about what Cas had told him today. He really needed to get away from his dad. As fast as possible.  
The last lesson, he had together with Jo. The blonde sat down next to him with an I-told-you-look on her face.  
”So I heard Castiel beat up Thomas today,” she said to Dean.  
Dean rolled his eyes and ignored Jo. He knew Castiel had his reasons but there was no reason to explain this to Jo. She wouldn’t believe him anyway. So Dean just pulled out his schoolbooks and looked down at them. Jo scoffed and Dean felt her looking at him.  
”Nothing to say to this?” she asked. “If you’re the next he beats up, don’t come to me afterwards. I warned you from him.”  
Dean forced himself to swallow down his anger and keep quiet. If he’d start a fight with her now, it wouldn’t help the tiniest bit.

When the lesson was finally over, Dean walked out of the classroom, without even looking at Jo one more time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me kudos / comments, so I know if you liked it ♥


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Third part this weekend!  
> Yay!  
> I'm proud of myself haha  
> So I hope you like it and you'll get more of it next Saturday!  
> Enjoy!

Exactly eight days passed before Castiel’s dad came home again. Castiel had just been working on his motorcycle when he heard a car driving closer.  
He would know the engine of this car under thousands. His whole body tensed and he slowly wiped his hands off on his pants, before he turned around. What if his father brought Bill or one of the others?  
His father parked the car and stepped out of it. Castiel held his breath, fearfully awaiting if there was someone else.  
When no one else came, Castiel exhaled relieved, but the tension stayed. He didn't know what this father would do.  
His father walked towards Castiel and then stopped right in front of him. “I hope for you, the house is clean,” he just said and then turned right and entered the house.  
Castiel sighed relieved and then hastily cleaned up the mess from his motorcycle before he followed his dad into the house. he found his father in the living room, drinking a beer and watching TV. – The problem with the electricity had only been temporarily.  
“Where have you been?” Castiel asked.  
“Visiting friends.” His father looked at him. “I see you made it out of the ties.”  
Castiel’s eyes widened and he instinctively hid his bruised wrists. He had honestly forgotten that his father had tied him up before he had left.  
For a while Castiel stood just there – he was afraid of making a mistake and getting beaten up again. His face just began to look normal again, he really didn’t already want new bruises.  
“What do you want?” his father asked sharply, his usual tone of voice when he spoke with Castiel.  
“I- uh, nothing,” Castiel stuttered.  
“Then quit standing around as if you did. Bring me another beer.”  
“Uh- okay.” Castiel sighed and went to the kitchen and brought his father another beer. He knew it would only get worse if he would tell his father to not drink so much. They had had this discussion so many times and every time Cas had ended up with new injuries.  
So Castiel wordlessly gave his father the beer and then went upstairs to his room. He took his phone and saw a new message from Dean.

_You alright?_

Castiel had lost count of how many times he had gotten this message from Dean in the last week. Of course it was nice to know that Dean cared about him, but Castiel didn’t want Dean to worry. He knew Dean wouldn’t want him to lie, so he wrote back:

_My dad just came back._

A few minutes later, Dean’s answer came.

_Did he hurt you? Come over if you want._

Castiel smiled when he read the message. Dea had invited him over so often. He had even offered Castiel to move in. Cas had said no, but it was nice to know that he had somewhere to go to, if he needed to.

_No, he didn’t. I’m alright. But thank you._

Castiel laid his phone aside and opened his window to let some fresh air in. He could hear his father downstairs, making noise in the kitchen. Probably he was searching for the harder stuff. Castiel would be so dead if his father would notice how much Cas had drunk in the last week.  
Just as Castiel thought this, he heard his father downstairs yelling after him. He winced but then hastily went downstairs, so he wouldn’t make his father even angrier.  
“Did you drink my fucking booze again?!” his father asked angrily and before Castiel had the chance to answer, his father hit him right in the face. Castiel bit his lip to keep quiet and looked down on the floor.  
“How many times did I tell you, not to drink my alcohol?!” his father shouted angrily. Castiel winced when his father hit him again and involuntarily stepped back.  
“If you continue drinking all my stuff,” his father said suddenly dangerously calm, “we’ll need more money to pay all of it. Maybe I should call Bill. I’m sure he’ll be happy if he gets some more time with you.”  
Castiel felt the blood rushing out of his face and he hastily stepped back and stumbled over his own feet. He fell down and hit his head on the wall.  
“I’m not gonna let you do this to me again!” he shouted at his father, not able to hide the pain in his voice.  
His father laughed. “And what are you gonna do about it? There is _nothing_ you can do!” He grabbed Castiel’s arm and pulled him roughly on his feet. “And you know what will happen if you call the police,” he said threateningly.  
Castiel gulped and nodded, trying to free his arm out of his father’s grip.  
“You’re gonna pay me all of it!” his father said and let go of Castiel. “And now go! I don’t want to see you for the rest of the night,” he said and pushed Castiel towards the front door.  
“But I-”  
Before he could finish his sentence, his father hit him against the back and he stumbled out of the house.  
“I need to get my stuff!”  
But his father just ignored him and closed the door.  
“Fuck.”  
Castiel ran his hand through his hair and then walked around the house, where his room was. He had climbed up there often enough, so that wasn’t the problem.  
He wouldn’t stay here though, because if his father would see that he was still here, he would kill him.  
Castiel hastily grabbed his backpack and threw some important things, like his phone and some clothes, in it, plus the school stuff he’d need tomorrow.  
When he turned around to grab his leatherjacket, he almost got a heart attack.

His father stood in the doorway, watching him quietly. It wasn’t like he would handle this situation usually, what made Castiel even more afraid.  
“I told you to leave,” his father said calmly and stepped closer. Castiel moved back – rucksack andleatherjacket still in his hands – until he felt the windowsill against his back.  
“I- I needed to… to get my things,” he stuttered. Actually he thought his father would freak out, but instead he just nodded and then stepped a little closer.  
“I guess you have all your things then.”  
“Uhh… y-yeah.” Castiel chewed nervously on the inner part of his lip piercing. “I, uhh, guess so.”  
“Then go now,” his father said – still unnaturally calm.  
Castiel nodded and wanted to walk past his father to the door, but his father shove him back.  
“You go out, where you came in.”  
Castiel frowned, but he didn’t dare to contradict, so he turned around and walked to the window again. His father just stood there calmly while Castiel let first his leatherjacket, then his backpack fall down to the ground, before he climbed out of the window. He was just hanging there on his hands, searching for hold with his feet when suddenly his father shut the window down on his fingers with all his strength.  
Castiel screamed and his grip slipped off – he fell down on the ground. The air got pressed out of his lungs and he had landed right on his backpack; the schoolbooks pressing painfully against his spine. His whole body hurt, but he just laid there, trying to catch his breath again, not able to move. Cas saw the blurred silhouette of his father behind the window, before his head rolled aside and everything got black.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me kudos / comments, so I know if you like it ♥


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys  
> once again I have to apologize for not updating...  
> I'm really sorry, but I had no time last weekend...  
> But I hope I'll be able to type another chapter in my computer and post it tomorrow  
> Anyway, I hope you like this one...  
> Enjoy

Dean walked downstairs when he heard Sammy calling him.  
“Dean! Hurry, dammit!”  
“I’m coming!” Dean ran towards the front door, where Sam seemed to be. “Jeez, Sammy, what’s up that you-” Dean stopped midsentence when he saw Castiel leaning against the wall. He was alarmingly pale and he seemed to have a panic attack.  
“I- I think he isn’t breathing,” Sam said anxious.  
Dean ran up to Cas and laid his hands on his face. “Cas,” he said softly, trying to keep his voice as calm as possible. “Cas, look at me.”  
Castiel raised his gaze, his blue eyes were filled with tears.  
“You have to breathe, okay? Just try to calm down. You’re here. You’re safe now, okay? Just breathe.”  
Castiel’s whole body was trembling, so Dean tied his arms around him and hugged him tightly. He noticed that Cas winced when he touched his lower back, so he laid his hand on Castiel’s shoulder blades, stroking him soothingly.  
After a while – Dean didn’t really know how long it had been – Castiel slowly calmed down again.  
“You alright?” Dean asked him.  
Castiel nodded. “I- I’m sorry,” he said hoarsely. “I shouldn’t have come here, but-”  
“Don’t apologize, Cas,” Dean interrupted him. “I’m glad you came. I want to be here for you.”  
Castiel pressed his lips together and nodded shortly.  
“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Dean asked him. Castiel hesitated for a moment, but then nodded.  
“Okay. Let’s go upstairs.”  
Only when Dean turned around, he realized that Sammy had left to give them some privacy. Castiel and Dean went upstairs and Dean noticed that Castiel seemed to be in pain when he walked.  
When they entered Dean’s room, Castiel let his backpack fall down on the ground and took off his leather jacket, but Dean saw that the movement was much more strained than usually.  
For a while, they both sat there in silence; Dean waited for Castiel to be ready to tell him.  
“I, uh, wrote you,” Castiel said then slowly. “My… my dad came home today.” Castiel messed up his hair when he ran his hand though it and he looked down on the floor. “He, uh… he saw how much of his alcohol I drank and he… he got angry. He told me he didn’t want to see me again today and forced me to leave.” Castiel took a deep breath and exhaled shakily. “I – I needed to get my things… I didn't even have my phone, so I climbed up to my room to get the things I needed. Right when I wanted to leave again… I saw my dad standing there. He was… he was so calm, which is unusual for him and, uh… basically he told me to leave where I got in, so I climbed out of the window again. But right when I… when I was only getting hold from my hands, he shut the window down on my fingers and I… fell down.”  
Dean sweared. “Fuck, Cas… are you… how bad are you hurt?”  
“It’s alright,” Cas said. “It’s just… my back. And my fingers, I guess. And… I may have twisted my ankle. – But I’m alright,” he added hastily. “Really, I… I’ve had worse.”  
“Jesus Christ, Cas.” Dean shook his head. “Sit down, okay? I’ll get you some ice for your ankle and your fingers, okay?”  
“Dean, you don’t  have to-”  
“Just let me do this for you, okay?”  
Castiel sighed. “Okay.” He walked over to Dean’s bed and sat down on it.  
Dean went downstairs to get some icepacks for Castiel. When he came back to his room, Castiel still sat on the bed and stared down on his hands.  
Dean went over to him. “Show me your fingers, please,” he said quietly. Cas nodded and then held his hands towards Dean. Dean inhaled sharply when he saw them. They were all bruised and swollen.  
“Do, uh, do you think they are broken?” he asked, desperately trying to stay calm.  
Castiel shook his head. “It would hurt more. I know how a broken finger feels.”  
“Alright. Which foot is hurt?”  
Castiel pointed to his left foot and Dean laid the remaining icepacks aside and kneeled down to open Castiel’s boots.  
“I can do this by myself, y’know?” Castiel said.  
“You just hold the ice against your fingers,” Dean insisted.  
Castiel hissed quietly when Dean pulled off the boot. His ankle was swollen really bad and it already looked bluish.  
“Dammit, Cas, it looks really bad. Should I bring you to a doctor?”  
Castiel shook his head. “No. It… will be alright, I’m sure.”  
Dean pressed his lips together but then nodded and stood up to get the chair from his desk. He placed a pillow on it and then Castiel laid his foot on it. Dean draped the icepacks across Cas’ ankle and then sat down next to him.  
“Is there… anything else I can do for you?”  
Castiel shook his head. “No, thank you.”  
“Are you sure?”  
“Dean.” Castiel looked over to him. “You did so much for me. I’m fine, really.”  
Dean opened his mouth to say something, but right in this moment it knocked on the door and Sammy came inside.  
“Dean… uh, dad is… here.”  
Dean sweared quietly. “Okay, uh, I’ll come in a second.”  
Sam nodded and then left again.  
“Cas, I’m sorry but I have to go downstairs for a moment.”  
“That’s alright. If you want to spend some time with your family, I can leave, y’know.”  
“No! You… I’ll be back in a couple of minutes, I promise.”  
“Okay, sure.”  
“I’m sorry, Cas,” Dean said again.  
“Don’t be. It’s alright.”  
Dean kissed him briefly and then stood up and went downstairs. His father and Sammy where in the kitchen.  
“Uh, hi dad,” Dean said, hoping it hadn’t sounded as awkward as it felt.  
“Dean,” his father said. “Good to see you guys again,” he said then to Sam and Dean.  
Dean frowned. It had been a long time since his father had said something like this.  
“Don’t you want to sit down with us?” his father asked when Dean just stood there.  
“Uhh… okay.” Dean took one of the chairs and sat down. He looked confused to Sam, but his brother didn’t seem to know more than him.  
“Is there… something you want to tell us?” Dean asked when his father didn’t say anything.  
“Actually, yes,” his father said hesitant.  
“Then tell us.” Dean was still confused by the way his father acted.  
“I… met someone,” his father eventually said. “And she’ll move in with us.”  
“What?!” Sam and Dean asked unison.  
“I know what you think, but she’s really nice and I’m sure you’ll like her and-”  
“How long do you know her?” Dean interrupted him.  
“A few months. We met when-”  
Dean scoffed and shook his head in disbelief. Without listening to his father any longer he stood up.  
“Where are you going?”  
“Upstairs. I’m not gonna listen to this one more second. In those “few months” you couldn’t tell us about her?! And now you just tell us that she’ll move in? How about you would introduce her to us first? But no, to do that you’d have to actually care about us. You know what? Do it. Tell her she can move in, to be honest, I don’t give a fuck. Do whatever you want, just let me out of it. I’m done with your bullshit. If you don’t want me to be a part of your life, then you don’t need to be a part of mine. And now excuse me, but I have someone over.” Dean turned around and went upstairs to his room. Castiel now laid on the bed, his foot on a pillow, ice still around his ankle and he was listening to music. When Dean shut the door loudly, Castiel looked questioningly at him, but Dean just shook his head and laid down next to Castiel.  
“You alright?” Castiel asked and laid an arm around Dean.  
“Yeah. Just a fight with my dad.”  
“You want to talk about it?”  
Dean shrugged and leaned his head against Castiel’s shoulder. “He’s got a girlfriend. Since a few months. And he never told us about her, until he informed us today that she’ll move in here.”  
“Oh. Well I understand that you’re angry on him.”  
“I’m sorry,” Dean said. “I know that’s nothing compared with the problems you have.”  
“It’s not nothing,” Castiel contradicted. “I can understand that you’re angry because of it and-”  
Castiel got interrupted when someone knocked at the door. Dean looked apologizing at him, before he moved a little bit away from him when the door opened. It was Dean’s father.  
“Can I… talk to you for a second?” he asked and then entered the room. For a moment he looked a little bit confused at Dean and Castiel, probably because they were still sitting pretty close together, even though Castiel’s arm wasn’t around Dean anymore and Dean had moved away a little.  
“That’s Castiel,” Dean said. “Cas, that’s my father.”  
His dad looked for a moment at Castiel. “I’m John,” he introduced himself then and nodded towards Castiel’s leg. “Your foot okay?”  
Castiel shrugged. “It’s not that bad.”  
“Okay.” Dean’s father looked at Dean again. “I just wanted to apologize. I should’ve told you about Miranda. And… if you want, I’ll tell her to wait with moving in.”  
Dean shrugged. “I don’t care. If she wants to, she can move in. It’s not like it’s my house.”  
“I’m serious, Dean. I don’t want to start fighting again. If you want, you can meet her first.”  
“I don’t want to, dad. She’s not gonna replace mom.”  
“I never said she will. I mean, of course not. How could… how could someone ever replace Mary? But… I really like her, Dean. Just be happy for me, okay? I would be happy for you too, if you had someone.”  
“Oh, really?!” Dean stood up. “Then maybe it’s a good time to tell you now.”  
“Dean,” Castiel said warningly. “Just let it be.”  
“No, Cas. I won’t keep it secret anymore.” Dean looked over to his father again. “I’m gay, dad. And Cas is my boyfriend. And to be honest, I don’t care about your opinion. I was afraid of telling you way too long. But not anymore.”  
Dean saw how his father’s jaw clenched when he looked between Dean and Castiel back and forth.  
Actually Dean hadn’t been honest. He still was afraid of his father’s reaction. But after a torturing long minute, his father just nodded. “I guess… I should apologize for some things I said in the last few years then.”  
Dean shrugged. “You probably should, but I don’t want to hear it. I don’t care.”  
His father still didn’t really know what to say. “I, uh, okay. So, I guess, I’ll go then and… uh, leave you two, uh, guys… uhm alone again.”  
“Okay,” Dean just said then his father left the room and closed the door behind him. Dean exhaled relieved and then turned around to Cas.  
“That went… surprisingly good, don’t you think?”  
Castiel scoffed. “I think your father almost got a heart attack.”  
Dean laughed. “At least he knows it now.” He sat down next to Castiel again. “I hope it was okay for you that I told him,” he said.  
“Of course,” Castiel smiled at Dean and laid a hand on his forearm. “Guess now it’s on me to tell my dad,” he sighed then and frowned.  
“You don’t have to,” Dean said hastily. “Really. I don’t want you to get into even more trouble with your dad because of it.”  
“But you told your father too.”  
“Seriously, Cas. I wouldn’t have told him if this whole thing with his girlfriend hadn’t happened. So don’t worry. It’s alright if you don’t tell your dad. I can understand.”  
“Thank you, Dean.” Castiel moved closer to Dean and leaned against him. Dean laid his arms around Castiel and took one of Castiel’s earbuds and so they just laid there, wrapped up in each other’s arms and listened to music together.

_Let it be me-if you're lonely_   
_Let it be me-your one and only_   
_Let it be me-to satisfy you_   
_Let it be me-if your feelin' blue_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quoted song: Let it be me by Social Distortion
> 
> Please leave me kudos/comments so I know if you liked it ♥


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhm idk, It's only a short chapter, but I hope you like it tho.  
> Enjoy.

The next few weeks were rather busy. Miranda moved in and soon it got clear that neither Sam nor Dean liked her. She wasn’t really a bad person, but she was… kinda annoying. So in those days, Sam and Dean went out often – mostly together with Castiel and Jess.  
Today, the four had been at the lake together. It had been a really good day for all of them.  
Dean was just driving them home, when Castiel’s phone rang. he looked apologizing at Dean, because it had interrupted their conversation, before he picked up.  
Dean looked over to Cas and saw how his body tensed.  
“You did _what_?!” Castiel suddenly shouted.  
Dean winced startled and Sam and Jess looked worried to Castiel. Cas ended the phone call and held the phone tight in his hand, his whole body trembling with anger.  
“Stop the car Dean,” he growled.  
“Cas, what happen-”  
“ _Stop_ the _goddamn_ car, Dean!” he shouted outraged.  
Dean pressed his lips together, but then nodded and drove off the street and before the car really stood still, Cas had already left it.  
Dean looked apologizing to Sam and Jess. “Sorry. I’m gonna look what’s wrong.”  
“It’s alright,” Jess said. “I hope he’s okay.” She looked worried after Castiel.  
Dean nodded and then left the car to follow Cas. He saw him standing with the back towards him there, his head bent. Castiel screamed frustrated and threw his phone against a tree. When Dean stepped closer, he could hear Castiel swear.  
“Goddammit Chuck, you retarded asshole!” he hissed and buried his hands in his hair. “You stupid fuck!”  
“Cas?” Dean asked worried. “What happened?”  
Castiel turned around to him and laughed dryly, even though it looked more like as if he was about to cry. “Chuck told my father! This fucking retarded asshole told my father I’m gay! Y’know he just could’ve put a fucking bullet in a gun and pull the goddamn trigger! I would’ve gone fucking faster!” Castiel turned around and hit his fist against the tree, screaming again. “My father’s gonna kill me!”  
Dean walked up to him and laid his hands on Castiel’s shoulders.  
“It’s gonna be alright, Cas. We won’t let him hurt you.”  
Castiel laughed sharply. “You don’t know anything about my father, Dean. I know I told you I’d tell him about us, but I lied. I would’ve never told him, because he’d kill me if he finds out. And now he knows. He’ll fucking kill me, Dean!” He rammed his fist against the tree over and over again.  
“Cas, please, stop hitting the tree! You’re hurting yourself.” Dean grabbed Castiel’s arms and forced him to turn around. “Look at me,” he said, but Castiel kept staring to the ground.  
“ _Cas._ Look. At. Me,” Dean repeated. Castiel scoffed, but then looked at Dean. “I’m not gonna let him hurt you,” Dean said slowly. “Nobody’s gonna hurt you. You won’t go back to him again. I don’t care what you say, but if you go there one more time, I’ll call the police. You understand me?”  
Castiel sighed and rolled his eyes. “Dean, that’s nice, but you-”  
“I asked,” Dean repeated slowly, but certainly. “If you understood.”  
Castiel nodded.  
“Good. And now let’s drive home and then we’ll figure out what to do, okay?”  
Castiel hesitated, but eventually he nodded again.  
“Alright.” Dean pulled him closer for a kiss and then they walked back to the car.  
“What happened?” Sam asked worried then they sat in the car again and Dean started the engine.  
“Nothing,” Cas just mumbled.  
Sam nodded understandingly and Jess reached forward to gently press Castiel’s shoulder. “It’s gonna be alright,” she said softly.  
Castiel looked at her for a moment and then silently took Dean’s hand and stared down at their intertwined fingers for the rest of the drive.

***

Later this night, it was about three am, Castiel laid awake next to Dean. They had talked for a long time this evening; Dean had convinced him to stay with him, at least for the next few days.  
Well, maybe it was good that way. Castiel really was afraid of his father, but he couldn’t stay away from there forever. He needed to get his things at least.  
Dean turned around, still sleeping and tied his arms around Castiel. Cas smiled and ran his fingers through Dean’s hair. It felt really nice laying here with Dean, even though Castiel knew that he should sleep. But as always, he couldn’t. He would be so tired tomorrow.

Insomnia was an asshole.

“Cas?” Dean mumbled.  
“Hm?” Castiel asked and only then realized that Dean was still asleep.  
Dean nuzzled his head in the crook of Castiel’s neck. “I love you,” he slurred.  
Castiel’s heart skipped a beat. – It was cliché, but it literally skipped a beat – and for a second Castiel thought that he had imagined it.  
But then again, he was sure that he had heard it. Castiel had never had a relationship which had held long enough for an “I love you.” Well, not for a real one. There had been a few, but none of them without trying to convince him to sex in the same sentence.  
With a smile on his lips, he ran his hand through Dean’s hair and pressed a kiss on Dean’s temple.

“I love you too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me kudos / comments, so I know if you liked it ♥


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for not posting last weekend, but I had no time...  
> But here you have the new chapter, I hope you like it!!

The next morning at seven am, Castiel got woken up from the sound of Dean’s alarm clock. He had gotten hardly more than one hour of sleep and he felt as if he was about to die.  
“Cas,” Dean said softly when Castiel didn’t move. “Time to get up.”  
“No,” Castiel groaned and rolled on his stomach. He felt the mattress shifting and suddenly Dean sat down on his ass.  
“Dean,” Castiel mumbled. “What the fuck are you doing?”  
“Annoying you,” Dean said and pressed his lips on Castiel’s neck.  
“Wouldn’t consider that as annoying,” Cas just said and then turned around. Somehow, Dean managed to still sit on top of him and now he grinned down at Casiel.  
“You’re like a small child,” Castiel mumbled and rubbed yawning over his face. “How can you be so active in the morning?!”  
“Well, _I_ slept last night,” Dean grinned. He didn’t wear his glasses yet, so his green eyes were even more conspicuous.  
Castiel tied wordlessly his arms around Dean’s neck and pulled him down to kiss him.  
“Therefore I heard something you said in your sleep,” Castiel grinned.  
Actually he hadn’t wanted to tell Dean, but somehow he just had to.  
Dean blushed. “What did I say?”  
Castiel smiled at him and kissed him softly. “You said you’d love me.”  
Dean blushed even more and chew insecurely on his lower lip. “Oh.”  
For a while Castiel just looked at Dean, without saying a word, but when he saw that Dean really began to feel uncomfortable, he decided to release him.  
“I said I love you too,” Castiel grinned. Dean’s lips widened in a broad smile and he bent down to kiss Castiel.  
“You did?” he asked, as if he couldn’t believe it.  
“I did,” Castiel said and kissed Dean again.

Later that day, after school, they drove back to Dean’s place.  
Miranda was there too. Dean and Sam didn’t like her, but they were always polite to her, which – in Cas’ eyes – was a great achievement. She was really annoying and sometimes the only reason Castiel didn’t freak out was because John and Miranda had barely allowed him to stay here and he didn’t want to destroy this because of his short temper.  
So he mostly ignored her babbling, trying to leave a good impression instead. After the first shock from John after Dean coming out to him, there kinda had been a little freak out, but from what Cas had heard – he actually hadn’t been supposed to listen – it had been more because Cas looked like a “previously convicted drug addict” than because of the fact that Dean was gay.  
So Castiel tried his best to convince John that he wasn’t. Well, actually he _had_ tried out some drugs, but John didn’t need to know that. – Not that John was often at home anyway. After what Dean had told Cas, John still only dropped by like once a week or less.  
“You alright, Cas?” Dean suddenly asked and tore Castiel out of his thoughts. He looked up from his schoolbooks and raised questioningly an eyebrow.  
“Sure,” Castiel said. “I was just thinking.”  
“About?”  
Castiel hesitated for a moment, but then he thought that he should use the opportunity to talk with Dean about what he had wanted to talk with him since Cas had moved in here.  
So Castiel stood up from the bed and walked over to the desk. He sat down on the edge of it and thought for a moment about how he should say it.  
“Y’know…” he began hesitant. “I _do_ have to go back home some when. Even if it’s just to get my things, I have to go back.”  
Dean shook his head. “You can’t do this, Cas! You said by yourself that he’d kill you! You can’t go back there.”  
“Dean.” Castiel laid his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “I understand that you’re worried, but I have to get my things at least.”  
“And what if your father will hurt you again? Cas, please don’t do this.”  
Castiel sighed. “You know what? Continue studying. We’ll talk about this later,” Cas said and went to the door.  
“Wait, where are you going?”  
Castiel pulled his pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and held it up. “Smoking.” When he saw that Dean didn’t believe him, he scoffed. “Really, Dean?! I’m just gonna smoke a cigarette, Jesus Christ. I’ll be back in five minutes.”  
Dean pressed his lips together and then nodded. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “I’m just worried about you.”  
“I know,” Castiel said then, his voice softer again. “It’s alright.”  
He left Dean’s room and went downstairs and out through the front door before he lit a cigarette. For a while he just stood there in silence, until he heard the front door opening and someone coming closer.  
He turned around and saw Dean’s brother Sam standing there behind him. Castiel nodded towards him and then looked back to the street.  
“Can I have one?” Sam asked and suddenly stood right next to Castiel.  
Cas scoffed and looked at him, raising an eyebrow. “You’re fourteen. ‘M not giving you cigarettes.”  
Sam pouted. “Just one.”  
“You’re not old enough.”  
“You neither.”  
Castiel grinned. Boy had a point. “But I’m not fourteen.”  
“It isn’t like it’s my first cigarette. – Besides that, how old were you when you started smoking?”  
“That’s not the point,” Castiel said. “Your dad’s gonna kill me if he finds out that I give you smokes.”  
“My dad isn’t here.”  
Castiel shook his head lightly and rolled his eyes before he pulled out his pack again and held it to Sam. “Don’t tell your brother.”  
Sam grinned satisfied and took one of the cigarettes and then the lighter Castiel gave him. Castiel watched Sam dragging on the cigarette and couldn’t hide a grin when Sam made a face and obviously tried desperately not to cough.  
“You gonna tell me what’s wrong now?” Castiel asked Sam and then took another cigarette for himself.  
Sam looked at him, frowning. “Why do you think something’s wrong?”  
Castiel shrugged. “You’re not the type of guy who smokes just to be cool. So I assume you have a problem and for whatever reason you think smoking would help you. – It doesn’t by the way. I tried it.”  
Sam looked down on the cigarette in his hand and sighed. “I think Jess is gonna break up with me.”  
Castiel frowned. “Why do you think this?”  
“She won’t talk to me. Well, not really. She’s always in a bad mood.”  
“Did you ask her why?”  
“Of course. She said she doesn’t want to tell me.”  
“And you think she wouldn’t just tell you if she wanted a break up, instead of ignoring you`”  
Sam shrugged. “I dunno. But what should I do if she doesn’t want to talk with me?”  
“I can’t tell you,” Castiel said honestly, “because I don’t know the reason she won’t talk to you. But maybe she’s not feeling well, or has some problems at home or something.”  
Sam frowned. “Do you think she had?”  
“I don’t know. You know her better than me.”  
“But how can I tell?”  
“The best way is just talking to her. If she wants to, she’ll tell you what’s wrong with her.”  
“But I tried to! She wouldn’t talk to me. How can I make her talk to me?”  
Castiel smiled lightly and looked down. “Ask your brother. He knows how.”  
Sam looked at Castiel for a while. “You didn’t want to tell him at first?”  
Castiel turned towards Sam. “Look, Sam, I don’t know if it’s really necessary for me to tell you this, because I don’t know if Jess really has problems at home or something similar like this, but if she has, then you need to know that it isn’t easy to talk about things like this. For some more than for others, but just make sure that she won’t feel vulnerable if she tells you. Make her feel safe.” Castiel stared down on the small rest of his cigarette.  
“That’s how Dean made you talk to him,” Sam said quietly. “You feel safe with him.”  
“I do,” Castiel admitted. “He’s the only person I feel safe with. The only person who never misused my trust.”  
“He would never do this,” Sam said secure. “He really loves you.”  
Castiel smiled lightly. “I really love him too.”  
“That’s good. Because if you’d ever hurt Dean, I would have to beat you up and I don’t think I’d win this fight.” Sam laughed and then Cas had to laugh too.  
It must be great to have a brother who cared like this.  
“If I ever hurt Dean,” Castiel said then in a serious tone of voice. “I’ll let you win.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me kudos / comments so I know if you like it ♥
> 
> And by the way... Thank you so much for over 4k hits and 300 kudos!! It makes me so unbelievable happy, just like all the nice comments I get! I just want you to know that I really appreciate them.  
> Everytime I get home at the weekend and see new comments, it makes me smile like crazy and I just really want to thank you guys for all those nice things you say about my story!  
> It feels so good to hear that you like my writing.  
> So yes, a huge HUGE thank you to all of you!!! ♥♥♥


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter guys ♥  
> It's not so long, but I hope you like it though

“Cas?” Dean asked him this evening when they laid together on the couch and watched TV. They both laid spread out on the couch, Dean’s head resting on Castiel’s chest.  
“Hm?” Castiel ran his hand lightly through Dean’s hair.  
“I heard what you talked with Sam today. And right after I killed you for giving my little brother cigarettes, I’m gonna thank you for the things you said to him. You impressed him.”  
“Sorry for giving him smokes,” Cas mumbled and pressed a kiss on the top of Dean’s head. “And why do you think I impressed him?”  
“He was the whole evening really quiet. And the way he looked at you. I’m sure he was thinking about what you told him.”  
Before Castiel could reply, they got interrupted when Miranda came to the living room.  
“Make some room for me,” she said and shove Dean’s and Castiel’s legs aside. Castiel rolled his eyes, but didn’t say anything when he put his legs down from the couch. Dean just bent his knees and snuggled closer to Castiel.  
Miranda looked judgingly – as always – at them, before she sat down.  
“Can I change the channel?” she asked and without giving them a chance to answer, she took the remote control.  
When she switched to one of those stupid my-man-just-left-me-but-my-life-isn’t-over-though-and-no-I-don’t-have-a-midlife-crisis shows, Castiel sighed slightly annoyed and pushed gently against Dean, to show him that he wanted to get up.  
“Where you going?” Dean asked him.  
“Smoking.”  
“Oh. Alright.”  
Castiel stood up and then went outside and smoked a cigarette. When he came back inside, Dean wasn’t in the living room anymore. Miranda told Cas that Dean had gone to take a shower, so Castiel went upstairs to Dean’s room. He definitely didn’t want to stay alone in the living room with Miranda, especially not when she was watching shit like this.  
A few minutes later, Dean came back to his room, only with a towel around his hips. Castiel tried not to stare. He really did. But Dean really made it hard for him.  
He stood a whole eternity in front of his closet, while Castiel couldn’t do anything but stare at the waterdrops rolling down over his spine and disappearing under the towel.  
How long was he gonna stand there?!  
Castiel didn’t know why, but he stood up and walked over to Dean. He had actually planned on doing something else, but when he laid hid hands on Dean’s shoulders and felt how tensed they were, he got worried.  
“Dean?” he asked. “Are you alright?”  
Dean didn’t answer, but just stared into the closet. Castiel pressed a kiss on Dean’s shoulder.  
“Please talk to me.”  
Dean still didn’t answer, but now he turned around and tied his arms around Castiel’s waist and buried his face in his chest.  
“What happened?” Castiel asked and gently rubbed over Dean’s back.  
“Nothing,” Dean mumbled. “It’s stupid.”  
“It isn’t stupid,” Castiel said. “Tell me what happened.”  
Dean pulled back a little bit. “It’s just… there always was this picture from Mom in the living room. But now it’s gone. It… it has always been there. And now just because of Miranda he put it away. I don’t want her to replace Mom! My mother was so much better than her! Dean turned away from Castiel and pulled some clothes out of his wardrobe. “It’s stupid, I know.”  
“It isn’t stupid. I understand that this upsets you.”  
Dean didn’t answer, but just dressed quickly before he went to his bed and picked up his phone.  
“I’m sorry,” Castiel said. “I’m shitty with comforting.”  
“No, it’s not that,” Dean said. “I just… I don’t know.” He laid his phone aside again and sat down on the bed. “I’m just so sure he put it away because Miranda told him to.” Dean scoffed. “Anyway. Let’s forget this.”  
“Okay.” Castiel sat down next to Dean and rubbed gently over his back.  
“Cas?”  
“Hm?”  
“Can I… can I ask you something?”  
“Of course.”  
“But please answer honestly.”  
Castiel nodded and waited for Dean to ask his question.  
“The… the first day we talked… why did you actually come over to talk to me?”  
Castiel pressed his lips together. “I… I wanted to tease you,” he admitted then. “Chuck told me that you’d always look at me and then in the library I saw that you really did, so I wanted to mock you a little.”  
“So I was right,” Dean said then and looked down on his hands. “The day we were in the forest and you kissed me. It _was_ just to embarrass me.”  
“It wasn’t! I actually hadn’t planned talking to you again, but I couldn’t stop thinking about, so I had to talk to you again.”  
Dean kept staring down on his hand. “That doesn’t make any sense.”  
Castiel frowned. “Why doesn’t this make sense?”  
Dean scoffed. “Isn’t this obvious? I mean… what should a guy like you want from a nerd like me? It just doesn’t make any sense.”  
“So it’s this again?” Castiel laid his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Listen to me, Dean. You are not in any way less than I am, you understand me? If someone here has to worry about their worth, then it’s me. – And don’t say it isn’t true now. I told you what happened to me, Dean. I got used. I’m a mental wreck. But you make me forget this. You make me feel good. You make me feel like I’m actually _worth_ something. So don’t you dare put yourself down. Because I love you, okay? I fucking love you, Dean! You can’t imagine how hard it is for me to say this because it makes me feel vulnerable, but I really do love you, Dean. So please don’t talk bad about yourself, because if _you_ are a bad person, what does that make me?”  
Dean turned his head and leaned against Castiel’s shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I shouldn’t have said that.”  
Castiel shook his head and laid his arms around Dean. “It’s alright.”  
“No, it’s not. It’s not your fault that I’m in a bad mood. I shouldn’t let you feel it like this.”  
“Don’t worry about it, Dean. If you need to vent, I’m here for you. I understand.”  
“Thank you, Cas.” Dean kissed him briefly. “I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me kudos / comments, so I know if you liked it. ♥


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for those nice comments, guys!  
> They make me so happy!  
> And don't worry, Dean and Cas will be doing the do soon lol  
> Just give them some more time, alright? ;) ♥  
> I hope you like this chapter!  
> Enjoy!

The next day at ten a.m., Castiel left the school building and walked over to the parking lot. He had decided to skip chemistry and instead go home and get the things he needed.  
It was like the only opportunity to go without Dean knowing and he didn’t want Dean to know, because Dean would be worried.  
Castiel would just go home, take all the things he needed and be back long before lunch break. Afterwards he would tell Dean and it’d be alright.  
The plan was perfect. But nevertheless, Castiel had a bad feeling in his stomach when he parked the motorcycle in front of the house and walked to the front door.  
He took a deep breath and then quietly opened the door and entered the house. Castiel could hear the television from the living room, which meant that his father was there.  
Cas creeped through the kitchen to the stairs and then up to his room. He closed the door behind himself and then hastily grabbed a backpack and threw some things in it. The whole time he listened carefully, if there was any sign of his father noticing him or coming upstairs. When the backpack was full, Castiel thre it over his shoulder and went downstairs again.  
He walked through the kitchen as quiet as possible and right in the moment he held the doorhandle in his hand, he heard someone clear his throat behind him.  
“Castiel,” a deep voice said behind him. “Finally we see us again.”  
Castiel’s whole body froze. He knew this voice and he feared it more than anything else in this world.

 

Cold sweat covered Castiel’s back and his hand tightened around the doorknob. He knew he should move, run, flee, but he couldn’t. His legs wouldn’t move until Bill stood right behind him and laid his hand on Castiel’s shoulder and pushed him towards the stairs. as stumbled upstairs, everything was blurry and he couldn’t breathe properly or catch a clear thought.  
When they entered Castiel’s room, Bill’s hand wandered to Castiel’s neck and pressed him down on his knees.  
“Your father called me because he had some interesting news,” Bill said threatening. “He told me that you little faggot got a boyfriend. Obviously you love getting fucked, so why shouldn’t I do it again, huh?”  
“You call me faggot?” Castiel scoffed, forcing his voice to sound secure. “You do realize that raping a male teenager isn’t any less gay?”  
Bill ripped Castiel’s head back. “You’re gonna run out of wisecracks soon enough, believe me, Cassie.”  
Castiel’s jaw clenched when Bill called him “Cassie” and he closed his eyes so he didn’t have to look at Bill anymore. Bill’s thumb glided over Castiel’s lips.  
“And then I’m gonna have so much fun with your mouth.”

***

Everything happened as if Dean was caught in a cloud of thick fog, He remembered not finding Castiel in the lunchbreak. He remembered discovering that his bike was gone and Castiel not answering his phone. He remembered someone telling him that Castiel had driven the road up which led to his house and from then on… everything was blurry.  
He knew that he had called the police, but he couldn’t remember what he had talked with them. He just knew that it had been hard to convince them to let him go with them. But he had to. The worries he had about Castiel made it impossible for him to catch a single clear thought and he couldn’t breathe properly.  
He sat in the police car, unable to do something, when the officers disappeared in the house. What had happened in there? What if Castiel’s father had killed him?  
 _What if… What if…_

Black dots danced in front of his eyes and so he didn’t see the officers coming out the house at first. His eyes scanned the persons, searching for Castiel. When he saw him, wrapped up in nothing but a blanket, fighting against the grip of the police officers, Dean jumped out of the car and ran towards them.  
“Cas!”  
When Castiel saw him, his eyes widened and he sobbed in disbelief. “Dean… you… y-you-” his voice broke and his legs gave in. Only the firm grip of the police officers prevented him from falling down.  
“He escaped,” Castiel sobbed, still not able to stand on his own.  
“Your father?” Dean asked.  
Castiel shook his head. “Father wasn’t there,” he slurred. “’t was Bill. One… one of the officers went after him… but… he’s gone.”  
Dean’s eyes widened when he heard this. He remembered the name from when Castiel had told him his stories.  
The police officers more or less carried Castiel to the car, where he could sit down. They wanted to ask him a few questions, but Castiel refused to talk to anyone, not even to Dean.  
After a few attempts they stopped asking, but told him that he had to come to the police station in the next few days to answer their questions.  
Dean promised them that he would make sure Castiel would do this and then the officers drove them over to Dean’s.  
Castiel still didn’t say a single word when they walked upstairs and Dean promised a very confused Miranda that he would explain later.  
When Dean followed Castiel to his room, Cas sat on his bed, the blanket wrapped tight around himself, staring on the floor, his blue eyes empty.  
Dean stood unsure here for a moment; he didn’t know how to act.  
Then he went to his closet and pulled some clothes out Castiel would feel comfortable with and reached them to him.  
“Here,” he said quietly. “If you want, you can take a shower.”  
For a few seconds Castiel just stared at the clothes, but then he took them and went to the bathroom.  
Dean stared after him worried. Of course he was relieved that Castiel was still alive. But he couldn’t even imagine how awful those experiences were, Castiel had made. He didn’t know how he could help Castiel with this. He was afraid of doing something wrong and making everything worse.  
Castiel stayed in the shower for over an hour. Dean had explained to Miranda what had happened – no details of course – and he was so annoyed by her when she complained about Castiel using all the hot water. So Dean just ignored her while he waited for Castiel to finish.  
When Dean heard the water getting turned off, he gave Castiel a couple more minutes before he went upstairs to Castiel.  
He knocked at the door to his room and then entered it. Castiel laid on the bed, curled into a small ball and stared at the wall. His eyes were red, but he wasn’t crying. – Probably had in the shower though.  
“Do you wanna be alone`” Dean asked carefully.  
Castiel looked at him for a moment and then shook his head.  
“Okay.” Dean laid down next to Castiel, but not too close, so Castiel could decide for himself with how much contact he felt comfortable.  
Castiel didn’t touch Dean, but just turned towards him and looked at him. Dean could see all the pain in Castiel’s eyes and how much he was trying to hold himself together and it just hurt Dean so much.  
“Cas… you know that I’m here for you, right?” Dean said quietly. “I mean if you don’t want to talk, then that’s alright, but if you do want to… then just talk to me. Okay? I’m here for you.” Dean chew on his lip. “O-or if there’s anything else I can do for you, then just tell me. Let me help you.”  
Castiel just looked at Dean and Dean saw how his jaw clenched. “Why?” he asked then, his voice barely audible.  
Dean frowned. “What do you mean, why? Because you’re important to me. I care about you. I love you, Cas.”  
Castiel shook his head vehemently. “Don’t say this,” he sobbed and buried his face in a pillow. “It’s not true.”  
Castiel shook his head. “I’m disgusting,” he said muffled into the pillow. “How can you even sit next to me?”  
“You’re not disgusting, Cas,” Dean said quietly. “Please believe me.” He laid his hand on Castiel’s shoulder and stroke him lightly. But when he did that, Castiel jumped up and moved away from him. “Don’t touch me!” he cried out. “And stop worrying about me! I’m not worth it.”  
Dean’s jaw clenched. He didn’t know what to do or to say to calm Castiel down. Castiel’s breath was short and quick and tears streamed down over his face.  
“Cas, please, you need to calm down, okay? You need to breathe.” Dean slowly stepped closer to him.  
Castiel turned away from Dean, hands clenching in the windowsill.  
“I-I can’t,” he barely managed to say. He broke down on his knees and buried his face in his hands. Dean walked up to him and kneeled down in front of him. Castiel was sobbing and it sounded as if he was about to suffocate.  
“Castiel, please look at me!” Dean plead desperately. He took Castiel’s hands in his and rubbed with his thumbs over the back of them. “I’m here. It’s alright. Just look at me.”  
Castiel raised his head hesitant and looked at Dean. “Now breathe,” Dean said softly. “Slow.” He inhaled and exhaled deep and slowly, waiting for Castiel to adjust to his pace. Castiel needed a while, because every now and then a sob broke through and he had to start again. Dean patiently gave Castiel all the time he needed, breathing with him and gently stroking his hands.  
When Castiel managed to calm more or less completely down, he freed his hands from Dean’s grip and instead tied his arms around Dean’s neck. His whole body was trembling but he slowly calmed down when Dean stroke his back and mumbled soothing words.  
“You alright?” Dean asked quietly when Cas’ body stopped shaking.  
“Yes,” he murmured. “Thank you, Dean.”  
“No need to thank me,” Dean said. For a while they just sat on the floor together, Castiel’s hands clenching in Dean’s back. Until a knock at the door disturbed them.  
Sam opened the door and looked inside. “Sorry to disturb you, guys. But dad just came home and he wants to talk to you.”  
Dean looked back at Castiel. “Is it okay for you to be alone for a moment? I’ll try to make it quick.”  
Castiel nodded. “Of course,” he mumbled.  
Dean pressed his lips briefly on Castiel’s temple and then stood up and followed Sam downstairs.  
His dad and Miranda sat at the kitchen table.  
“Dean, I need to talk to you,” his father said. “Sam, would you leave us alone for a moment?”  
Sam nodded and left the kitchen. Dean walked over to the table and sat down on one of the chairs.  
“Miranda,” his father began, “she told me what happened to Castiel. Well, the part she knew. So I’d like to ask you for some more information.”  
Dean pressed his lips together and looked towards the stairs. “Can’t this wait? I don’t feel good with leaving Cas alone now.”  
“No, it can’t wait,” his father said sharply.  
“Fine,” Dean sighed. “What do you want to know?”  
“You said Castiel got hurt. What exactly happened to him? Did he got hit?”  
“Well… yes,” Dean said. “But not today. Well, at least that’s not the reason I called the police. – Well, actually it was the reason I called the police, but it wasn’t what happened, so actually-”  
“Dean,” his father interrupted him. “If you want this to go quick, then you need to come to the point.”  
“Yeah right.” Dean frowned and nodded. “So, anyway, I, uh, I don’t think Castiel would feel comfortable with me telling you all the details, so… I don’t really know what to tell you.”  
“Just tell us what we need to know.”  
Dean took a deep breath. “Cas got hurt,” he said then. “Over years. Not only from his father and not only with hitting. And today… something that hadn’t happened in years happened again. And he… he’s really frightened and shocked. So please be careful around him, okay? I don’t want him to get scared even more.”  
His father nodded slowly. “But… they – his father and those other guys, I mean – will they threat us if we keep him here? I mean, are we in danger?”  
“They won’t.” Castiel suddenly stood in the doorway. “But if you don’t feel safe with me here, I can understand and I will leave, of course.”  
“Cas,” Dean said, but got interrupted when his father spoke.  
“That won’t be necessary. I’ll let you stay here, of course. I just wanted to know that.”  
“Thank you, sir,” Castiel said quietly. Dean almost couldn’t believe how different Castiel looked compared to yesterday. His shoulders sagged down, his eyes looked empty and his voice was broken.  
Dean’s father nodded and then he and Miranda left the kitchen and left Dean and Castiel alone.  
“I, uh, I’ll go out and smoke one,” Castiel said then.  
“Do you wanna be alone or shall I come with you?”  
Castiel shrugged, but something in his eyes told Dean that he didn’t want to be alone, so he followed Castiel outside.  
They sat down on the steps in front of the door and Castiel pulled out his cigarettes.  
For a few moments they just sat there in silence while Cas alternately dragged on his cigarette and blew smoke in the air.  
“Dean,” he said then quietly, his voice still sounding rough. “You… you know I love you, right?”  
Dean looked over to him. “I know. And I love you too.”  
Cas winced visibly and shook his head lightly. “Don’t say this,” he mumbled and then continued louder: “I just wanted to tell you, that if you want to break up with me, that’s okay.”  
“Why on earth would I want to do that?!” Dean asked.  
Castiel didn’t look at him, but pulled out another cigarette. “Dean…” he said slowly. “Look… you told me that you had a crush on me since a while. And I came to the conclusion that since you didn’t actually know me when this started, you probably thought that I was a better person than I actually am and you’re only still together with me, because you don’t want to tell me or you don’t want to admit it. But… I just want you to know that it’s okay if you break up with me. I can understand.”  
For a moment, Dean just stared stunned at Castiel, before he shook his head in disbelief. “Cas…! Do you… You can’t really think like this! I mean… _yes_ , I did have a crush on you before I knew you, but… I didn’t _love_ you before I got to know you, Castiel. Do you really think I would’ve told you all those things I told you since we’re together, if I wouldn’t actually mean them?” Dean laid his hand on Castiel’s. “I really love you, Castiel,” Dean said. “And I do want to be together with you. Just believe me, please.”  
Castiel looked down on the floor. “But why?” his voice was almost non-existent. “I just… why do you say all those things?”  
“I say them, because they’re the truth,” Dean said softly.  
Cas shook his head. “They’re not. I’m not good in any way. I’m not worth you or your love or any other kind of affection from anyone else. But especially not from you.”  
“Don’t say this.” Dean leaned closer to Cas. “I know it’s a hard time for you and you probably don’t see yourself the way I do, but please believe me that I truly love you and care about you and I really think you’re worth it. You are worth so much, Castiel.”  
Castiel sighed and turned his head towards Dean, so he could lean his forehead against Dean’s shoulder. “If you change your mind, then tell me, please.”  
“I won’t change my mind,” Dean said secure and pressed a kiss on top of Castiel’s head. “Never.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me kudos / comments, so I know if you liked it! ♥


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating on the weekend guys, but my depression was really bad, so I didn't have the energy to do it.  
> Luckily I'm out of the clinic for today and tomorrow (reasons don't matter now) so I'm able to update now.  
> I hope you like it!!

_Castiel was fighting against the handcuffs, his whole body trembling when Bill bent over him. Tears blurred his sight and he shut his eyes, not wanting to see all the cruel things Bill would do to him. But this way, he couldn’t see Bill withdrawing his hand. The hit met Castiel like a shock, he screamed surprised and his head flung aside._

_“You keep your eyes open,” Bill growled. “You fucking look at me!”  
Castiel forced himself to keep his eyes open, staring at the ceiling and trying to escape in the depths of his thoughts. He just wanted to stop _ feeling. _He didn’t want to feel Bill’s hands roaming over his body; didn’t want to feel Bill’s hot breath against his skin. And above all… he wanted to stop feeling so used and unworthy. Castiel just wanted to stop feeling all those things._

Castiel opened his eyes, his skin was covered in sweat and he was breathing heavily.  
Dean, lying next to him, shifted his position and mumbled something, but he was still sleeping. Castiel stared into the darkness, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to sleep again. Since this whole thing with Bill had happened, already two weeks had passed, but the police still hadn’t found him.  
Castiel’s fear got worse with every day. He was so afraid of Bill finding him, or even worse, Bill telling his father.  
Dean did his best to help Castiel to get over it, but it was difficult for both of them. Cas still had problems when Dean touched him and sometimes he got caught up in flashbacks and freaked out. He tried to keep it secret from Dean how bad he actually felt, but it was practically impossible. Of course, Dean noticed that Castiel winced every time someone touched him, or that sometimes he was somewhere else with his thoughts. But anyway, Cas tried to hide as much from Dean as he could.

He spent the next few hours in some kind of dozing half-sleep, trying not to fall asleep, because he feared even more bad dreams.  
At about four a.m. he got up and creeped outside to smoke a cigarette. He enjoyed those early morning hours when everything was quiet and peaceful.  
He sat almost a whole hour outside, smoking a few cigarettes and enjoying the silence.  
But then the door opened and when Castiel turned around, he saw Dean coming to him. He had the blanket draped around his shoulder and his hair was all messed up.  
“You alright?” he asked. Castiel nodded and dragged on his cigarette. “Are you coming back to bed or…?” Dean asked insecure.  
“Sure,” Castiel said and tried to smile at Dean, but he knew that he failed. “Just give me a minute to finish this cigarette.”  
“Okay,” Dean mumbled. “I’ll be upstairs then.”  
Castiel nodded and then he heard Dean return into the house. He sighed and rubbed with his hand over his forehead. He was so tired, but tiredness was still better than nightmares.  
Cas finished his cigarette and then went back inside to Dean. Dean laid on the bed, spread out on his stomach, his head nuzzled in Castiel’s pillow. For a moment, Castiel stood just there and watched him, a light smile on his lips. Then he shove Dean’s arm aside, so he had enough room to lay down and pulled him on his chest. Dean mumbled something illiterate and clenched his hands in Castiel’s shirt. Castiel stroke softly his back and buried his face in Dean’s soft hair. He actually managed to not fall fully asleep, but just lying next to Dean, trying to keep his thoughts away from bad things.  
Castiel didn’t know how much time passed, but after a while, he felt Dean moving.  
“Cas?” Dean slurred.  
“I’m here,” Cas said and pressed a kiss on Dean’s head.  
Dean turned on his back and looked at Castiel. “Did you even sleep?” he asked then with a rough morning voice.  
Castiel shrugged. “’Bout three hours.”  
“You still have nightmares?” he asked then frowning. After a moment of hesitation, Castiel eventually nodded.  
“But they’re not that bad. I – I’m alright. Really.”  
Dean looked doubtingly at him. “Cas, it isn’t good for you to always sleep so little. That’s not healthy.”  
Cas sighed. “I know. But what should I do if I can’t sleep?”  
Dean hesitated. “Maybe you should go and see a doctor? They could give you something.”  
“I’m not gonna take any pills!” Castiel growled between clenched teeth and fought back memories. He didn’t want to think about this. Not now; not tomorrow; never.  
Dean sighed. “Alright,” he said then. “But if it gets worse, then tell me. We’ll figure something out together.”  
“Okay,” Castiel said and nodded. He doubted that he’d really do this, but it would calm Dean down if he acted like he would.  
“Good.” Dean smiled lightly at him. “You want to get some breakfast?”  
“Sure.”  
They went downstairs and ate something small. None of the other ones were here; as far as Castiel knew, Sam had slept at Jess’ last night, John wasn’t here and Miranda liked to sleep in.  
When they finished eating, they cleaned up the kitchen together.  
“What do you want to do today?” Dean asked then.  
Castiel shrugged. “I don’t care. Whatever you want.”  
Dean pursed his lips. “Well, I need to do my homework and study some more for physics, but I won’t need more than an hour for this. And apart from that, I don’t really know. It’s bad weather, so…”  
Castiel scoffed. “There is no bad weather. Just wrong clothing.”  
Dean grinned. “This means you have an idea?”  
“We could go for a ride on my motorcycle. I know a place.”  
“Okay.” Dean smiled at him. “Then I’d say I study first and then we have the whole afternoon free.”  
“Sounds good,” Castiel agreed and then they went upstairs to his room again. Castiel laid down on the bed and listened to some music with his headphones while Dean sat at his desk and studied.

“Cas?”  
Castiel startled and opened his eyes. He hadn’t realized that he had fallen asleep.  
“Are you alright?” Dean asked worried.  
“Yes,” Castiel said confused. “Of course.”  
“Did you have a nightmare?”  
“I don’t remember what I dreamt,” Castiel said and frowned. “Did I talk?”  
“A little bit.”  
“Oh. I’m sorry.” Castiel sat up and gathered his earbuds and his phone together.  
“You don’t have to apologize.” Dean sat down on the bed next to him. “Do you want to talk about it?”  
Castiel frowned. “I told you, I don’t remember what I dreamt.”  
“It’s not just the dream,” Dean said. “I know you’re not feeling well. I know this whole thing is really hard for you, which I can understand, but please talk to me.”  
“I’m alright,” Castiel said. “I don’t need to talk about it. I just need some time.”  
Dean sighed but then nodded. “Alright. But I’ll keep an eye on you,” he said then.  
“You do this,” Castiel mumbled and rolled his eyes fondly, pulling Dean closer for a brief kiss. He didn’t want Dean to worry about him. “So, now go back to your homework, so we can leave.”  
“I’m done,” Dean said to Castiel’s surprise.  
“I thought you said you’d need an hour?” Castiel asked frowning.  
“I did. You slept for about forty-five minutes.”  
“Oh. Okay. So… you want to leave?”  
“Sure. You said you know where you want to go, right?”  
“Yes,” Castiel said and smiled involuntarily.  
“Okay. Do we need something?”  
“Not really. Unless you want to take something with you.”  
Dean shook his head and so they put on their jackets and shoes and then Dean told Miranda, that they’d leave for the afternoon.  
It was still raining when they left the house, but not as hard as before. Castiel reached Dean one of the helmets and put on the other one, before they sat on the motorcycle and Cas drove off.  
It wasn’t a long ride, but long enough for Castiel to relax some more. He loved riding his motorcycle, especially when he felt Dean’s arms wrapped tight around his waist.   
When Castiel parked the motorcycle, they climbed off it and took off their helmets. Dean looked around and his lips widened in a big smile.  
“You remember?” Castiel asked and stepped forward to the edge of the rocks, where the ground fell down. It was the place Castiel had brought Dean the first time they had done something together.  
“How could I not?” Dean asked and smiled. “It’s where you kissed me the first time.”  
Castiel smiled and looked down at the forest beneath them. “A lot has happened since them,” he mumbled quietly, more to himself than to Dean.”  
“It really has,” Dean mumbled and hugged Castiel from behind. “The last time we were here, I barely knew you and you didn’t know me. And now you know me better than any other person.”  
Castiel turned around, still in Dean’s arms and pressed a kiss on Dean’s temple. “Last time we were here, I wanted to tease you because you had a crush on me. And now I have like the biggest crush on you and you mean more to me than you should and I…” Castiel scoffed. “That’s so soppy, I think I’m gonna puke,” he said then and laughed. “It’s the truth, though. I freaking love you, Dean Winchester.”  
“I love you too, Castiel Novak.” Dean smiled and kissed him.  
Castiel grinned and then pulled back. “Now we better stop before I really start to puke.”  
Dean laughed. “That bad?”  
“Yes.” Castiel turned left and went to his motorcycle and out of nowhere, he pulled out a plastic plane and spread it out on the floor.  
“Really?” Dean asked when Castiel sat down on it. “It’s raining. We’re gonna get wet.”  
Castiel acted shocked. “Oh no! And we’ll never dry again! Now stop acting like a pussy and sit down to me.”  
Dean couldn’t help but laugh and then he saw down next to Castiel. He placed his head on Castiel’s lad. A few raindrops landed on his face and he crinkled his nose. Castiel looked down at him and ran his fingers through Dean’s hair.  
“This is really nice,” he said then. “Being here with you like this.”  
Dean nodded. “It really is. We should do this more often.”  
It began to rain harder and Dean placed his hand over his eyes to protect them from the rain.  
Castiel bent his head back and closed his eyes, simply enjoying the feeling of the rain on his skin.  
He didn’t want this moment to ever end, because if it would, all the terrible things would come back, like his father and Bill and all the memories and Castiel just couldn’t handle this anymore.  
He didn’t realize that he had grabbed Dean’s hands until Dean’s thumbs stroke his palms and he asked Castiel if he was okay.  
“Y-Yeah, sure,” Castiel mumbled. “I was just… thinking.”  
“About…?”  
Castiel shrugged; not wanting to answer Dean.  
Dean opened his mouth to say something, but right in this moment, Castiel’s phone rang.  
An excusing – but not fully honest – smile on his lips, Castiel pulled his phone out. But when he looked at the display and saw who was calling, his smile vanished.

_Michael._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me kudos / comments, so I know if you liked it! ♥


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm so so so sorry it took me so long to update.  
> But I had some trouble with writing lately and I had a hard week at the clinic and yeah idk  
> But I'm sorry. Really.  
> Anyway, here you have the new chapter.  
> I hope you like it and I also hope you won't have to wait that long for the next one...  
> Enjoy!

Everything happened so fast, Dean couldn’t truly realize it. One moment, they’d been sitting there on the ground and everything had been as okay as it could be and now… thirty minutes and two really frightening sounding phone calls from Castiel later, they were back home, Dean standing insecure next to his desk, while Castiel, swearing and shouting, stuffed some clothes in his backpack.  
When he was done and closed the backpack, he stood there for a moment, not moving a single muscle, before he slowly turned around to Dean. Cas’ eyes were red, but Dean knew he hadn’t cried.  
“I’m so… sorry,” Castiel whispered chocked before he stumbled to Dean and hugged him tightly.  
“Cas…” Dean mumbled and stoke his back. “What did even happen? I don’t… I don’t know what’s going on, I…”  
Castiel nodded. “Right,” he said with a voice that sounded as if he was fanatically trying to hold himself together. “I’ll… I’ll tell you. But… let’s go outside, please. I really need a cigarette now.”  
“Alright.”  
Dean followed Castiel downstairs and they sat next to each other on the doorstep. Cas lit a cigarette and dragged on it a few times, before he started talking.  
“It was my brother who called me. Michael,” he said hesitant. “Maybe you remember what I told you about him.”  
Dean nodded. Of course he remembered.  
Castiel looked down to the ground. “He… he just came out of jail and got in contact with my father recently…” Castiel went silent for a moment. “He wants to talk to me,” he said then, but Dean could clearly tell it was a lie. – Or at least not the whole truth.  
“He wants to talk to you,” Dean repeated. “Are you sure there isn0t more you want to tell me?”  
Castiel nodded.  
“Then why did you freak out like this? You almost panicked after the phone calls with him. I don’t believe you if you say he only wants to talk. If he hurts you…”  
“He won’t hurt me,” Castiel interrupted him. “I just freaked out because I didn’t ever want to talk to him again when he moved out. But when I told him I didn’t want to come, he reminded me, that he always gets what he wants, that’s all. So I’m gonna be back by Tuesday afternoon.”  
“But what… why? What does this mean he always gets what he wants? What if he hurts you? And what’s with school? You can’t just leave. Castiel, you-”  
Castiel stood up to interrupt Dean and flicked his cigarette away, before he turned around to him. “I’m gonna be alright,” he said, but his voice was too cold. Too emotionless. “You don’t have to worry about me. I’ll just go there, talk to my brother and then be back by Tuesday.” Without giving Dean a chance to say something more, he disappeared in the house.  
For a moment, Dean just stood there completely perplexed and right when he wanted to follow Cas, he already came back, completely dressed, with boots and leatherjacket, helmet in his hand and rucksack on his back.  
Dean looked at him, not knowing what he should say. He still couldn’t fully comprehend what had happened; he just was afraid Castiel would get hurt.   
“Don’t worry about me,” Castiel murmured, his voice and expression softer again. “I’ll be back in two days. And then everything will be alright, okay?”  
Dean could only nod and then leaned forward and tied his arms around Castiel’s waist and hugged him tightly. Castiel reciprocated the hug and buried his face in the crook of Dean’s neck.  
“Be careful, okay?” Dean said hoarsely.   
Castiel nodded and then pulled back a little so he could kiss Dean.   
“I love you,” he said and pressed another small peck on Dean’s lips.  
“I love you too.”

***

The days without Castiel went by in and endless seeming blur of worries and fears about him.  
Dean’s father and especially Miranda hadn’t been really enthusiastic when they found out what Castiel was doing, but had eventually accepted, because after all, Castiel wasn’t their son, so it was actually none of their business.  
Dean’s worries got worse and worse the more time passed, especially because Castiel’s phone was turned off and he still wasn’t home by Tuesday night.  
He was thinking about calling the police since a few hours, but he wasn’t sure if this would be a good idea. Castiel’s family was more than dangerous and Dean was afraid of getting Castiel into even more trouble if he’d call the police.  
But when he still hadn’t heard from Castiel at ten p.m. Tuesday night, he decided to give him one more hour before he’d call the police. He left Castiel a voice mail – it was like the three thousandth – telling him exactly this.  
At eleven five, right when Dean wanted to call the police, his phone rang. Relief streamed through Dean when he saw the caller picture – it was one of those pictures Dean had taken of Castiel the day they had been at the lake – and he picked up.  
“Cas! Are you okay?”  
“Dean Winchester?” a person on the other end of the line said, but it wasn’t Castiel.  
“Who are you?” Dean asked suspicious, his whole body tensed.  
“The name’s Michael,” the guy said. “I’m Castiel’s brother.”  
“Where is he?” Dean asked, not able to hide the anger in his voice.  
“I dunno,” Michael said in a casual tone of voice. “After me and Gab beat him up, he left. But why should I know? You’re the fag’s little boyfriend, aren’t ya?”  
“You hurt him?!” Dean nearly shouted outraged. “I swear to God I’m gonna-”  
“Save it, I don’wanna hear it. I don’t care what you little faggot think about me. Y’know, I’ve always had a hunch that little Cassie was a fag. But I hoped what dad did would turn him. Seems like it wasn’t enough.”  
Dean literally remained speechless for a moment. “You… you fucking _knew it_?! You knew what your father was doing to your little brother and you didn’t do a single thing about it?! How _can_ you be so _cruel_? He’s your little brother, for God’s sake.”  
Michael didn’t seemed to be impressed with what Dean was saying. “So? He’s always been a little douchebag. Just like my mother, this fucking whore. Left us by the first opportunity she got.”  
Dean fought against the impulse to hit against the wall and instead took his glasses off for a moment and rubbed over the ridge of his nose. “You left your family too,” he said then, clearly calmer. “You left your younger brothers behind. You left them, even though you knew how your father was. How does this differ from what your mom had done?”  
“She was our mother, for God’s sake!” Michael shouted; now he was the angry one. Seemed like Dean had hit a sore point. “She should’ve been there for us!”  
“I know,” Dean simply said. He didn’t know why he talked with Michael, he just somehow couldn’t stop. “She shouldn’t have. But she did. And then you did the same. You left your little brothers behind, you left them even though you must clearly know that your father liked you the most. That you had it easier with him than them. And after what I’ve heard you’ve been to jail. And now you’re out of it and the first thing you do is to beat your little brother up? Do you _really_ think you’re in the right position to make your mother or anyone allegations? Because I don’t think so, Michael. I really don’t.”  
A few seconds it was quiet, Dean could only hear Michael’s halting breathing. “Who do you think you are?” he growled then. “You don’t know anything about me. You’re just a little faggot that happens to fuck my little brother. So you better shut your goddamn mouth before I beat you up too.”  
Dean rolled his eyes, somehow not able to take Michael’s threats serious, even though they clearly were. “Listen, just tell me where Castiel is and if he’s okay and we can quit talking, which I think would be advantageous for both of us.”  
“And why would I do this?”  
“Jesus Christ, Michael, what are you, ten? Just tell me where Castiel is and we won’t ever have to talk again.”  
“I don’t know,” Michael said eventually. “But Lucifer went after him.”  
“Can you give me Lucifer’s number or something? I really want to make sure he’s okay.”  
“Nope,” Michael just said, exaggerated casually.   
“Please?” Dean said even though everything in him opposed against begging Michael.  
“Why should I?”  
“Because he’s your little brother. Because he’s my boyfriend and I’m worried about him. – Because otherwise I’ll call the police and tell them what you did,” Dean added when he realized that his other arguments didn’t work.  
“Oh Jesus Christ,” Michael hissed under his breath, but then eventually told Dean a phone number, which Dean hastily noted.  
“Thank you,” Dean said then.  
“Whatever. Now I hope for your own benefit that you won’t ever bother me again, faggot,” Michael said and ended the phone call before Dean was able to say something more. For a few minutes, Dean just stared down at the phone in his hand, trying to calm down again. It wasn’t really like him to talk like this with someone and he didn’t know where this had come from. But then he typed the number he had gotten from Michael into his phone and called it.   
For a moment he feared that Michael had given him the wrong number, but then someone picked up.  
“Yo?”  
“Hello,” Dean said hesitant. “Is this… is there Lucifer?”  
“Yes. Who’s calling?”  
“Dean… uh, I’m…”  
“Cassie’s boyfriend,” Lucifer said.   
“Uhm yes. Do you know…? I mean… is he… alright?”  
“Oh, yeah he’s here with me. He’s alright, ‘m I right, Cassie?” Dean could hear Castiel’s slurred voice on the other end of the line. “He just drank a little too much, but don’t worry ‘bout him.”  
“But is he… hurt? I mean, Michael told me they had beaten him up?”  
“Well…” Lucifer hesitated for a moment. “Let me just say he and Gabe do know how to thwack someone properly. – But Castiel’s a tough guy,” he added hastily. “He’ll get over it. I’ll bring him back to as soon as he’s sober. – Or at least a bit soberer than he is now, okay?”  
“Alright,” Dean murmured.  
“Hey,” Lucifer said, “he’s fine, really. I’ll watch over him and he’ll be back by tomorrow noon.”   
“Okay.” Dean nodded even though Lucifer couldn’t see it through the phone. “Thank you. You’re… a much better brother than Michael.”  
Lucifer laughed quietly. “Well, thank you, I guess. So, you wanna talk to Castiel for a moment? He’s pretty drunk though.”  
“Uhm, if he… if he’s okay with it,” Dean said suddenly insecure.  
“I’m sure he is. He’s talking ‘bout you the whole time. Okay, so I’ll give you Castiel and then we’ll see us tomorrow, okay?”  
“Okay. Thank you, Lucifer. Goodbye.”  
Dean heard Lucifer and Castiel talking indistinct and then Castiel got the phone. “Dean?”  
“Hey Cas,” Dean said softly. “How you feeling?”  
“I dunno. Everything hurts.”  
“I’m so sorry to hear this,” Dean sighed. “You go get some rest now, okay? Lucifer will bring you back tomorrow.”  
“Okay. You’ll be there?”  
“Of course, Cas.”  
“Thank you.” Cas’ voice was still slurred, but he sounded happy though. “I love you, Dean.”  
“I love you too.”

After they had ended the phone call, Dean was way too fidgety to sleep. Of course he was glad to hear that Lucifer would look out for Castiel – and that there was someone in his family that wasn’t some violent asshole – but Dean was still worried about him. Also he still wasn’t completely over the call with Michael.  
There were just so many unusual things happening lately, that were really hard for Dean to process.   
He spent almost the whole night thinking and re-thinking and re-thinking all those things and didn’t even think about going to school the next day. He had never skipped class before, but he just had to be here when Castiel came back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me kudos / comments, so I know if you liked it! ♥


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't upload last weekend, but I forgot my writing pad at the clinic so I couldn't type it to the computer...  
> But yeah, here you are.  
> I hope you like it.  
> Enjoy ♥

Short after eleven, Dean heard the roaring engine of a car parking in front of the house and so he hastily went outside. There was a black car standing on the spot where usually Miranda parked her car – she had gone out to a friend today – and when Dean walked up to it, the doors opened and Castiel climbed out through one of them. He looked pale and his face was badly bruised, but when his eyes fell on Dean, something flashed up in them and in the next moment, he laid in Dean’s arms and held onto him tightly.  
“Dean,” he murmured roughly and all in one sudden, the tension left his body and he seemed barely able to hold himself upright on his own.  
“It’s fine. I’m here,” Dean murmured soothingly and stroke over Castiel’s back.   
Only when the guy walked closer, Dean noticed Castiel’s brother Lucifer. The blonde stood patiently there, looking at Cas and Dean without a hint of emotions in his eyes.  
“He slept very badly last night,” Lucifer said after a while and stepped closer to them, laying a hand on Castiel’s shoulder.  “Maybe you should try and get some more sleep,” he said to Castiel, his voice sounding softly.   
Castiel shook his head and clung tighter onto Dean. “Please,” Lucifer said. “I’m sure Dean thinks the same. Besides that, I’d like to talk to him for a moment. – I won’t need long, I promise.”  
“Let me bring you upstairs,” Dean proposed when Castiel didn’t react. “Then I’ll talk to your brother and join you later, alright?”  
Eventually, Castiel nodded and so Dean brought him inside and went upstairs with him, after he told Lucifer to wait for him in the living room.   
When thez were in Dean’s room, Castiel let his bag fall down on the floor and stared down at it without another movement.  
“Cas,” Dean said softly. “Is it okay for you if I talk to your brother now, or do you wanna talk to me first?”  
“No, that’s alright,” Castiel said, his voice barely audible.  
“Are you sure?”  
Castiel nodded.  
“Okay. Try get some sleep then. I’ll come as soon as I talked to your brother.”  
Castiel nodded again and then walked over to the bed, letting himself fall down on it.  
“I’ll be back as soon as possible, alright?” Dean said before he left the room and went downstairs to the living room, where Lucifer was waiting for him. The blonde guy sat on the couch and when Dean entered the room, he stood up. He didn’t look much like Castiel especially because of his blonde hair.  
“Is he okay?” Lucifer asked him.   
Dean shrugged. “More or less.” Lucifer nodded and then held his hand out. “I didn’t introduce myself properly. I’m Lucifer. Castiel’s brother.”  
Dean took Lucifer’s hand. “Dean,” he said then. “His boyfriend. As you… may know.”  
Lucifer nodded again. “That’s kind of… why I wanted to talk to you.”  
They sat down on the couch as Lucifer started talking. “As you know… Castiel was pretty drunk last night. I…. I tried to help him, or much more just stay at his side. – Our family never had a good bond, but I always felt kind of responsible for him, because father… hates him as much as he hates me, with the difference that Castiel never did anything to deserve his hate.” Lucifer stopped for a moment. “Anyway,” he continued then, “he talked… almost the whole time about you.” He shook his head lightly. “Dean, the feelings my brother has for you, are strong. And… he had to deal with rejection way too often in his life. So I’m just… asking you for something. If you have any doubts about staying with him or if you think you can’t deal with situations when he’s like this, then better end it now. Or as fast as possible. Because there _are_ going to be more situations like this. And Dean…” Lucifer seemed to hesitate for a moment. “Castiel has… big trusting issues. I mean… really. Major ones. And he already trusts you so much. If you… out of all people, would misuse it… I don’t think he’d be able to trust anyone ever again. – I mean, maybe it’s different for you – and like I said, if it is, then end this now – but for Castiel, this isn’t just some teenage crush. I’m serious, Dean. And I really hope you won’t misuse what I just told you, or the fact how much Cas trusts you. Because, yes, we’re a shitty example, but we’re still a family and if you hurt Cas, then you can be sure we’ll get you.”  
Dean nodded, a bit overwhelmed by everything Lucifer had just told him. “You don’t have to threaten me,” he said, smiling lightly. “I wouldn’t ever hurt Castiel. But thank you, though. It’s good to know that there’s someone caring for him.”  
Lucifer nodded and then stood up, laying a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Just wanted to warn you. – Anyway, I’ll let you go to him now. It was good to talk to you.”  
“Yes, thank you very much. – And Lucifer?”  
Lucifer, who had just wanted to leave, stopped and turned back around to Dean, looking at him questioningly.  
“There’s just… something you said… that I don’t think is true. It probably won’t mean anything to you, hearing it from me… but I really think you didn’t deserve the hate from your father either. Don’t talk yourself into believing things like this. It’s not true.”  
Lucifer actually smiled. “Thank you, Dean. And it does mean something to me.”  
“No need to thank me. I just… wanted to say this.”

After Lucifer had left, Dean went upstairs to his room. Castiel laid on the bed, wide awake, staring at the ceiling. When he heard Dean, he turned his head and looked at Dean.  
“You couldn’t sleep?” Dean asked and sat down on the edge of the bed.  
Castiel shook his head and when Dean reached out to brush a strand of hair out of Cas’ face, he suddenly realized the way Castiel was looking at him. It looked as if he was fearfully awaiting something from Dean.   
“What… what’s wrong Castiel?” Dean asked.  
“Do you… hate me now?” Castiel asked roughly.  
“Oh Cas.” Dean bent down and pressed a kiss on Castiel’s forehead. “Of course not. Why should I hate you?”  
“Because I came back late.” Castiel lowered his gaze and chew on his lip piercing.  
“Cas… I would never hate you. And especially not because of something like this. I love you, Cas. Okay? And I’ll stay with you.”  
“But why? I’m awful. You were worried about me, because I told you I’d come back on Tuesday, but I didn’t.”  
“You didn’t plan it like that. It’s alright, Cas.”  
“It’s not. I’m… I’m sorry.” Castiel sat up and moved closer to Dean. “I’m really sorry.” He kissed Dean passionate, tying his arms around Dean’s neck. “I’m gonna make it up to you.”  
“What do you mean with this?” Dean asked suspicious when Castiel’s lips wandered to his neck.   
“I’m gonna e a better boyfriend,” Cas mumbled and let his hands glide under Dean’s shirt. “I’m gonna be good for you.”  
“Cas… what… what are you talking about?” Dean grabbed Castiel’s wrists and stopped them from moving. “Stop doing this.”  
“Please, Dean.” Castiel pressed his lips on Dean’s over and over again. “Let me do this for you. I wanna be good.”  
“Cas… you _are_ good, okay? Now stop that.” Dean laid his hands on Castiel’s chest and pushed him gently back. But suddenly, Castiel made a pained sound and turned away from Dean, curling himself together to a small ball. He whimpered loudly and seemed to be really hurt.   
“Cas?!” Dean asked shocked. “What’s wrong?”  
“My… my ribs,” Castiel panted and buried his face in a pillow.  
“Are they… broken? Do you need to go to a doctor?”  
“No!” With almost unbelievable strength, Castiel protested. He turned on his back, looking at Dean with widened eyes. “Please don’t! Please, please just don’t! I’m alright, I swear, but please-”  
“Cas, shh,” Dean laid his hand on Cas’ shoulder, trying to calm him down. “It’s alright, I won’t. Just calm down. It’s okay.”  
Castiel nodded and gradually calmed down. His right hand laid still on his ribs and he looked as if he was in pain whenever he inhaled.  
“Can you show me… your ribs?” Dean asked hesitant. “I… just wanna know what it looks like.”  
Castiel shook his head. “They’re alright. Really.”  
“Well, if they’re alright you have nothing to lose if you show me, don’t you?”  
Castiel sighed, but eventually pulled his shirt up. Dean took a sharp breath and cursed internally. “The whole left side of Castiel’s ribcage was covered in dark bruises.  
“Dammit, Cas… this doesn’t look ‘alright’. What the hell happened?”  
“I… I think Gabe kicked me. O-or Michael. I don’t remember. – But it looks worse than it feels. Really.” Castiel chew on the inside of his lip piercing. “Please don’t force me to go to a doctor.”  
“Cas… I really think you should show this to someone professional. Especially because you have many other injuries too.”  
Castiel sat up – which seemed to cause him pain, even though he tried to hide it – and clenched his hands in the mattress. Only then Dean noticed that his whole body was shaking,   
“Please don’t,” he whispered, his voice sounding broken. “I’m sure it’ll already be better tomorrow. So please no doctors.”  
Dean hesitated. He didn’t know if it was smart to just let those injuries be. What if they’d get worse?  
“For now, I won’t call a doctor,” he said eventually. “But if it doesn’t get better, you’ll go to the hospital. Promise?”  
“Sure,” Castiel mumbled.  
Dean pressed his lips together, but didn’t say anything. This was probably the closest he’d ever get to a promise about this.  
“So… ate you hungry?” Dean asked when he realized that it was already half past twelve. “Should I cook something?”  
Castiel shrugged. “You don’t have to cook for me. It’s okay.”  
Dean laid his hand on Cas and gently loosened his fingers from the mattress. “I’m gonna cook something now,” he said, softly stroking the back of Castiel’s hand, trying to soothe him. “Do you wanna stay here or come with me?”  
“I’ll come with you,” Castiel said hastily and stood up; noticeably wincing when he moved his torso. Dean shot him a worried glance, but didn’t say anything.  
While Dean was cooking food, Castiel sat on the counter and watched him silently.  
Not long after they finished eating, the front door opened and Miranda entered the house.  
“I see you’re back,” she said coldly to Castiel.  
Castiel only nodded, but she didn’t care about his respond anyway, instead she looked at Dean, raising an eyebrow.  
“Shouldn’t you be in school?”  
Dean fought against the urge to roll his eyes when he heard her tone of voice. Lately, she had gotten really rude. It was even worse than it had been in the beginning.  
“Teacher’s sick,” he lied quickly. “No substitute.”  
She just scoffed and then left the kitchen, walking to the living room. Dean shook his head and sighed, then carried his plate to the sink. Castiel followed him and after they’d washed up the stuff, they went upstairs to Dean’s room.  
Castiel took a quick shower and after that, they didn’t do much more, than just lay on Dean’s bed and listen to music, since Castiel didn’t want to talk about anything.

***

In the middle of the night, Dean suddenly got woken up by a loud thud and Castiel’s loud scream. In a matter of seconds, Dean was wide awake, his hand hitting the light switch and searching for his glasses. Right when he put them on his face and turned around to Cas, the door flew open and his father – who had come home tonight – ran inside.  
“What happened?” he asked.  
Castiel laid curled up on the floor, muffling his screams with his fist. He seemed to be caught up in a flashback, because he didn’t react to Dean or John’s attempts to bring him out of his screaming fit.  
“Cas!” Dean grabbed Castiel’s shoulders and forced him to lay down on his back. Castiel gasped his eyes were clear again.  
“Dean!” he murmured hoarsely and then groaned, pressing his hands on his ribs. His breath caught in his throat and his eyes filled with tears.  
“Do you ribs hurt again?” Dean asked.  
Castiel nodded and the tears began to stream down over his face. “Can’t… breathe,” he chocked out, a hint of panic flaming up in his eyes.  
Dean didn’t know what to do, but thankfully his father was right there. He pushed Dean out of the way and kneeled down next to Castiel.  
“Listen, boy. I know this will hurt, but you have to breathe, okay? Just one deep breath and it will get better, I promise.”  
For a moment, Castiel just stared at Joh with widened eyes, but then he forced himself to take a deep breath, which turned into a sob almost instantly.  
“No!” John took Castiel’s face in both of his hands and forced him to keep his head straight. “Don’t cry. It will only make it even harder for you to breathe. So calm down, alright?”  
John held him down, showing him take it slow.  
“So,” he said then. “Now tell me what hurts.”  
Castiel just pointed at his ribs.  
“What happened? Are they broken?”  
Castiel looked, searching for help, to Dean, so Dean explained.  
“He… was at his brother’s… as- as you know. They, uh… well they beat him up and one of them kicked him in the ribs. I… tried to convince him to go to a doctor, but he’s afraid of it and I dint want to force him.”  
“What the fuck is wrong with the family of this boy,” John muttered under his breath and then continued louder: “Well, _I_ can force him to go to a doctor. And I will.”  
Castiel ripped his eyes wide open and he shook his head fanatically. “No. Please don’t!”  
John laid his hand on Castiel’s shoulder. “Look, I’m sorry I have to do this even though you’re so afraid of it, but I’ve just sat there watching for too long. You are hurt all the time and it seems to get worse and worse. And I can’t and won’t just handle this any longer like I did before, which means just letting it be. So I’m really sorry, but I’ll bring you to a hospital now.”  
By now, Castiel was crying and sobbing uncontrollably, still shaking his head and begging John not to do this to him. Dean felt really bad seeing Cas like this, but he knew it was better to bring him to a hospital.   
“Try to calm him down a little and find out what exactly he is so afraid of,” John said to Dean. “Then bring him downstairs. I’ll give you twenty minutes,” John said to Dean before he stood up and left the room. Dean carefully pulled Castiel closer, until he could hug him, even though it was still a weird position.  
“Please don’t let him do this,” Castiel cried out, clenching his fists in Dean’s shirt.  
“I’m sorry, Cas. Just… just try to calm down a little. Please. Then we’ll talk about it.”  
Dean felt bad when he said it like that, because it sounded as if he’d change his father’s opinion, though Dean knew he wouldn’t even try it. But it was the only way to calm Castiel down, so Dean _had_ to say it.  
“What are you so afraid of, Cas?” Dean stroke softly Castiel’s head as he spoke. “They’re gonna help you. You’ll get something against the pain and then you’ll feel better and-”  
“Exactly this,” Castiel murmured and took Dean’s other hand, pressing it against his cheek. “I can’t do this, Dean.”  
Dean pulled Castiel closer, so he sat between Dean’s legs and leaned his head on Cas’ shoulder.  
“Tell me what you’re so afraid of,” Dean mumbled softly and pressed a kiss on Castiel’s cheek. “Please.”  
“My… my father,” Castiel began slowly after a moment of hesitation. Dean’s whole body tensed when he heard the word. Or course it was this sick bastard again.   
“He… he used to say that he’d give me painkillers… but… but they,” he swallowed empty, “they weren’t. I wasn’t really unconscious, but I… didn’t remember what happened. About… about three days later I… I woke up and I was lying under a stranger and I…” Castiel stopped midsentence, but it wasn’t necessary to finish it anyway. Dean knew what had happened.  
“It happened more than once.” Castiel looked like he was really ashamed of it. “I was desperate. I wanted the pain to stop. But when I realized it would _always_ end up like this… I’ve never taken any pills again.”  
“Cas…” Dean sighed heavily and buried his face in the crook of Castiel’s neck for a moment, not able to find words for the hate he felt for Castiel’s father in this moment. “I’m… I’m really sorry you had to go through this, Cas. And I can really understand that you’re afraid of going to the hospital. But… that’s something different. It’s a hospital. No one there will hurt you. They will help you.”  
Castiel shook his head. “I can’t do this. I’m too afraid.” He turned away, not looking at Dean.  
“Please, Cas. Just give it a chance. My dad and I will be with you. We will come there with you. Everything’s gonna be okay. I promise.”  
Castiel shook his head. “I don’t want this.”  
“Please, Cas!” Dean started to feel really desperate. “I don’t want you to be hurt. So just please give it a chance. Just go there with us and if it really doesn’t work out, we’ll return home, okay?”  
Castiel looked like he was about to say no, but when their eyes met, he sighed and eventually nodded.  
“Thank you,” Dean sighed relieved and then helped Cas to get up. Noticeably, Castiel suppressed a pained sound and placed his hands over his ribs.  
When they left the room, Dean saw Sammy standing next to the door from his room, looking questioningly at them.  
“What happened? Dad didn’t want to explain to me.”  
“I’m sorry, Sam, but I don’t have time now. We’re gonna bring Castiel to the hospital now. I’ll explain everything tomorrow.”  
“Don’t worry, Sam. I’m okay,” Castiel said roughly and even managed to smile a little bit, when he saw how Sam’s eyes widened fearfully by the word ‘hospital’.  
Sam just nodded. “Get well soon, okay?”  
“Sure. Can’t leave Dean alone with you for too long after all.”  
Sam huffed a laugh, but he still looked worried though. Dean helped Castiel to get downstairs, where his father waited for them.  
“You ready?” John asked Castiel. Cas just shrugged, not tearing his eyes off Dean. John nodded and so they left the house, heading to the car.  
“Could you find out what he’s so afraid of?” John asked Dean when Cas refused to talk.  
Dean nodded and then looked over to Cas. “Is it okay for you if I tell him?”  
Castiel nodded curtly and so Dean told his father.  
“Well, okay,” John said then. “We’ll tell the doctors you have problems with taking meds. I’m sure they’re gonna find a way to help you.”  
“Okay,” Castiel whispered and let out a small whimper when they drove over an uneven bit of road, pressing his hand on his ribs.  
John and Dean synchronously looked over to him worried, but didn’t say anything.  
Short afterwards, they arrived at the hospital.  
“I called them,” John said before they left the car. “So they know we’re coming.”  
Dean looked over to Cas, who sat on his seat, shoulders sunken down and gaze directed to the floor, his whole body shaking. “Are you ready?” Dean asked him softly.  
Castiel nodded and so they left the car and walked over to the entrance of the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me me kudos / comments so I know if you liked it ♥♥


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for 6.3k hits and over 100 comments guys *-*  
> I appreciate this so much!

***

_Castiel was fighting against thick fog when he felt his consciousness coming back. His whole body hurt. Someone was grabbing his hips firmly – it would leave bruises for sure – and the same someone was pounding hard into him from behind. A whimper escaped Castiel’s mouth and he tried to free himself from the man’s grip._   
_How had this happened? How had he gotten here? He didn’t remember anything. The last thing he remembered was… how his father had given him… pills. Castiel groaned internally. Not again. How had he been so stupid and believed his father again?! He should’ve known that._   
_But though Castiel fought against the guy as much as he could, he got held down effortlessly. Tears streamed down Castiel’s face, but he knew there wasn’t anything he could do. He could just suffer._

A scream broke through the blockade in Castiel’s throat and within a matter of seconds three nurses stood around his bed, holding his trembling body down.  
“No!” Castiel was screaming and sobbing, throwing his head from one side to the other. “Don’t do this to me! Please just let me go! It hurts, don’t do this!”  
He could still feel the hands of all the guys that had raped him on his body, feeling them roaming over his skin, hitting him, scratching him, _hurting_ him. The nurses were talking, their voices soft and reassuring, but Castiel couldn’t understand the words. He was still caught up too deep in the memories; the veil of all the pain meds and sedatives blurring his mind.  
“Don’t hurt me,” he sobbed. “Please don’t hurt me.”  
He ripped his eyes open and though his vision was blurry, he could see right in this moment, one of the nurses injecting something in his infusion tube.  
“No!” he sobbed. “Don’t do this! They will hurt me if you do this!” He wanted to yank his hand away but then he noticed that he was tied down onto the bed. Immediately, images floated his brain, from former situations when he had been tied up.  
He opened his mouth in a scream, but right in this moment, the blackness of the meds overwhelmed him.

“Cas?”  
Castiel must have died. Because why else would he hear the voice of an angel? Even though he was wondering, how he should’ve deserved going to heaven, he just rolled with it, enjoying the wonderful sound of the angel’s voice.  
“I… I don’t know if you can hear me… but I… I just wanted to tell you that I’m here. The doctor said you had panic-attacks when they gave you pain-meds, so they had to give you a very high dose of sedatives.”  
Castiel was confused by the words of the angel. His brain wasn’t able to make any sense out of them.  
But he didn’t care, because now he could also feel the angel touching him. The sweet caress wandered over his palm, to his fingertips before the angel held his hands; their fingers fitting perfect together.  
“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there with you, Cas. I’m sorry you had to go through this alone. But now I’m here, okay? I won’t leave. I’ll always be here for you. I love you, Castiel.” The angel sighed; it was a sad sound and Castiel immediately wanted to change this. His angel shouldn’t be sad.  
“I know the doctors said I should give you time, but I wish you’d wake up. Just open your eyes, Cas.”  
The angel wanted him to open his eyes? But… why? Did he even have eyes in heaven?  
“Please, Cas.” The angel sighed again, this time I was even sadder than before.  
So Cas tried. He tried to find any connection to his body, tried to feel if there was anything like it. Eventually, he thought he could feel it. He tried to move his eyelids, to open his eyes, but they only flattered. It was demanding, but he started a second try. This time, they raised a little and after a few more times blinking, he actually managed to open them. At first, his vision was blurry, but then it got better. The first thing he saw, were freckles. It may sound weird, but out of all things, those tiny dark brown spots spreading over tan skin, were the first thing to catch his attention. Then there were eyes. The most perfect green eyes that could exist, behind thick framed glasses. Castiel was caught in them, especially when he saw how they lit up with happiness. And then he saw the smile. Perfectly shaped, pouty lips widening in a wide smile.  
“Castiel!” they said with a tone that could only be called happy.  
“Are you… my angel?” Castiel croaked hoarsely, his voice barely more than a whisper.  
A soft chuckle escaped the angel’s lips. “Wow, you’re flattering. But c’mon Cas. It’s me, Dean.”  
Dean.  
It was the name that brought Castiel completely back. It was this name; a simple four lettered word, that made the pressure of fear on his chest to leave.  
“Dean,” Castiel whispered. “You’re… you’re here.”  
“Of course I’m here.” Dean raised Cas’ hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss on his fingers. “I’m so glad you woke up.”  
Castel couldn’t help it when he felt tears burning in his eyes. “Please get me out of here,” he whimpered. “I can’t do this any longer.”  
“I’m sorry Cas.” Dean looked like he was nearly crying too. “The doctors said you have to stay until your ribs get better.”  
Castiel turned his face away from Dean, trying to hide his emotions, but of course, Dean noticed it though, because Cas started sobbing almost instantly.  
“Cas…” Dean’s grip around his hand tightened. “I’m srry. I wish I could do anything.”  
“Just get me out of here,” Castiel cried.  
“I’m sorry, Cas. I wish I could.”  
Castiel could hear someone entering the room, but he refused to turn around and look who it was.  
“How is he?”  
Cas winced when he heard John Winchesters voice. It was all his fault. Castiel wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for John.  
“He wants to leave,” Dean murmured.  
“So he’s awake?”  
“Yes.”  
“Castiel?”  
Cas’ whole body tensed when John talked directly to him.  
“I can imagine that this is difficult for you. But I just talked to the doctor and he said you won’t have to stay longer than like three more days. And he also said the following days won’t be that bad anymore. They just had to give you that many sedatives because you freaked out all the time. But like I said, it will get better from now on, okay?”  
Castiel pressed his lips together and then turned around. “Why can’t you get me out of here now? I’m fine.”  
“Castiel… your body needs time to heal. You’ve been constantly hurt for I don’t know how long. This isn’t healthy. So give yourself at least those three days to get fitter again. “  
Castiel didn’t agree with any of John’s words, but he knew a discussion would be pointless, so he remained silent. John sighed and then laid his hand on Castiel’s shoulder.  
“I didn’t mean to harm you with bringing you here. You can believe me that much. – But anyway. I’ll leave you two alone now. I’ll be back on Saturday when you get out of the hospital. Goodbye.”  
“You’re leaving again?” Dean asked. Castiel’s eyes flickered to Dean’s face and he frowned when he saw the pain in his expression.  
“I’m sorry, Dean. I’ve been home so often lately. It can’t go on like that.”  
“Of course not,” Dean muttered. “Because that would mean that we were a normal family like everyone else.”  
John’s expression softened and in Dean’s eyes flashed surprise up for a moment. Former discussions like this had probably ended up in fights, Cas thought by himself.  
“Dean, you know this isn’t my intention. I mean it when I say I’m sorry. But I can’t change it for now.”  
“I know,” Dean just snapped.  
“I’ll see you on Saturday.”  
John left the room and Dean sat down on the chair next to Cas’ bed again.  
“Are you okay?” Castiel asked softly when he noticed the tension in Dean’s body.  
“Of course.” Dean smiled softly. “Don’t worry about me. Just focus on recovering, alright?”  
Castiel scoffed. “There’s nothing to focus on, I’m perfectly fine.”  
“You’re not. And you know that.”  
“I am. Just because _you_ think I’m not able to cope with this, doesn’t mean I’m really not. I don’t need pain meds or anything else of this whole hospital shit. I just want to get out of here.”  
For a while, Dean was silent and so they both just stared out of the window.  
“This isn’t about you not being able to cope with this,” Dean said then quietly. “I _know_ you could. The point is, I don’t want you to. You don’t _have_ to. I know you could easily live with all this pain, but you don’t have to. And I just want you to take the chance to make them better.”  
“Yeah, whatever. I don’t think we’re gonna agree over this sometime soon and I don’t want us to fight, so I’d say we just drop the subject.”  
“Alright.”  
Dean spent the rest of the visitor’s time in the hospital and Castiel really enjoyed it. But the second Dean left, Castiel felt the anxiety creeping back in his body. When the doctors came, Castiel forced himself to stay calm because he didn’t want to get even more sedatives.  
The doctors told him some medical stuff about his ribs, which Castiel didn’t care about, so he just acted as if he cared. When the doctor asked him, if he needed something against the pain, Castiel shook his head vehemently.  
“I don’t need anything,” he said firmly when he saw the doctor’s doubtful look. “I just wanna be left alone.”  
The doctor nodded and then finally left him alone. Castiel sighed relieved and sank back into his pillow, reaching for the remote control. He turned on the old TV and surfed through the channels until he found something that he’d survive to watch without permanent brain damage from the dumbness.

The next three day were rather stressful. Castiel had a few freak-outs when the doctors forced pain-meds on him (okay, maybe he _had_ woken up screaming in the middle of the night because he had made a wrong movement in his sleep, but _still_ ), but eventually – finally – Saturday came and they let him go. They had tried to talk him into therapy because of all his “traumatic memories”, but Castiel had simply flipped them off and then ignored them until they had dropped the subject. He didn’t need therapy. He had been perfectly fine until they had drugged him and triggered all those memories and flashbacks. All those freak-outs wouldn’t have happened if they hadn’t pumped him full with meds.  
So when Castiel finally walked out this damn hospital with a firm conviction to never come back again, he felt a tidal wave of relief floating over him.  
He pulled out his pack of smokes and lit one, even though he didn’t miss the disapproving look of John – who really had come back today. They spent the drive back mostly in silence, but Dean held Castiel’s band the whole time and smiled at him every time their eyes met. Castiel couldn’t help but return it every time.  
“I missed you,” Dean mumbled the second they were in his room and the doors closed behim them.  
“I missed you too.” Castiel’s voice was rough and barely audible. He didn’t dare to look at Dean. All those flashbacks had just reminded him once again, how much better Dean was than him. It was a miracle that Dean was still at his side and Cas had no idea how he deserved this.  
“What’s wrong?” Dean asked worried. Castiel just shook his head and turned away from Dean.  
“Please tell me.” Dean walked up to him and hugged him from behind.  
“Why are you still with me?” Castiel asked quietly.  
Dean stepped in front of Castiel and looked confused at him. “What do you mean with this? Why shouldn’t I?”  
“Because I’m a horrible person. I only bring problems with me. I’m not good enough for you.”  
“That’s bullshit, Cas. You’re neither horrible, nor do you only bring problems with you. I love you, okay? Or why else would I be in a relationship with you?”  
Castiel shrugged. “I don’t know why you do this. I’m not even a real boyfriend.”  
“Why would you say that?!”  
“Because it’s the truth.”  
Dean took Castiel’s hand and rubbed with his thumb gently over the back of it. “It’s not. You _are_ a real boyfriend. Or could you tell me anything concrete that speaks against it?”  
Castiel scoffed. “As if you didn’t know what I’m talking about.”  
“I really don’t. So please. Enlighten me.”  
“Just think about it! Have we ever been able to do anything that real boyfriends do, without me having a panic attack or destroying it in any other way?”  
Dean sighed sadly and pressed a kiss on Castiel’s knuckles. “Please tell me it’s not about sex again.” When Castiel stayed silent, Dean shook his head lightly. “Cas… we’ve talked about this. I’m okay with our relationship like it is. I don’t _need_ sex.”  
“So you don’t want to have sex with me,” Castiel reasoned. Dean remained speechless for a moment, but he knew Castiel didn’t say those things to make him angry, but because he really believed them, so Dean forced himself to stay calm when he found words again.  
“Cas, you know it isn’t like that. Of course I would want to have sex with you some day. But only when we’re both comfortable with it. You had many traumatizing experiences in your past. And you’re my first boyfriends and I don’t want my first sexual experience to be you forcing yourself to something because you think _I_ need it, okay? I can wait. You don’t have to force yourself to do anything.”  
When Dean ended, Castiel just stood there for a while, his head bent, not saying anything. “Is it really okay for you?” he asked then. “Because if you wanted to… you know, get that from somewhere – some _one_ – else, I… I wouldn’t stop you.”  
“Christ, Cas!” Dean shook his head in disbelief. “That you can even think of something like this!” Dean took Castiel’s face in both of his hands and kissed him. “I love you, okay? And I don’t want anyone else.”  
Castiel nodded, but Dean could see that he had a hard time accepting this.  
“Some day you’re gonna believe me,” Dean said sincere and kissed Castiel softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me kudos / comments, so I know if you liked it ♥


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short note to tell you something  
> I'm out of the clinic now, which means I'll be (hopefully) able to upload more often.  
> I hope you like this chapter.  
> Enjoy xx

The next few weeks passed by without any bigger incidents. Castiel’s ribs healed soon – he had even taken the pills the doctor had given him – and everything went back to normal again. – Well, not completely normal. To everyone’s surprise, John had a few days ago announced that he had a new job and would be around more often from now on. He really gave his best to be a good father, he even finally agreed in meeting Jessica, what had made Sammy more than happy.  
Dean was really happy about those positive changes, but there was something that bothered – or actually much more _worried_ him.  
Lately, Castiel had gone out pretty often, mostly with Chuck, and more than just occasionally, he had returned drunk. Dean knew, he wasn’t Castiel’s boss. He knew, Castiel could make his own decisions. But he was worried about him though. If Castiel would go on like this, not only he would fail this year of school, but he would also destroy himself completely.  
Today, Castiel was gone too, even though it was Wednesday. Dean really hoped he would return soon. So far, his dad hadn’t found out, but if it’d go on like this, it was only a question of time until he _would_ find out. – Needless to say, that his reaction would be anything but positive.  
At half past one, Dean got woken up by his phone ringing. He groaned tiredly and picked it up. “What?” he growled.  
“Dean… it’s… it’s me. Can you… open the door?” Castiel slurred.  
“Sure,” Dean sighed. He got up and went downstairs to open the door for Castiel.  
Castiel stumbled inside and only with Dean’s help, he managed to get up the stairs to Dean’s room. Almost instantly, Castiel let himself fall down on Dean’s bed and fell asleep.  
Dean sighed and slightly shook his head. It couldn’t go on like this.

The next day after school – from which Castiel had once again missed almost everything – Dean decided that he wanted to talk with him about this.  
Right now, Castiel was lying on Dean’s bed, the sounds of a Social Distortion song filling the room.  
“Cas? We need to talk.”  
Castiel’s head jerked back and he looked at Dean with big, fear filled eyes. Dean walked over to the bed and sat down cross-legged in front of Castiel.  
“Could you… lower the volume?” he asked and pointed towards the stereo.  
Castiel nodded, his gaze still locked on Dean’s face and turned the volume down.  
“If you… if you want to break up with me, then please just say it!” he blurted out.  
“What? No.” Dean frowned and shook his head, frowning. “Of course not.”  
Castiel relaxed slightly, but he still looked scared. “Then what is it?”  
“You…” Dean sighed and stopped for a moment, re-thinking his words. “Lately… you’ve been out pretty often. And… I mean I know you can make your own decisions and stuff… but I’m worried about you though. You are drunk almost every time you come back – which mostly is in the middle of the night – you miss school, you barely talk to me anymore… It can’t go on like this, Cas.” Dean forced himself to keep looking in Cas’ eyes, even though he’d rather lower his gaze now. But this way, he could see all the emotions in Cas’ eyes. Castiel was trying to hide them – and the rest of his face did – but in his eyes, Dean could see everything. Castiel was sad. Hurt. Disappointed. Anxious.  
“I’m sorry,” Castiel mumbled. “I know… it… it isn’t right. But I…” He swallowed empty. “So many bad memories came back when the doctors gave me all those meds. – Stuff I hadn’t thought about in years. It all… it all came back. And I… I’m just so afraid that those things will happen again. Like… what if my father comes back? And what if he forces all this on me again? I’m fucking afraid, Dean. And I can’t deal with all those things sober. And I know the things I do are wrong, but that’s just how I deal with stuff like this.”  
“Cas… this won’t happen to you anymore, I promise. I know you probably don’t believe me, but really. We won’t let your father near you anymore. And y’know, I can only imagine how it is to go through things like this, but on a long sight, it won’t be any helpful to just drink to forget your problems. They will still be here when you get sober again.”  
“I know, okay?!” Castiel said harshly, but right afterwards, he looked apologizing. “I’m sorry. I just… I don’t know what else to do.”  
“Did you… did you ever think about therapy?” Dean asked hesitant.  
Castiel groaned. “Please not you too. The doctors already told me this. But I… don’t _need_ this.”  
“Okay,” Dean said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I just thought, maybe it could help you. But if you don’t want to, then that’s okay too.”  
“Thank you.” Castiel moved closer to him, nuzzling his head against the crook of Dean’s neck. “I’m sorry I did all those things. I promise I’ll try to stop.”  
“It’s alright,” Dean said and tied his arms around Castiel. “And I… I just want to say, I don’t say this because I don’t want you to have fun or something. I just… I’m worried. That’s all.”  
“Okay.” Castiel pressed his lips on Dean’s, gently kissing him. “Sorry again,” he mumbled.  
“It’s alright. Don’t worry about it.”  
“I love you,” Castiel said firmly, looking Dean in the eyes.  
“I love you too.”  
Castiel kissed him again, this time longer and much more passionate. Dean gasped quietly when Castiel kissed and sucked his neck. Castiel’s hands wandered under his shirt, stroking his stomach.  
“Cas, you…”  
“Shhh,” Castiel interrupted him. “Don’t talk.”  
Dean groaned when Castiel bit him, but the moment Cas wanted to take off Dean’s shirt, he protested again. “Castiel, you shouldn’t-”  
“I know what I’m doing,” Castiel mumbled softly. “Just trust me. Please.”  
Dean looked at him for a moment, but eventually, he nodded and raised his arms, so Castiel could take of his shirt. Pulling the shirt over his head almost whipped off his glasses and there was an awkward moment of readjusting, before his eyes met Castiel’s again. When he saw how Castiel was looking at him, he blushed and crossed his arms in front of his chest embarrassedly.  
“Don’t,” Castiel said and shove his hands away. “You’re handsome.”  
Dean frowned, biting his lips nervously. He may be many things, but handsome wasn't one of them.  
“You really are,” Castiel insisted when he noticed Dean’s doubts. “And now stop biting your lip. You’re driving me crazy.”  
Dean’s teeth let go of his lower lip, but his face got even redder.  
“You’re nervous,” Castiel said softly. It wasn’t a question, but a simple statement. Dean just nodded.  
“You don’t have to be. We won’t do anything we’re not both comfortable with.”  
“I know. That’s not the problem,” Dean murmured, lowering his gaze.  
“Then what is?”  
“I’ve never done… anything like this before. I’m afraid I’ll do something wrong.”  
“You won’t,” Castiel said securely and grabbed Dean’s waist, moving forward until he sat on his lap. “Just relax.” He kissed Dean softly, laying his hands over his shoulders. “And do whatever you think feels good.”  
Dean groaned quietly when Castiel started grinding his hips down on him and his hands gripped Cas’ hips firmly; not stopping him from moving, but just holding him, feeling the movements of Cas’ pelvis under his palms, before his hands slipped under Castiel’s shirt and then took it off. He stopped in the middle of the movement, when he saw something on Castiel that hadn’t been there the last time he had seen him topless. On his left nipple, he had a piercing now.  
“That’s… that’s new,” Dean said hesitant. “Isn’t it?”  
Castiel nodded. “I did it a few weeks ago. I was bored. And I’ve always wanted one.”  
“Oh. Why did you never tell me?”  
“I dunno. I just wanted to see if it’d heal properly, since I did it by myself.”  
“Isn’t this dangerous? Doing piercings by yourself, I mean.”  
“Well, yes.” Castiel shrugged. “But I did all of ‘em by myself. I dunno, I just don’t care.”  
“Okay… so… did it heal properly?”  
Castiel nodded. “It’s perfectly fine.”  
“Nice,” Dean said and then they were silent for a moment, just looking at each other. Until Cas bent forward and kissed Dean again. Their chests touched; it sent tingles through his whole body. Dean felt the silk surface of the piercing rubbing against his skin, when Castiel pressed himself closer, again grinding his hips down on Dean’s.  
Castiel moaned and leaned his head back when Dean started to kiss his neck, while at the same time stroking over his stomach, fingertips wandering closer to his chest. He buried his hands in Dean’s hair, pulling his head back and kissing him passionately. A loud gasp escaped his lips when Dean’s fingers reached his nipples and teased the sensitive skin there.  
Dean was surprised by the way Castiel reacted; he hadn’t expected his reaction to be this keen. Especially when he touched the pierced one; it seemed to be even more sensitive than the other one. Castiel moaned loudly, pressing his chest against Dean’s hands, while his own stroke also over Dean’s chest and he was still circling and grinding his hips against Dean’s.  
It was… incredible seeing Cas like this. So many times, he had felt bad or had gotten flashbacks when Dean had touched him, but now he could just enjoy it. It was beautiful.  
“Dean,” Cas groaned and pressed Dean down on the mattress, bending over him.  
“You’re driving me crazy,” Castiel mumbled and pressed his lips on Dean’s jaw. “This feels so wonderful.”  
Dean smiled softly and pecked Castiel’s lips. “I’m so glad you can enjoy this. That’s a big step forward.”  
A smile widened Castiel’s lips, even though he blushed lightly. “I’m glad you see it like that,” he said then.  
“How else should I see it?” Dean asked and frowned.  
“I dunno. Maybe you thought… it is… weird,” Castiel said insecurely.  
Dean laughed gently and pulled Castiel down for a kiss. “I don’t,” he said reassuring, not able to hide a little smile when he saw Cas’ insecurity. For a while they just looked at each other, both smiling until they began to kiss again, hands roaming over skin, searching for the most sensitive places. There was no hurry in the movements, no ulterior motives, they just explored the other one’s body.  
“You’re so beautiful,” Dean whispered and pressed his lips in the cross tattoo on Castiel’s chest. Their eyes met for a second and Dean could see disbelief in them, before Cas hastily looked away.  
Dean moved back a little bit, so he got a better look at Cas’ face. “Look at me, Cas,” he said.  
“No.” Castiel kept his eyes away from Dean, but he bent down and tried to kiss his neck, his fingers wandering under the waistband of Dean’s boxer briefs.  
“Cas… don’t.” Dean pulled back to escape Cas’ lips and stopped his hand from moving any further. “Just look at me for a second.”  
Castiel sighed, but then eventually raised himself up enough to look Dean in the eyes. “What?”  
Dean brushed his fingers through the long strands of Castiel’s hair, wiping them out of Castiel’s forehead. “You _are_ beautiful, Cas,” he said then soft, but secure.  
“Don’t say this,” Castiel said and shook his head. “Just… just don’t.”  
“Why shouldn’t I?” Dean’s thumb stroke Castiel’s cheek.  
“Because I don’t want to hear this shit!” Castiel shove Dean’s hand away and grabbed the waistband of Dean’s boxer briefs again. “Just quit talking shit and let me get you off! Just let me do something good for you for once!”  
The words were barely out of Cas’ mouth, when Dean already grabbed his wrists and stopped Castiel from touching him. “No.”  
“But I-”  
“I said no, Cas,” Dean repeated firmly and pushed Castiel’s hands back when he tried to touch him again. “Stop touching me.”  
Castiel’s hands jerked back when he heard those words and he crawled backwards away from Dean. “I’m sorry,” he whispered; his voice sounding broken. His hands were shaking and his whole body was tensed; in his eyes flared pain up.  
“Cas…” Dean began, letting his voice sound as softly as possible. “It’s alright. Calm down.” Dean reached out for Cas, but this seemed to only make things worse. Castiel shook his head and moved even further away, off the bed and back until he was leaning against the wall, burying his face in his hands.  
“Cas… I’m sorry.” Dean stood up and walked over to Cas. “I… I didn’t mean it like that.”  
“Go away,” Castiel muttered in his hands.  
“No, Cas. I won’t leave you alone now. I shouldn’t have said it like that. And I didn’t mean that I don’t want you to touch me. I just…I don’t want this to happen because you think you owe me or you “have to do something good for me for once”. This isn’t true. I want this to happen because we both want it. Right then and there. _Not_ because you think you have to do this for me. Jesus, if I’d be so desperate for an orgasm, I could still do it by myself, right?” He nudged Castiel’s knee and even though it looked like he didn’t want to, Cas laughed.  
“I’m really sorry,” Dean said again. “Okay, Cas?”  
“Uh-huh.”  
Dean sat down next to Castiel and pulled one of his hands off his face, intertwining their fingers. “I love you,” he mumbled and kissed Castiel’s cheek.  
“Love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me kudos / comments, so I know if you liked it ♥
> 
> Btw:  
> I do NOT support doing piercings by yourself. It's really dangerous and seriously, let someone professional do it.


	26. Chapter 26

Dean didn’t talk about what happened anymore, but Castiel knew that he was still getting watched closely from Dean. Cas did his best to act like he didn’t think about this whole scenario anymore, even though he did. It wasn’t even that what Dean had said had hurt him, it was much more the memories it had brought back.  
All the times his father, his brothers, or anyone else had told him that he was dirty, used, not good enough, not worth anything.  
All those things had come back, when Dean had told him to stop touching him. Because he didn’t want to get touched from Castiel. – Which was totally understandable. Because _who_ would want that?!  
“Cas, you alright?” Dean suddenly asked him.  
“Sure,” Castiel answered automatically.  
“I’m serious, Castiel,” Dean sighed.  
“Me too.”  
Dean pressed his lips together, but didn’t say anything more. Instead, he said down on the couch, straddling Cas’ lap.   
“You can’t even watch TV in that position,” Castiel said when Dean snuggled against his chest and buried his face in the crook of Dean’s neck.  
“Maybe I don’t want to watch television,” Dean murmured and Castiel got goose bumps from the feeling of Dean’s hot breath against his neck. “Maybe I just wanna be with you.”  
“Why would you want this?” Castiel muttered before he could hold back the words.  
“Because I like being with you. Being near you.” Dean pressed a kiss on Castiel’s neck.  
Castiel scoffed quietly, but didn’t say anything.  
“I’m serious.” Dean pulled back a little bit, to look Castiel in the eyes. “Why else should I do this?”  
“I dunno.” Castiel turned his head, so Dean didn’t look at him anymore.  
“You’re still thinking about what happened yesterday, aren’t you?” Dean asked quietly.   
“I’m not.”  
“Don’t lie to me, Cas. I know you are. And I’m really sorry I said this, okay?”  
“Jesus Christ, Dean! Stop apologizing!”Cas said, suddenly angry and sat up.  
Dean searched for his balance for a moment, before he looked at him in confusion.  
“You didn’t do _anything_ wrong, okay?! It was your fucking right to tell me I should stop touching you when I did something you didn’t want. So _please_ stop apologizing for it. _If_ there is someone who should apologize, then it is my father. Because _he_ made me have those thoughts. _He_ made me have those fears and doubts and everything. _You_ didn’t do anything but help me, Dean. So for God’s sake, just stop apologizing.”  
Dean looked down on his hands for a moment. Castiel was actually right.  
“I’m sor-” Dean quit midsentence when he saw Castiel’s glare. “Right. Okay. I’ll stop.”  
“Thank you. – And Dean? I didn’t mean to be so harsh.”  
“That’s alright, Cas.”  
Cas just opened his mouth to say something, but right in that moment, Sam entered the living room.  
“Uh… Cas? There’s… there’s someone for you at the door.”  
Castiel frowned. “Who?”  
“I, uh…” Sam hesitated insecurely. “I think it’s your father.”  
Castiel’s whole body tensed and he sat up straight. He swallowed down a curse and instantly stood up.  
“Cas…”  
“I’m just gonna look what he wants,” Cas interrupted Dean and left the living room. He felt Dean’s and Sam’s worried looks following him, but he just straightened his shoulders and went to the front door. Cas could see the silhouette of his father – he was completely sure it was him; this silhouette, Cas would know everywhere – through the window and took a deep, shaking breath before he opened the door. When their eyes met, Castiel felt himself almost collapsing. His shoulders sagged down and he felt as if he should burst into flames right here and now from the intensity of the hate in his father’s eyes.  
“Castiel,” his father said coldly. “So long since the last time we saw us.”  
Forcing himself to stay calm, Castiel nodded and stepped out of the house, closing the door behind himself. “What do you want here?” Castiel asked, not able to hide how his voice was shaking.  
“Picking up my son. You’re coming home.”  
“No.” Castiel shook his head and moved back until he felt the doorknob pressing against his spine. “I’m not coming back with you.”  
“Oh, I think you are,” his father said calmly and stepped closer to Castiel. “You wanna know why?”  
Castiel’s whole body was shaking, his eyes widened fearfully.   
“Because your little boyfriend called the cops, which made Bill really angry. And you know exactly how Bill can get if he’s angry.”  
“No,” Castiel gasped, air catching in his throat. He felt so tiny and helpless against his father. “You’re not gonna hurt Dean!” he blurted out desperately.  
“Oh, _I_ won’t hurt Dean. And if you’re a good boy and do what I say, I will ensure that Bill won’t hurt him either.”  
Tears welled up in Castiel’s eyes and his knees gave in. He sank down in the floor, back against the door and tying his arms around his knees. “Please don’t do this,” he whimpered. “I won’t ever bother you again, but just please.” He started sobbing and suddenly the door opened and Castiel nearly fell back into the house. But before this could happen, his father grabbed his arm and yanked him up on his feet. Dean stood in the door frame and looked at him worried.  
“What is happening?”  
Castiel’s father shot him a sharp glance and Castiel winced, his head dropping. “I’m going home,” he whispered hoarsely.  
“You what?!” Dean asked aghast. “Cas, no, you can’t do this.”  
“Didn’t you hear him?!” Castiel’s father growled. “He said he’s coming home. And now back off, faggot, you don’t have anything to say in this.”  
Dean’s eyes narrowed and he looked like he was going to say something, but then they flickered to some point behind Castiel and suddenly there was John Winchester’s deep voice.  
“Did you just call my son a faggot?!”  
Castiel’s father turned around, slow and threatening, his hand letting go of Castiel’s arm. “So?”  
Using the opportunity, Castiel immediately hurried over to Dean, who instantly wrapped his arms around Castiel’s shaking body, hugging him tightly.   
“Dad,” Dean said warningly. “Y’know I don’t think this is a really good-” Dean stopped in the middle of the sentence and Castiel fearfully turned around when he heard how someone got hit. John had landed a hit on Castiel’s father’s face and only a second later, they were bashing each other.   
“Dad!” Dean and Cas both screamed at the same time and ran up to them. Dean grabbed his father’s shoulders and pulled him back, but then he suddenly felt a hit against his nose. He only saw black for a moment and fell down on the asphalt. Cussing internally, he laid a hand over his nose, feeling the blood streaming out of it. His glasses were broken apart and everything he saw was blurry.   
“Goddammit!” he shouted out loud and jumped up on his feet, what he immediately regretted, because everything was shaky and turning. “Just stop it!” he screamed when he saw that now his dad, Castiel’s father and Castiel himself were fighting. “ _You_!” He pointed on Castiel’s father – or better said on the silhouette he guessed was Castiel’s father. “Get the fuck off our ground! If I ever see you near Castiel again, I’m gonna call the fucking cops.”  
For a second everyone just stared at Dean. Castiel’s father probably was surprised because Dean didn’t really look like someone who would freak out, and his own father and Castiel were probably surprised because they _knew_ Dean wasn’t one to freak out and swear often.  
“Yeah?” Castiel’s father just said then. “And what if not?” He walked closer to Dean, but John stood between them.  
“You heard my son,” he said dangerously calm. “If you’re not gone from here in a minute, you’ll be lucky Dean calls the police and they arrive here before I’m done with you.”  
For a moment Castiel’s father just stared at Castiel and Dean but then he growled something incomprehensible and walked off to a nearly ancient looking car and drove off.  
“Dean, are you alright?” his father asked worried and reached out to Dean’s face. But Dean shove his father’s hand away.   
“I’m fine,” he snapped and looked down onto the glasses in his hands, before he just shook his head sighing and then walked over to the house to find something to tape them together again. – Thankfully the lenses were still whole.   
He found some duct tape and fixed them with it before he walked to the bathroom to clean the blood off his face.  
“What happened?” Sam stood suddenly in the doorway and looked at him worried.  
“Nothing,” Dean waved off. “Did you see Castiel?”  
“Uh, I think he went to your room.”  
“Okay. Thanks.” Dean left the bathroom and wanted to walk over to his room, but his father held him back.   
“Let me take a look at your nose.”  
“Can this wait? I’d like to talk to Castiel first.”  
His father hesitated for a moment, but then nodded. “But don’t take too long.”  
“I won’t.” Dean walked over to his room and when he entered it, he saw Castiel stuffing some things in his backpack. “What are you doing?” he asked suspicious.   
Castiel didn’t look at him and instead closed the zipper of his backpack. “Please understand,” he said then and eventually turned around. His left eye was swollen and bluish, apparently he had gotten hit too. “Lucifer will come and pick me up in fifteen minutes. I just… I just need to get away for a few days.”  
“What?!” Dean felt like he was gonna tear up. “Please don’t do this, Castiel. What if your father gets you?”  
“Dean…” Castiel stepped closer and kissed Dean softly. “I’m gonna be safe, I promise. I just… I know I’ve done so many bad things lately and now my father showed up and he hurt you and I… I just can’t cope with it right now. Talking about this with Lucifer will help me.”  
“But I’m here for you, too,” Dean whispered broken.  
“I know!” Castiel kissed him again. “I know, Dean.” He laid his hand on Dean’s cheek. “But at the moment I’m not good for you. You missed school because of me. Your grades dropped because of me. You lost your friends because of me. And I’m so incredibly sorry I did this all to you. I mean… I don’t even understand why you still want to be in a relationship with me. But you are still here. And I… I’m doing this for you, Dean. I wouldn’t care if it was only about me. But with my fucked-up life, I’m pulling you down too, so I just need to take a time-out, give myself some time to sort out my life a little.”  
Dean chew on his lower lip, but nodded. It actually sounded really understandable.   
“I promise it will get better after this.” Castiel smiled encouragingly at Dean.   
“When are you gonna be back?”  
“Lucifer will drive me directly to school on Monday morning. So in… three days.”  
“And you are sure you’re gonna be safe?”  
“Yes. Lucifer’s gonna watch out for me, don’t worry.”  
Dean tied his arms around Castiel’s waist and hugged him tightly. “If it makes you feel better, then that’s okay for me.”  
“Good.” Castiel pecked Dean’s lips softly. “But don’t forget that I’m also doing this for you. Promise me you’ll call Jo.”  
Dean hesitated. “I dunno. She acted really rude towards you and-”  
“You see? That’s exactly the point. Towards _me_. I don’t want you to give up your friendship because of me. Call her, okay?”  
“Fine. But I’m gonna miss you.”  
Castiel smiled lightly. “I’m gonna miss you too.” He stroke softly over Dean’s nose. “And I’m sorry about that by the way.”  
“It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault.”  
“You look like a typical nerd now,” Castiel smirked and brushed with his thumb over the duct tape that held Dean’s glasses together. “Oh, you don’t have to blush. It’s cute.”  
But of course, this made Dean only blush even more. “It’s not cute,” he murmured. “I already had to walk around like this in sixth grade. It looks stupid. – Just as you said, like a typical nerd.”  
“Well, I like my typical nerd.” Castiel lowered his lips to Dean’s ear. “I even love him,” he whispered and chuckled quietly.  
“You’re an idiot,” Dean laughed and turned his head to kiss Castiel.

A few minutes later, Lucifer called Castiel, telling him that he was outside waiting for him. Castiel quickly explained to John why he was leaving, and to anyone’s surprise, John reacted really positive.   
“You do this, boy,” he said and laid a hand on Castiel’s shoulder. “You deserve some time to clear your head. Don’t let your old man get you, though.”  
“He won’t. Lucifer’s gonna watch out for me.”  
John nodded. “Good.”  
Dean walked outside to Lucifer’s car with Castiel. “Hey Lucifer.”  
“Hey Dean. Cas, good to see you, little brother.”  
Lucifer gave Castiel a one-armed hug and then took his backpack to throw it on the backseat. “What happened to your faces?” he asked then with a stern frown.  
“Dad was here,” Castiel murmured and lowered his head.  
“Oh fuck.” Lucifer shook his head and pressed his lips together angrily. “I’m gonna kill this asshole.” He sighed. “I’m sorry you were drawn into this, Dean. I mean Cas and I… we’re used to this… but you… I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault that your father’s a bad person.”  
“I’m sorry though. You don’t deserve this.”  
“Well, you and Cas neither.”  
Lucifer huffed out a laugh and smiled lightly. “You’re a good guy, Dean. I promise I’ll take good care of Cassie for you.”  
“Yeah you better do,” Dean laughed. Castiel turned around to Dean and hugged him gently.   
“See you on Monday,” he murmured and kissed Dean. “I love you.”  
“I love you too.” Dean reciprocated the kiss, stroking Castiel’s scruffy cheek. “Have a nice weekend.”  
“You too. And don’t forget to call Jo.”  
Castiel and Lucifer sat in the car and when they drove off, Dean returned to the house. John immediately took a closer look to his nose, but it didn’t seem to be broken.   
Dean took a shower first and afterwards settled in his room, deciding to call Jo right now, before he’d talk himself out of it.  
“Dean,” she said surprised when she picked up. “What’s the matter? I thought you wouldn’t talk to me anymore?”  
Dean pressed his lips together when he heard the cold tone of her voice, but he ignored it. “I… I wanted to talk to you.”  
“Oh yeah? Did your super-boyfriend drop you and now you’re crawling back to me?”  
“No, Jo. Cas and I are still together. But…” Dean sighed. “Okay, listen, Jo. To be honest, Castiel told me to call you. Lately, a lot of shit happened, so Castiel went to his brother for the weekend, trying to clear his head a little bit again and he told me that I should call you because he doesn’t want me losing all my friends because of him.” The words just floated out of Dean’s mouth; it felt actually really releasing to talk about this. “And I… I really missed talking to you, Jo. You were my best friend and we just stopped talking, only because I’m in a relationship.”  
After Dean ended, Jo was quiet for a long moment.  
“You wanna come over?” she asked then. “Seems like you need someone to talk to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me kudos / comments, so I know if you liked it ♥  
> -  
> Just something short to tell you guys,  
> idk if you already noticed (probably not but that's why I tell you now) but I'm slowly beginning to clear things up in Dean and Cas' lives, because I'm slowly coming to an end with this story.  
> Maybe there will be like ten more chapters, maybe only three, I don't know yet. But I'm slowly coming to an end, just so you know this   
> But as always, thank you guys so much for all the nice comments and the kudos xxx


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to update xx  
> Therefore it's a bit longer  
> I hope you enjoy!

The weekend with Lucifer was exactly what Castiel needed. He had forced himself to stay calm, but in the second he had been alone with Lucifer, Castiel blurted out everything that had happened in the past years, no matter if Lucifer already knew or not, because he just wanted to get those things off his chest, wanted to say them out loud, to finally let go of them.  
A lot of those things, he had already told Dean, but with Dean he didn’t dare to speak as freely about how he felt as with Lucifer. Because he knew it would make Dean sad if Castiel would tell him how hurt and broken he felt and Cas didn’t want this.  
Lucifer had tried to keep himself together, but when Castiel had told him the truth about all those rapes, he’d had to go through and how often this had actually happened, he did freak out for a little, seriously threatening to kill their father. But eventually he calmed down again and even if this may sound weird, it was somehow calming for Castiel to know that Lucifer would seriously do _everything_ to protect Castiel from having to go through this again.  
They talked a lot about future plans too. Lucifer had just recently found a job as barkeeper and got paid pretty well. But Castiel had no idea what he should do. He knew he would never get accepted by a college with his grades and he didn’t even _want_ to go to one, but he just needed at least an idea of what he wanted to do afterwards.

“Can I ask you a question, Cas?” Lucifer asked him Sunday evening when they sat together on his couch, both drinking a beer. – It hadn’t needed much persuasion from Castiel to get Lucifer to give him one too. “You don’t have to answer it if you don’t feel comfortable with talking to me about this stuff, since I’m still your brother after all, but I have the impression that the subject is kind of important to you, so I just want to ask.”  
“Of course. Go on.”  
“You and Dean…” Lucifer began hesitant and turned his head to look at Castiel. “Did you ever have sex?”  
Castiel pressed his lips together. It wasn’t the fact that Lucifer was his brother that made it hard for him to answer this question, it was just the subject itself. “No,” he answered eventually. “Not so far.” He took a deep breath. “You know… I love Dean. And I would really want to sleep with him… but I just can't. I don’t know why, I mean… I really _want_ to and we tried it… but I just can't. And I feel bad for him, because he deserves a real boyfriend, not one like me and-”  
“Whoah, hold up there. Why do you say this? You _are_ a real boyfriend, Cas.” Lucifer raised an eyebrow.  
Castiel lowered his head. “Yeah, well, no.”  
“C’mon, Cas. Or do you seriously wanna tell me that Dean ever said that he needed sex to call this between you a real relationship?”  
“No, but-”  
“You see? Don’t make yourself feel bad about it. Don’t force yourself into something like this. Some day you’re gonna be ready – and I can't believe I’m saying this to my little brother – but I’m sure you and Dean will enjoy it much more if you’re really ready for it, and not only doing it because you think you have to do this.”  
Castiel felt his face burning when he blushed – okay, it _was_ weird talking about this with his brother – but he nodded approvingly. “Thank you, Luce. You’ve been a great help lately, you know that?”  
“No need to thank me.” Lucifer laid his hand on Castiel’s shoulder and pressed lightly, pulling him into a hug. “I know I’ve been away for much too long and I could’ve helped you much earlier, but I’m glad that I can be here for you at least now. And don’t you ever hesitate to call me, like you did on Friday, if you need something. Alright?”  
Castiel nodded again. “Thank you.”

The next day, Lucifer drove Castiel directly to school, just as planned. But before Castiel left the car, he turned around to Lucifer.  
“Thank you,” he said for about the thousandth time this weekend. “For everything.”  
“Anytime, little brother. And now go, I’m sure your boyfriend’s impatient to see you again. Say hi from me. – And if you hear anything from father, if he shows up or if he threatens you again, you call me immediately, okay?”  
“Yes. Thank you, Lucifer.” Castiel bent over to hug his brother and then grabbed his backpack and left the car, heading to the entrance of the school building. Class hadn’t started yet, so he decided to search Dean first. He found him standing next to his locker, talking to Jo. Castiel’s lips widened to a happy smile; apparently Dean’s weekend had gone well, too. He walked up to them – Jo seemed to see him, but she didn’t say anything – and then laid his hands on Dean’s hips and pressed a kiss on his neck. Dean winced, but when he turned around, he had a big smile on his lips.  
“Cas!” He tied his arms around Castiel’s neck and kissed him passionately. “I’m so glad you’re back. I missed you.”  
“I missed you too,” Castiel mumbled softly and pressed another kiss on Dean’s lips. “How you feeling?”  
“I’m good. How about you? Did the weekend with your brother went well?”  
“Yes, it was really nice.”  
“That’s good. – Uhm, class starts in a minute, but we’ll talk in the lunch break, okay?”  
“Of course.” Castiel pressed a brief kiss on Dean’s lips, before their ways parted and they went to their classrooms.  
It was the first time since like two weeks, that Castiel attended a full school day. It was incredibly boring, but he forced himself to at least act as if he was listening to the teachers.  
Dean and he met in the lunch break and decided to stay here and just get something to eat in the cafeteria. They bought some food, but then walked outside again and went to one of the benches there. Castiel sat down cross-legged, facing Dean and unwrapped his sandwich.  
“So how was your weekend?” Cas asked Dean.  
“After you left on Friday…” Dean began slowly, also unwrapping his own sandwich. “I called Jo and then I went to her place, so we could talk. It went really well and as you may have noticed, between us two is everything alright again. But when I… when I came back, I just saw Miranda driving off. Apparently my dad and she had a huge fight and so she left, at least for a few days. It’s not over between them, but dad said she’ll probably be gone for at least a week.”  
Cas raised his eyebrows, trying to keep his expression straight. “Miranda’s gone?”  
Dean laughed when he saw Castiel’s face. “Oh, you don’t have to hide your relief. Mine and Sammy’s reactions weren’t much different.”  
Castiel laughed too. “Good. At least I’m not the only one then. – But how’s your father? Is he okay with this?”  
Dean shrugged. “Well, I mean of course it was pretty harsh for him at first, but I think he’s beginning to question things between him and Miranda too. I mean, I don’t know how she is when we aren’t around, but she has always been pretty rude with Sammy, you or me and I don’t think my father didn’t notice this.”  
“Yeah, I think you’re right.” Castiel tossed the wrapping paper of his sandwich away and then pulled his cigarettes out of the inside pocket from his leather jacket and lit one.  
“How was _your_ weekend?” Dean asked then. “Did you and Lucifer have a nice time?”  
“Yeah.” Castiel changed his position when Dean moved closer, so Dean could lean against him. “We talked a lot. It was really nice. I’m glad to have my brother back.”  
“I’m so happy for you.” Dean turned his head and pressed a kiss against Castiel’s jaw. “And… do you feel better now?”  
“A lot. I mean… it’s not like it’s all over now, but talking about all of this helped.” Castiel looked at Dean and stroke lightly over the bluish shadow on the back of his nose. “Does it hurt?” he asked then frowning.  
Dean shook his head. “No, it’s fine.” He turned his head away but something in the way his facial expression changed alarmed Castiel.  
“Are you sure?”  
“Yeah… there’s just…” Dean chew on his lower lip and sighed. “I swear I tried to do something against it, but… someone started the rumor that…” he hesitated for a moment. “That you hit me.”  
“Oh,” Castiel just said. “That explains a lot.”  
He _had_ noticed that a few people had given him weird looks, but he had assumed that those were because of his own injuries.  
“I’m sorry, Cas,” Dean sighed and gently pressed his hand.  
“You don’t have to be. I mean, you weren’t the one that started the rumor, were you?”  
“Of course not.”  
“You see? It’s fine. – Besides that, I hope you know that I would never hit you.” Castiel shook his head. “I could never hurt you, Dean.”  
“I know.” Dean turned his head and kissed Castiel. “I mean, as long as we both know the truth, we don’t have to care about what other people say, right?”  
“Exactly.”  
Later this day, after the school, Castiel was just about to leave the building and walk over to Dean’s car, when he heard someone calling his name. When he turned around, he saw Jo and Charlie walking up to him.  
“We wanted to talk to you,” Jo said, crossing their arms when she stood in front of him. Even though Castiel was a few inches taller than her and she _actually_ had to look up to him, she managed to make it look like she was looking down on him.  
“Go on,” Castiel just said, leaning his shoulder against the wall.  
“Look,” Jo began, “I know, lately, I’ve been a shitty example for one, but I’m still Dean’s friend. I have no idea what happened to his nose, because he wouldn’t tell me, but if there’s just _one_ sign, that it was _you_ who hurt him, I’m gonna _annihilate_ you. You hear me?”  
Castiel nodded. “I could never hurt him,” he said then. “But it’s good to know that there are people around who will protect him. Thank you, Jo.”  
Jo looked a bit surprised, as if she hadn’t expected him to react like that, but then she nodded too. “Good we talked about this,” she said then and turned around, walking away. She still didn’t seem to like Castiel. – Not that it really bothered him.  
However, Charlie stepped closer to him and laid her hand on his arm. Castiel felt a little bit weird, since he didn’t really know Charlie, but he decided to just wait and see what she was going to do.  
“I know we didn’t really talk often,” she said then softly. “And I mean… I’m not even that close with Dean, but I’ve heard and I’ve seen some things that you’re having a really rough time, and… I don’t know, I mean I know you have probably other friends and all, but… incase you’d ever need someone to talk, you could always talk with me, alright?” She smiled insecure, as if she was afraid that Castiel would punch her in the face for saying this.  
“Thank you Charlie,” he just said and laid her hand over this. “I really appreciate this.”  
She nodded and smiled at him once again, before she turned around and followed Jo, who was already waiting for her.  
For a moment, Castiel stood there and stared after them – not really looking at them, but just thinking about what they had told him. Of course he was glad Jo would be there for Dean and protect him, but it were Charlie’s words that left him ruminatively. He wasn’t used to people care for him. His whole life, everyone had either disliked – or even hated – him, or some few exceptions had simply tolerated him. But then suddenly Dean had appeared in his life with all his love and tenderness and now there were just a whole lot of people, like Sam, or John – and now even Charlie – caring about him.  
It felt surprisingly good to know that.

Castiel was still thinking about this, when he went to Dean’s car, where Dean was already waiting for him. Pulling him in an embrace, Dean kissed Castiel gently.  
“Hey,” he murmured and smiled at him.  
“Hey.” Castiel reciprocated the smile and then they sat in the car and first picked up Sam from soccer and then drove back home.  
“Cas?” Sam asked and leaned with his arms on the backrest of Cas’ seat. “Did Dean already told you about Miranda?” He clearly tried to hold back his grin. – Unsuccessfully.  
Castiel huffed out a laugh. “Yes, he told me.”  
“You won’t believe how quiet it is now,” Sam said. “It’s blissful.”  
“Yeah, I can imagine that.”  
“Anyway, how was it with your brother? Did you have a nice time?”  
Castiel nodded. “It was great to spend some time with him.”  
“Cool.” For a moment, Sam was silent, but then he grinned. “Did you annoy him as much as Dean annoyed me?”  
Castiel glanced over to Dean and saw a blush creeping up his neck; apparently Dean knew what Sam was talking about. “I don’t know. How did he annoy you?”  
“Oh, he was the whole time like ‘ _how is it only Saturday morning, time can’t pass that slow’_ and ‘ _oh my god, I miss Cas_ ’ or ‘ _when’s Cas finally coming back_ ’. You better not leave him alone again, because if he annoys me like that again, I’m gonna shoot him.”  
Cas laughed, especially when he saw Dean’s facial expression. “Don’t worry, Dean,” he said and grinned. “I missed you too.”  
Dean just rolled his eyes and then parked the car in the driveway. “ _Anyway_ ,” he said and cleared his throat. “Get out of the car now.” He shot both of them a dark glance, but Castiel knew as well as Sam that Dean wasn’t really angry. So when they all got out of the car, and went to the door, Castiel laid his arms around Dean’s waist when he was searching for the key and pressed a kiss against his neck.  
“Aw, look at you two _cuties_ ,” Sam teased. Dean kicked him playfully against his thigh.  
“Shut up and go take a shower, Samantha. You smell.”  
Sam poked his tongue out towards him, but then went upstairs and disappeared in the bathroom. Castiel and Dean went upstairs to Dean’s room and Castiel connected his phone to Dean’s stereo to play some music.  
“Oh, I love this song,” Dean suddenly said and smiled when _Writing on the wall_ from _Social Distortion_ started playing.  
“You know it?” Castiel asked him surprised.  
“Yes.” Dean nodded and blushed lightly. “I’ve listened a lot to _Social Distortion_ since you showed them to me. They’re important for you and so I wanted to get to know them. And now I really like their music.”  
Castiel smiled and held his hand out for Dean. “Come here.”  
Dean looked at him with narrowed eyes for a moment, as if he wasn’t sure what Castiel wanted to do, but then he took Castiel’s hand and let him pull him closer. “You’re in a good mood today,” Dean detected when Castiel laid his hands on his hips and started moving to the sound of the music. Castiel nodded and kissed Dean softly.  
“Today’s a good day.”  
“I’m glad you’re happy,” Dean breathed against Castiel’s lips before they kissed again and laid his arms around Castiel’s neck. “You deserve more days like this.”  
“Yeah?”  
“Uh-huh.” For a while they just – well, _dance_ would probably be the wrong word, but they just moved to the music in silence, until Dean said: “Y’know, whenever I listen this song, I have to think about you.”  
Castiel needed a moment to figure out which song it was. – _Diamond in the Rough._ “Really?” he asked then. “Why?”  
Dean looked up to him, a light smile on his lips and sang along some lines quietly.

_You’re like a diamond in the rough_   
_You're dirty and you're damaged_   
_All you need’s a little love_   
_But inside there’s a sparkle_   
_That’ll light the stars above_   
_And you'll be there in the morning_   
_When the going gets tough._

Pressing his lips together, not able to hold back a smile, Castiel shook his head lightly. “You’re unbelievable.”  
“Why?” Dean looked at him sincere. “I’m serious, Cas.”  
“Thank you.” Castiel placed his chin on Dean’s shoulder and leaned his head against Dean’s. “Y’know… I wanted to ask you something,” Castiel began hesitant and moved just so much back, so he could look Dean in the eyes.  
“Sure. Just ask.”  
Castiel took a deep breath; he didn’t really felt comfortable with asking this, but he just had to, because he needed to know. “Do you… This with us… do you this will hold? – Do you… do you even want it to remain? Or is this… I don’t know, just a High School romance for you?” Castiel’s heart literally pounded so loud in his chest, he was almost sure Dean would hear it too. He wasn’t sure what he would do if Dean said it was the latter for him.  
Dean frowned. “Cas…! That you even have to ask this. Of course I want to stay together with you.”  
“Really?”  
“Yes, Cas!” Dean pulled him closer for a kiss. “But why do you ask? You sounded like there was more you want to say.”  
“Well… Lucifer and I also talked a bit about future plans. I don’t think it’ll surprise you to hear that I’m gonna barely pass this year. Which means even if I wanted to go to college, I could so forget alone because of my grades. But since I don’t even want to, I don’t care. And I just thought… maybe, when you know which college you’ll go… I could look for a job somewhere near and then we… we could still… like, be near each other.” Castiel pressed his lips together and lowered his head. But Dean laid his hand under Castiel’s chin and made him look up again.  
“That sounds wonderful,” he said smiling. “As long as it feels right for you, I’m happy with everything that allows us to spend more time together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me kudos / comments, so I know if you liked it! ♥
> 
> Quoted song: Diamond in the Rough by Social Distortion


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I needed so long for it xxx  
> Enjoy ♥

The following week went surprisingly good. – Well, at least for Castiel. Somewhere in the back of his mind he was constantly waiting for something bad to happen; for his world to collapse and everything to fall apart again, but nothing happened.  
Instead, he got accepted from other people, more than ever before, got integrated in Dean’s – admittedly small, but that didn’t matter – circle of friends and he finally felt as if he wasn’t screwing everything up just by breathing.   
Also on Wednesday, John had announced that he and Miranda had broken up. Yes, maybe it was mean to count this as a positive event, since John really seemed to feel bad because of it, but if he was honest, Castiel couldn’t deny this. Of course he didn’t say it out loud, not to John at least. Instead, Dean made the suggestion that they could watch John’s favorite movie together and so the four men made themselves a nice evening with pizza and _Top Gun_.   
The whole movie, Dean laid in Castiel’s arms and it was such a familiar atmosphere, with Dean and Sam teasing each other all the time and John telling them to shut up and hitting them with pillows and Dean asking Castiel in a whiny tone of voice why he didn’t protect him.  
Castiel had never felt so complete in his whole life.

On Friday evening after school, Castiel was in Dean’s room, lying on his bed and listening to music, contemplating if he should do his homework or not, while Dean was picking up Sam from soccer. He was _just_ about to do them – no, really, after all, _why_ should he lie about this – when Dean came back.  
“Hey, so Sam told me he and Dad would go to the cinema tonight. Do you wanna go too?”  
Castiel shrugged, turning on his back and looking at Dean. “What are they gonna watch?”  
“Men in Black 3.”  
“Do you wanna see it?”  
“Not necessarily. But if you want to go, I’d be fine with it.”  
Castiel shook his head. “Nah, it’s fine. I haven’t seen any of them so far anyway, so yeah.”  
“Alright.”  
Later, when John came home, they told him that they’d stay here tonight. He gave them some money for pizza or something and at six, he and Sam left the house, heading for a restaurant to eat something before they’d go to the cinema.  
Dean and Castiel ordered pizza and settled down on the couch to watch a movie on Netflix. They decided for _Captain America_ and started watching it, while they waited for the pizza to arrive. After the pizza arrived and they had eaten it, Castiel caught himself watching Dean’s reaction to the movie much more than the actual film. When he noticed that Dean repeatedly chew his lower lip – or much more _the way_ he did it – a smirk widened his lips.   
“You got a bit of a celeb crush on Evans going on here?” he asked teasingly and grinned even wider when he saw the light blush spreading on Dean’s face.  
“No,” Dean said hastily.   
Castiel raised an eyebrow. “Of course not,” he said sarcastically. Dean’s face darkened and he turned his head away from Cas. “Awh, c’mon.” Castiel pulled Dean against his chest. “Don’t be ashamed, just because you have a pair of functioning eyes.”  
Dean grinned up at him. “So you’re having a crush on him too?”  
“Nah. I’m more like the Robert Downey Jr. kind of person.”  
“What about Sebastian Stan?” Dean asked after he thought about it for a moment.   
“That the dude who plays Buck?”  
“Yes.”  
“Don’t even get me started,” Castiel just said.  
Dean laughed out loud. “Jesus, we’re such girls.”  
“ _We_? Hey, you’re the one who gets all hot and flustered with watching some shirtless Captain America.”  
Dean just stared at him with open mouth for a moment. “I didn’t get all hot and flustered,” he protested then.   
“Yeah?” Castiel grinned. Dean’s reaction to his teases was just too adorable. “Looked quite like it, though, Mister _Imma-bite-my-lip-all-erotically-and-act-as-if-I-don’t-know-what-I-do_.”  
“You’re such a jerk,” Dean just scoffed, shaking his head.   
“I know.” Castiel pulled Dean closer for a quick kiss. “But it’s just too much fun teasing you.”  
Dean scoffed. “You could just leave me in peace, y’know?”  
“Or I could make it up to you.” Castiel pressed his lips against Dean’s jawline and kissed him gently.  
“Forget it. I’m not talking to you anymore.”  
“Totally fine for me,” Castiel grinned. “Makes it easier for me to do this.” He grabbed Dean’s chin gently and turned his head, kissing him on the mouth. He felt Dean’s lips turning into a smile under his and then Dean turned around, snuggling up against Castiel, not interrupting the kiss. Dean’s hand slid under the back of Castiel’s shirt, stroking his back. The touch sent tingles through Castiel’s whole body and he gasped quietly, pressing himself closer against Dean.   
“Cas…” Dean groaned when Castiel’s hands wandered under his shirt. “Y’know my dad’s gonna kill us if we go any further on that couch.”  
Castiel’s hands stopped, but he didn’t pull them back. “He won’t know,” he just said and kissed Dean’s neck.   
“I’m serious, Cas. Maybe we should… go upstairs.” The last words were barely a whisper anymore; he seemed to be nervous.  – And Castiel was too. Also the thought of going upstairs, just made everything seem more serious. Right now, he felt like he would be ready tonight, but what if this would change? What if his anxiety would suddenly come back?   
“It doesn’t mean that we have to… y’know, _do it_ tonight,” Dean said softly. “It’s just… I don’t want to stop, like, now… So I thought… we could go upstairs and whatever happens, happens and what doesn’t happen doesn’t. Okay?”  
“Yeah,” Castiel whispered and nodded before kissing Dean briefly again. Dean turned off the TV and they walked upstairs. Castiel couldn’t help the growing nervousness in his stomach when they closed the door from Dean’s room behind them. Dean seemed to notice. He took Castiel’s hand and pressed a kiss on his knuckles.   
“We’ll make it nice,” he said softly. “It’s gonna be fine.”  
Castiel nodded. “Can we… can we turn on some music?”  
“Of course.” Dean pressed play on his stereo, and since Castiel’s phone was still connected to it, _Social Distortion_ blurted out immediately. It may not be the most romantic music, but it definitely helped Castiel calm down. Dean lowered the volume a little bit, before he stepped back to Castiel.   
“You know, we don’t have to do anything tonight if you don’t feel like it,” he said then.   
“I do,” Castiel said hastily. “I really do. I’m just… nervous. – Also… I’m sorry,” he added quietly. “It’s your first time… you should… you should be able to relax and feel good and not having to soothe me like this.”  
“It’s all fine, Cas,” Dean leaned in for a kiss. His hands found their way to Castiel’s hips and for a while they just stood there in the middle of the room, kissing, until they slowly began to move over to the bed and sank down on it. Castiel’s hands were shaking when he laid them on Dean’s hips, as he sat down on Castiel’s lap.   
“Are you alright?” Dean asked.   
“Yeah, I’m fine.”  
“Okay.” Dean kissed Castiel again, hands wandering under his shirt. “Tell me if I do something you don’t want to.”  
Castiel nodded, pulling Dean down for another kiss. When Dean grabbed the hem of his shirt and took it off, Castiel just stared at his bare chest for a moment. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen it before, it was just… different now. Dean’s lips found Castiel’s again and they met in a fiery kiss. Castiel grabbed the back of his shirt’s collar, only interrupting the kiss for a second to take it off, before he continued kissing Dean, laying his hands on his waist and pulling him closer. A moan escaped Dean’s parted lips when Castiel’s tongue slipped between them and he started moving his hips, grinding them down on Castiel’s. Cas felt Dean’s growing erection pressing against his stomach and in the first second, he winced and his body tensed, but then he forced himself to stay calm, because he didn’t need to be afraid. It was _Dean_ sitting here on his lap and he would never do something to hurt Cas.   
They began to shift their position, both at the same time, as if there had been a signal, until Dean laid on his back and Castiel bent over him. Dean’s pupils were dilated, they covered almost all of the green and Castiel could imagine that his own eyes probably didn’t look much different. Dean’s fingers stroke over Castiel’s stomach, following the thin line of hair from his navel until they reached the waistband of his jeans. He slowly started to open them, looking into Castiel’s eyes the whole time, searching for approving. Castiel just nodded curtly before he bent down and kissed Dean’s lips again. Dean slowly shove Castiel’s jeans down, but leaving his briefs where they were for now. Castiel leaned back as far as he had to, so he had the balance to open Dean’s jeans too.   
There was an awkward moment of shifting when they both took their trousers off and Dean accidentally kicked against Castiel’s thigh and Castiel almost lost his balance.  
“I’m sorry,” Dean murmured embarrassed and blushed.   
“It’s fine.” Castiel hesitated a moment, but then decided to ask right now. “Dean… are you… I mean would it be okay for you to… y’know, uhm, be… the bottom?” He barely managed to get the last word out and he felt his face burning. Dean blushed too, but to Castiel’s relief, he nodded.   
“Of course.”  
“Are you… are you sure?” Castiel chew insecurely on the inner part of his lip piercing. “I don’t want you to feel like you’re getting forced into this.”  
“No, it’s fine.” Dean took Cas’ hand, entwining their fingers. He pulled Castiel closer for a kiss.   
“I won’t hurt you,” Cas said firmly. “I promise. I’ll make it good for you.”  
“I know.” Dean smiled softly up at Cas and stroke over his cheek. “I’m with you. There’s no other possibility than it being perfect.”  
Castiel smiled shakily. “I hope I won’t disappoint you.”  
Dean just shook his head and then moved back so he could lean against the wall and pulled Castiel closer for a kiss. Castiel felt the nervousness growing inside of him, because he knew it was gonna get serious now. But at the same time he really wanted it and he was really confident for it to happen now. Dean looked up at him, about the same mix of nervousness and excitement in his eyes as Castiel felt. Not breaking the eye-contact, Dean’s hands glided towards the waistband of Castiel’s boxer briefs and he started to pull them down slowly. Maybe it was ridiculous, but in this moment, Castiel felt a whole different kind of insecurity. What if Dean wouldn’t like the way he looked? He had always thought that he would look pretty average, but what if there was something weird about himself that he hadn’t noticed but that was obvious for other people? What if Dean would be weirded out by it?  
Castiel was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t notice how far Dean had already pulled his briefs down, until his green eyes flickered down over his body. Castiel’s breath caught in his throat and he kind of fearfully awaited Dean’s reaction.   
“You’re… you’re beautiful,” he murmured and blushed when he looked back up. His fingers stroke gently over Castiel’s shaft before he wrapped them around it, moving his hand lightly. Castiel moaned Dean’s name quietly and bent forward, kissing Dean’s jaw, but actually only to hide his face, so Dean wouldn’t look at him. His lips trailed down over Dean’s neck and he sucked a red mark into his soft skin, before he pulled back and sat back on his heels, his hands grabbing the waistband of Dean’s boxer briefs. Dean raised his pelvis, so Castiel could pull them down. Castiel tried to not… like, _stare_ at Dean, but he couldn’t help but let his gaze wander over Dean’s body. It sounded so soppy, but literally every inch of Dean’s body was just perfect. Castiel kissed Dean’s lips softly, both gasping when their naked bodies touched each other.   
“Dean…” Castiel breathed against Dean’s ear, kissing the spot right behind it. “Do you have any, uhm… lube?” He felt a blush creeping up his neck and he was really glad he didn’t have to look Dean in the eyes while asking this question.   
“Uh, yes,” Dean murmured and he sounded as if he was slightly embarrassed. “In my… in my nightstand.”   
Castiel pressed another kiss on Dean’s jawline, before he leaned over and opened the drawer of the nightstand, and searched in it for the bottle of lube. When he found it, he and Dean just looked at each other for a moment, Dean, once again, chewing insecurely on his lower lip.   
“Are you ready?” Castiel asked him, his voice sounding rough. Dean nodded and then moved down on the bed, so he laid flat on his back again. Castiel kneeled down between his legs.   
“Uh – wait a second,” Dean interrupted him blushing. He reached behind his back and tried to pull the blanket away but somehow this ended up with them both getting tangled in it. “Oh God, I’m sorry,” Dean muttered when eventually Cas had to help him to shift the blanket until it was comfortable for him.   
“Is it okay for you now?” Castiel asked then.   
“Uh, yes.”  
“Okay,” Castiel breathed out and pressed a kiss on Dean’s lips. He let his lips slowly wander down over Dean’s stomach. His hands grabbed Dean’s thighs and he spread them a little bit more, before he softly nibbled on the inside of Dean’s thighs. Dean gasped quietly when Castiel sucked on his skin, slowly getting closer to his crotch.   
“Cas,” Dean moaned quietly when Castiel mouthed at his erection, his fingers tangling in Castiel’s dark hair. Castiel didn’t really know where he had taken the confidence to do this, but _goddammit_ , was he glad he had done it. Dean’s skin tasted just incredible. He pulled back a little to coat his fingers with the lube, before he bent down again. His index finger rubbed gently over Dean’s rim, not trying to push in yet, but just trying to loosen him a little. He felt Dean’s body tensing and pressed a soft kiss against the inside of Dean’s thigh.   
“You need to relax,” he said softly. “Otherwise I’ll hurt you. And I don’t want that.”  
“Uh-huh,” was everything Dean managed to get out.   
Castiel continued kissing and nibbling on Dean’s thighs while he teased his rim, before he eventually gently pressed the tip of his finger inside him. He heard Dean inhaled sharply and stopped immediately.   
“Dean?”  
“No, I’m fine. It’s just… a weird feeling.”  
“If you don’t like it we can-”  
“No, Cas,” Dean interrupted him. “I’m fine. Just continue. I just need some time to accustom.”  
“Alright.” Castiel continued, pulling his finger back a little bit, before pushing it back in, slowly working it inside Dean. He waited a moment to give Dean’s body time to loosen up for it, before he slowly started moving it. Dean moaned quietly and squeezed his eyes shut. “Is this okay for you?” Castiel asked.   
“Yes,” Dean groaned. “Please continue.”  
“Whatever you wish, baby,” Castiel murmured and continued to move his finger inside Dean, before he gently added a second one. Dean cussed quietly, his hips bucking up and his hand clutched Castiel’s hair tighter.   
It was incredibly hot watching Dean reacting to this. The way his chest rose and sank heavily, the way his stomach tensed and showed off some abs and especially when his back arched off the mattress and he moaned loud when Castiel’s fingers found his prostate.   
“Oh my god, Cas,” he whimpered. “Fuck.”  
Castiel moved his fingers faster, scissoring and twisting them inside of Dean, making him squirm and writhe underneath him. His own erection throbbed almost painfully hard between his legs, but he didn’t care about that now; watching Dean was so much better.   
Well at least until Dean started begging. “Jesus, Cas, please. I- I’m ready. Please, I – _ah_ – please.”  
Castiel cursed under his breath, because this was about the hottest he had ever heard in his whole life. “Are you sure you’re ready?” he asked then, just to make sure.  
“Yes!” The word ended in a high pitched whine when Castiel’s fingers found Dean’s prostate again. Castiel slowly pulled his fingers out of Dean.   
“Cas?”  
“Hm?”  
“Condoms,” Dean panted. “Nightstand.”  
Castiel nodded – the rational thinking part of him thanking God that Dean was this well prepared – and then reached over to the nightstand and pulled a condom out of it. He opened the packing and pulled the condom out, rolling it over his erection. He laid one of his hands on the back of Dean’s thigh and slowly pushed himself inside Dean. They both let out a long-drawn moan and when Castiel was completely inside him, he stopped for a moment, not moving in any way. Dean was so _tight_. It was unbelievable. Castiel propped himself up on his forearms, kissing Dean softly.   
“How do you feel?” he asked him.   
“It feels so good,” Dean moaned.   
“It doesn’t hurt?”  
Dean just shook his head, his hands clenching in Castiel’s upper arms, pulling him down for a kiss. Castiel started moving; a slow, gentle rhythm for the beginning. Dean’s head fell back and Castiel immediately attached his lips to Dean’s neck, continuing to rock his hips.

Maybe it wasn’t perfect, in the general meaning of the word.   
At first, they tried too much to do it like they _thought_ it had to be done. Until something happened, that was like turning a switch and they just relaxed completely. They just did what felt good. Maybe there were some awkward positions, maybe their foreheads bumped together once or twice (or three times), maybe there were some awkward noises.  
But in the end, there were Dean and Castiel and it felt so good, and they felt so connected. And there were Dean’s arms around Castiel’s neck, Dean’s body pressed against Castiel’s and it was just him and Dean together and Castiel felt so _whole_ and so _good_ and that was exactly what it made perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me kudos / comments, so I know if you liked it ♥


	29. Last Chapter ♥

When Dean woke up the next morning, Castiel’s body was draped all over his; he was still sleeping tightly, his feet legs tangled with Dean's and his head laying on his forearm on Dean's chest. Dean leaned back again, his hand gently stoking over Castiel’s back. He loved watching Castiel sleep. Due to his sleeping problems, he was mostly awake before Dean and so Dean hardly ever got the chance to do it. Castiel’s breaths were deep and regular; he snored lightly. He looked completely relaxed. His left cheek was a bit squished from the way he laid on his arm, but it looked cute and made his lips look pouty.  
Dean didn’t know how much time passed – it seemed like forever, but at the same time only a few minutes – until Castiel woke up too. He rubbed with his hand over his face, yawned and brushed his fingers through his hair, by which he messed it up even more than it already was.  
“Morning fluffyhead,” Dean grinned.  
Castiel groaned and laid down on Dean’s chest again, burying his face in his hand. “You didn’t really just call me that,” he murmured with a rough morning voice.  
Dean chuckled. “If you’d see your hair, you would understand.” Castiel’s hair had grown quite a lot. He still kept the sides clean shaved, but the part on top was pretty long by now and started to look curly.  
“ _Flufflyhead_ ,” Castiel repeated. “There is _no possible situation_ where I’d ever understand that. I should break up with you just for saying that.”  
“Hey,” Dean protested jokingly and nudged Castiel in the ribs. Castiel made a protesting sound and his body jerked away from Dean.  
“Y’know I won’t do this,” Castiel mumbled, before he eventually looked up at Dean and pulled him closer for a soft kiss.  
“Yeah.” Dean grinned. “How you feeling?” he asked then.  
“Great,” Castiel yawned and stretched his arms, making his joints crack.  
“No regrets?”  
Castiel looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “Have you even _been here last night_? Tell me how it’d be possible to regret that.”  
Dean laughed – relieved. He had been afraid that Castiel would regret last night. But obviously he didn’t. “I’m glad you liked it. “  
“ _Liking_ doesn’t even come close.” Castiel grinned and kissed Dean again. “But how are _you_ feeling? Did I hurt you?”  
Dean shook his head. “Not at all.”  
“Can I be honest with you?” Castiel asked when he rolled down from Dean and laid on his back, crossing his arms behind his head.  
“Of course. You always can. You know that.”  
“Well, I…” he hesitated for a moment. “To be honest, I wouldn’t have thought it would be like this. I… I mean of course, you hear it everywhere, but I couldn’t believe anymore that sex could really feel good. But it does. I mean… it was great. I think… I think it will be easier to let all this stuff behind me, because those men… they don’t have that part of me anymore. They stole this from me, but now I have it back. They don’t control me anymore. I mean… the fear is still there, but it’s a whole lot easier now, because I have something else now. I – and excuse me, if this sounds weird but – I have a proof now, that sex can be good. That I can still enjoy this; that they didn’t take it from me.”  
Dean rolled on his side and leaned on his elbow. “That’s really good.” He smiled at Cas. “You’re making great progress in general lately. I mean… I don’t know if I’m right, but it seems like you sleep better. I mean, it’s still not, like, a ‘normal’ sleeping cycle, but for me it seems like you sleep more and calmer. Also when we’re in school, you’re much opener towards people.”  
Castiel smiled lightly too. “Yeah, well, they’ve been all nice to me too. I’ve never had real friends besides Chuck and Zach. I’m not used to people liking me around them. And I think feeling better in general is what helps me with sleeping.”  
“That’s so great.” Dean smiled widely and bent down to press a soft kiss on Castiel’s lips. Castiel’s stomach rumbled loud and Dean and laughed. “Time for breakfast?”  
“Definitely.”  
They both got dressed and then went downstairs to get something to eat. When they came into the living room, Sam and John sat on the couch, watching television. They looked at Dean and Castiel for a moment, before Sam suddenly jumped up. “Ha!” he said triumphant and held his open hand towards John. “I told you Cas sucked.”  
John rolled his eyes and pulled his wallet out of his pocket and placed a five-dollar bill on Sam’s hand.  
“Uhm… excuse me?!” Dean said confused.  
Castiel laid his hand on his shoulder. “I think they’re talking about the… _literal_ way of sucking here,” he said, not able to hold back a light head shaking. For a moment, Dean just looked confused at him, but then he got it. He rubbed with his hand over his neck.  
“Oh Cas… Seriously?!”  
Castiel laughed. “Oh, c’mon. What did’ya think I was doing when I sucked on your neck?”  
Dean felt his face getting hot when he blushed. “I… uh… I don’t think I really noticed.”  
“Wow, okay and that was number one on the list of things I do not want my son and his boyfriend talking about in front of me,” John interrupted them and stood up. “You guys want something to eat? I promised Sam some pancakes.”  
“Sure,” Dean and Castiel agreed. When John went to the kitchen to prepare the food, they sat down on the couch to Sam. “You made a bet with dad?” Dean asked sourly after a minute of silence.  
Sam raised his hands defensive. “Hey it’s not my fault that you guys were nearly deafening us when we came home. We needed to do something to make this whole thing less awkward.”  
Dean just scoffed and rolled his eyes, but he knew his blush gave his actual embarrassment away. Castiel just nudged his shoulder and grinned at him.

When John finished cooking, they all ate breakfast together – even though it was past eleven by now – and afterwards, Sam went over to Jess and John went to a friend of his, so Dean and Castiel decided to make a lazy afternoon in front of the TV. Dean should actually be studying for maths, but he enjoyed it too much just lying around lazily and cuddling with Castiel.  
But they got disturbed at like three p.m. when the doorbell rang. Not expecting anyone, Dean got up a bit grumpy to open the door. Needless to say that he was more than surprised when he saw Lucifer standing in front of it.  
“Lucifer? Hey. What… what are you doing here?”  
“I…” he began, but didn’t finish the sentence. He looked uneasy, his hair was messed up and he chew on his lower lip. “Is Castiel here? I need to talk to him.”  
“Sure.” Dean nodded and stepped aside to let him in. He told Lucifer to come with him to the living room. Castiel looked at his brother, frowning.  
“What are you doing here?”  
“I… need to talk to you. It’s important.” He looked briefly over at Dean and then back to Castiel.  
“Should I… leave you alone?” Dean asked.  
“No, it’s alright. It might be… good when you’re here too. I’m sure you want to know too.”  
Castiel looked anxiously between Dean and his brother back and forth, before he eventually stood up and went over to Dean, taking his hand. “What happened?”  
“It’s… it’s about father,” Lucifer said hesitant, looking Castiel straight in the eyes. “He’s dead.”

***

Castiel stared at his brother with widened eyes, still trying to comprehend what he had just heard. “He’s… dead?” he repeated insecure.  
Lucifer nodded, his face plain, as if he was only waiting for Castiel’s reaction. “They… found him in New Mexico. Apparently he’s been in trouble with some people there. He owed them money and when he couldn’t pay it back… they shot him.”  
For a moment Castiel just quietly stared at the floor. “Does it make me a bad person… when I say that I don’t feel sad at all?” he asked then hesitant.  
“No, Cas.” Lucifer stepped forward and hugged Castiel. “Everyone who knows what you went through because of this man, would understand this.”  
Only when Castiel found himself in his brother’s arms, he could understand it completely. His father was dead. Gone. Forever. Never again would Castiel get beaten up for nothing. Never again his body would get used for a few dollars. Never again he would have to be afraid to be beaten to death because he broke a glass. Never again he would have to deal with bruises or with infected wounds from hits with a belt all over his body. Never again.  
His hands clenched in Lucifer’s shoulders and he suddenly started sobbing. He didn’t know why – he wasn’t sad after all, it was just so overwhelming. Lucifer gently stroke his back, trying to calm him down and after a while, Dean gently loosened his fingers from his brother’s shoulders – which were probably already painfully firm buried in them and talked soothingly to him.  
“I’m sorry,” Castiel eventually managed to say and moved back a little, wiping over his eyes. “I just…” He shook his head, not able to found words to explain what he felt in this moment.  
“It’s all good,” Lucifer said and pressed his shoulder. “Also I got more good news. – Well, at least I hope you’ll find them good.”  
Castiel raised questioningly an eyebrow.  
“Since you’re… not eighteen yet, you still need a legal guardian. And since neither Gabriel nor Michael showed up… I guessed I could do this. I already filed the petition, so it’ll go faster, but of course we don’t have to do this, if you don’t want to.”  
“What… yes! Yes, of course.” Castiel was completely stunned by the news. “I…” He shook his head in disbelief. “This sounds amazing.”  
“I’m also looking for an apartment here, because I thought you’d probably want to stay near Dean. And… well, yeah. That’s actually it. We can only wait now. We’ll probably have to go to a court investigation, but I’m sure we’ll have good chances, that everything goes fast and well.”  
Castiel smiled widely and tied his arms around his brother. “Thank you so much.”  
“No thing.” Lucifer patted his back. “I’ve left you alone for too long, it’s time for me to start making it good again.”

Lucifer stayed for a few more hours, telling Castiel everything he knew about their father’s death and what he had been doing in the last few weeks before it happened. When John came back, he also told him about everything and it was no big surprise that John didn’t mourn the loss either. Instead he offered Lucifer to help him in any way he could need with finding an apartment and organizing everything with the guardianship.  
After Lucifer left, Castiel was pretty quiet for the whole evening. He was thinking a lot about what he had found out today and what was happening lately in general. Was it really possible that after all those years his life would turn good this fast? Could he really trust this?  
He wasn’t so sure about that. He was convinced that someday in the nearest future something would happen that would destroy his newly won happiness in a matter of seconds.  
But he also didn’t want to wait for it, so instead he decided to enjoy the wonderful time as long as it’d hold on. He had Dean, he had his friends, he had his brother, and he was free.  
For the first time in his life, he was finally free and it felt _so damn good_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (prepare for a very dramatic speech)  
> Hey guys  
> I'm sorry I needed so long for this chapter, but lately I've been struggling with finding the right words for this story. One of the many signs for me, that it was time for an end. (This sounds so dramatic, wow)  
> Also I'm sorry that this one is rather short, and it also wasn't planned to end it right now, to be honest, but I just felt that so many things have been cleared in the last few chapter and that there wasn't much more to say.  
> Thank you so much for supporting me through this whole process of writing this story, I really enjoyed it very much and I hope you did too!  
> Also I hope I didn't pull a How-I-Met-Your-Mother with you all and fucked up the whole story with the ending.  
> As always, I would appreciate some kudos and comments and if you want, you're welcome to check out my other stories, there's much more to come xxx  
> Thanks again and I love you all xxx


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